Planning to marry indian man and im a single filipina mom, both catholics

#1 Apr 25th, 2016, 18:59
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#1
Hi All,

I am really seeking help/advise how to get married and settle down with my indian boyfriend.

1. we are both catholics and of right age (both working as well)

2. What will be our steps and requirements if we decided to get married here in UAE since we are both coming from different nationalities.We plan to have this done in a church.

3. and lastly, im a sinlge mother, i had my daughter with my previous partner but we did not marry and i did not declare her biological dad in her birth certificate.

4. andmy new partner is planning to put his name on my daughter's birth certificate since formerly there was no one declared there as a father.


we certainly want to settle down and have a good family and also build a good future for my baby and future kids.

im really needing some advise.
#2 Apr 25th, 2016, 23:57
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  • Nick-H is offline
#2
Quote:
we are both catholics ...
Go and talk to your priest[s]. They will tell you all about what is involved and what you need to do. Part of their job!

I don't know about putting somebody else's name as father on the birth certificate. He isn't the father! Maybe this varies according to country. Maybe adoption would be involved.
~
Life gets aadhar every day.
.
#3 Apr 26th, 2016, 11:02
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#3
thank you Nick truly appreciate your replies.

will be doing that.

also for his family, we plan to tie the knot by next year if God wills it, after his sisters wedding if all goes well.
but the thing is his mom is the challenge for us, i love and respect his mom and my greatest fear is to tell her i have a child out of wedlock.
as an indian, is there any posibilities she will understand us and see his sons happiness above hers, can you give me insights what i will expect from his mom, btw the rest of the family knows and they are so far okay with us, its just with his mom i am really concerned about.
what can i do to get her approval.
i am willing to do everything.
#4 Apr 26th, 2016, 13:12
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#4
So the question is really about the personal situation, not the procedural things.

Quote:
the rest of the family knows and they are so far okay with us, its just with his mom i am really concerned about.
So everybody is not telling the mother? I suppose they must have a good reason, and I suppose that, whatever the mother thinks is what she thinks: no magic answer to that one. But she is going to find out sooner or later, so why not get it over with.

India has widows and divorcees; it is not unheard of them to remarry, and some of them may have children. A lesser number may even have been single parents. If that is the concern, just let her think you were married. Whatever makes life easy... you do not have to show her the documents for approval!

You are going to get married and live happily anyway, right? So stop worrying so much about what just one future inlaw thinks. Solong as your fiance will stand by you regardless, then move ahead regardless. True, it is a cloud in the sky, but then few skies have zero clouds.

I know several people who are estranged from family because of marriage. I know one woman who has two sons, both good men, both of whom were loyal and loving to her: she has disowned them both simply because they married outside her circle of approval. It's her loss!

Wishing you well... Wishing that such problems may turn out to be far less serious than you fear..
#5 Apr 26th, 2016, 16:13
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  • namaskaram is offline
#5
You need to check with the procedures with the church. It needs to be done according the law of the UAE. As far as I know church marriages are allowed. And find out with your embassies about the procedure after the wedding. Maybe the marriage needs to be registered.

You might also have a marriage in the Indian embassy in the UAE. That would probably be good because than there is one less law included as you already come from two different countries. And then have a ceremony in a church (which would not be the legal wedding but the blessing you are looking for).

Where is your child? Please be more than careful being unmarried and having a child in the UAE. That child is the proof that you had sex outside a marriage and for that you go to prison and after that you might get deported.
#6 Apr 27th, 2016, 16:18
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#6
thank you again Nick
i feel a bit lighter now
we will both pray hard for a change of heart for his mom, for it to be more understanding and for one time put his sons happiness before hers ( she the type that is very adamant in everything as what my partner said )
as much as possible i/we do want to let her know the truth but the fear of her not understanding and not approving is our biggest block and i prefer not hide it from her, as i feel its totally unfair for her ( we only both dream to have a peaceful and loving family for my partner and future children and i know also its my partner who will take care of her since she will get old, so my aim is to have a harmonious relation in a home )
can you just give me some ideas how to break this to her, i was thinking a private dinner where we can tell everything (also to prevent any scandalous reactions ), so the ambiance and the setting is calm.( i know also timing is our ally for this ), but is that the best way??? any other inputs?
thanks again and await for your replies.
#7 Apr 27th, 2016, 16:40
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#7
thank you very much as well for your replies Namaskaram and we will definitely talk with our church priest.
my daughter is back in my home country and thank you for reminding me the laws here in UAE perfectly aware for that matter about getting pregnant here out of wedlock. (i had her delivered back in my country)
however, i would like also to know since in my daughters birth cert i did not declare her biological dad, cuz some horrible things happen along the way and my family agrees that for the best interest of my daughter better not to declare him at all.
also for the more than 1 year as my daughter is quite big now, he di not made any effort to support her or get in touch with us.
so i believe he can be considered as abandonment and obviously he will loose his claim to my daughter (anyways i considered that long time back), so my family and i are the ones raising her back home.
i just want a confirmation if ever you know this things uhm my partner and me are planning to get