Is this what Indian men REALLY think about foreign women?

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#16 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:35
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#16
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I've heard a guy in India say something about Western women having sex constantly.
Well yes, or at least they hope it is true so... There are just enough cases to provide a modest degree of verification to someone whose alternative is the 6 Rupee 2 minute line (could be more now days, money that is)..
#17 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:41
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#17
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Originally Posted by PixieOakland View Post well let's just say he's lucky I didn't have any knives with me or else he'd have permanent irreversible brahmacharya.
A knee in the balls might not be permanent, but it would have given him something to think about.

What a creep! Well, I suppose every country has them.
#18 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:51
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Sorry to hear about your ordeal.

How exposed to foreign cultures was this person? How educated? I would think not very much. How sexually frustrated? Sounds like..quite a bit. What does he do in the ashram?

I'd say there is a segment of Indians who may be inclined to deduce western women as morally/sexually loose or whatever simply because their general bearing is much more uninhibited than most of the Indian women these men themselves interact with on an everyday basis.

The forward and confident urban educated women usually know how and when to switch their demanour depending on the situation and the person they're dealing with, not to mention class barriers further complicate these inter-gender interactions.......Anyway the long and short of it is that there is often a complete misreading of signals and cues from either side, and sometimes somebody takes advantage of this with unsavoury intentions in mind (putting it mildly).

I had a Danish friend visit me last year. She was staying at a guesthouse and I asked her to take a cab over. It was summer and she was wearing the shortest shorts and a sleeveless, low neck top. I told her to change her clothes as soon as we met...India isn't Denmark. She then told me that the cab driver had already asked her whether people in her country dressed that way. And not just that...when she paid him he leaned forward and kissed her cheek! I was quite shocked to learn about it and know for a fact that no cab driver would dare to do such a thing with a local girl, of whatever class or background.

The same girl was later followed around by the photographer at a wedding function. He asked for her phone number and email address on the pretext that he'd send over photos he'd shot of her during the festivities. When she told me (and others) about it we knew right away that that guy obviously had wrong motives, while my Danish friend insisted "that guys chat her up all the time"...again Delhi isn't Denmark, and the wedding photographer wasn't chatting her up at all in the same way somebody in a bar in Europe would.

It's sometimes hard to explain the cultural differences and context...anyway, when I confronted the photographer he got shit scared. I was about to let him go but the news spread quickly and the hotel security was called as was the police. An hour later he'd been thrashed and was begging to be released. My Danish friend had to assure the police that the photographer didn't actually misbehave with her. She was most baffled by everything that had happened and thought a mountain and been made out of an innocuous phone number exchange...

...Never be too trusting of strangers in foreign countries. Incidentally, there was another thread on this site a few months ago about a foreign girl who briefly dated an autorickshaw driver. Many Indian posters explained or hinted at how that was a recipe for the sort of bad experiences you've describe in your post. It might seem too uppity or whatever but it's just practical, common sense.
#19 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:56
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#19
I also want to express my sympathy to the OP and express relief that things didn't get worse.

But to answer the OP's question, I am sure many Indians have a somewhat exaggerated idea of the sexuality of western women. It comes from novels and movies and from the internet, which sometimes show (not just in porn but elsewhere) sex happening easily and without complications, with women being just as eager for sex as men.

Previous posters have said that it is a stereotype that Indian men have this impression of western women, and no doubt it is not true of every Indian man, but it is largely true. Certainly I had that impression before I moved to the west many years ago. And the truth is, the impression may be exaggerated but it is not entirely inaccurate. It may be a stereotype and not true of all western women, but it is true enough in many cases, and I have had many opportunities to be grateful for it. I've known a certain number of women over the years who enjoyed sex immensely and who slept with me without angst or hesitation or drama or preconditions.

At the same time, i learned very quickly that it does not work to demand sex by (for example) slipping into bed with someone who had not invited it. The game is much more complex than that. The only ways to learn the rules is to play the game; and in India there is no game. (Other than rape---read the newspapers for details.)

None of this is to justify this guy's action, but perhaps it helps explain it.

Now that you understand it, you still should not hesitate to threaten him with severe consequences. There is never any excuse for sexual contact without explicit consent; only yes means yes.
#20 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:59
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#20

Cool beware!

You escaped mercifully. But don't check into a hotel with a man however, nice he may appear on the outside. This has nothing to do with nationality and everything to do with beast instincts!
drinking tea alone-- everyday the butterfly stops by. Issa, Zen Master
#21 Jan 8th, 2015, 00:59
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Pixie, I have a feeling that he felt familiar enough with you to try something. And no, that's not an excuse!

I think there are some men in India who think a Western woman being normally nice or friendly like we'd be at home with anyone means a woman wants to be their girlfriend and/or have sex. So there is a misunderstanding that friendliness, helpfulness, joking around, whatever, means EASY.

Hell, the brother in law of the owner of the guestbouse where I stayed in Kerala told me he fell in love with me. After knowing me for 2 weeks! After I expressed shock and dismay -- "You're married to X's sister, are you nuts?!?" -- he tried his best to convince me that I was wrong, he was right.

JEEZ!
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Last edited by Sama; Jan 8th, 2015 at 04:06..
#22 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:28
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#22
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Originally Posted by RPG View Post ... Indian men have this impression of western women, and no doubt it is not true of every Indian man, but it is largely true. Certainly I had that impression before I moved to the west many years ago. And the truth is, the impression may be exaggerated but it is not entirely inaccurate. It may be a stereotype and not true of all western women, but it is true enough in many cases, and I have had many opportunities to be grateful for it. I've known a certain number of women over the years who enjoyed sex immensely and who slept with me without angst or hesitation or drama or preconditions ...
I am surprised to read this. I certainly don't want to get personal here so will stick to my own experience of growing up in Bombay.

I was in a co-ed school and have two female siblings. It was drilled into me at school and at home to offer respect to and to treat the opposite sex as individuals, not objects.

I can confidently say the same of my male classmates too. We consider ourselves as evolved, and did consider ourselves as evolved as we were growing up too. There are many many men in India that think otherwise, and I maintain that they are not the majority.

There are many Indian women too that enjoy sex in a free and uninhibited way, not necessarily in a committed relationship, on equal terms, and certainly not through coercion.

Others will have different experiences, so I shall leave it at that.
#23 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:34
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#23
I'm sorry this happened to you Pixie, and glad it wasn't any worse. You certainly won't be checking into a hotel as some ashram guy's spouse again! But please don't be hard on yourself or dwell on any 'mistakes'. Take it easy now and look after yourself. I hope you are somewhere safe now where you can relax and recover, taking as much time as you need.
#24 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:39
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#24
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Originally Posted by PixieOakland View Post Brahmin caste only hotel
Is that something like a "whites only" hotel of yore? I'd avoid such places as a matter of principle.
#25 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:48
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#25
I didn't know that such things existed
#26 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:49
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#26
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Originally Posted by RPG View Post The only ways to learn the rules is to play the game; and in India there is no game. (Other than rape---read the newspapers for details.)
.
Rubbish. There's plenty of game. Maybe the tacts eluded you when you lived here?
#27 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:54
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#27
When it comes to condemning ridiculous national stereotypes of this kind, I have to remind myself that I, and my fellow British schoolboys, sometime in the 1950s, thought that Scandinavian women were all porn stars and lived life like a porn film. Not that I'd ever seen a porn film. Maybe I hadn't even seen a Scandinavian women.
#28 Jan 8th, 2015, 01:54
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#28
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Originally Posted by RPG View Post ... At the same time, i learned very quickly that it does not work to demand sex by (for example) slipping into bed with someone who had not invited it. The game is much more complex than that. The only ways to learn the rules is to play the game; and in India there is no game. (Other than rape---read the newspapers for details.) ...
I am shocked! Being personal now, that is utter drivel.
#29 Jan 8th, 2015, 02:31
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#29
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Originally Posted by BholeBaba View Post Rubbish. There's plenty of game. Maybe the tact[ic]s eluded you when you lived here?
Yes. Touche.

Although the way I would put it upon further reflection is that the game in India had (and really, still has) different rules and different outcomes. I couldn't play that game, as you have noted, but I am also grateful that I didn't have to and that I got the chance to play a different and much more pleasant game.
#30 Jan 8th, 2015, 02:43
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#30
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Originally Posted by ViShVa View Post
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Originally Posted by RPG View Post Indian men have this impression of western women, and no doubt it is not true of every Indian man, but it is largely true.
I was in a co-ed school and have two female siblings. It was drilled into me at school and at home to offer respect to and to treat the opposite sex as individuals, not objects.

I can confidently say the same of my male classmates too. We consider ourselves as evolved, and did consider ourselves as evolved as we were growing up too. There are many many men in India that think otherwise, and I maintain that they are not the majority....
What I described as "largely true" is "a somewhat exaggerated idea of the sexuality of western women" among Indian men and the impression that, in the west "sex happen[s] easily and without complications, with women being just as eager for sex as men."

Your response bears no relation to my statement, even though you appear to be responding to it. You seem to assume that I accused Indian men of contempt for women, but the conflation of sex with lack of respect is yours; I did not say or imply that.
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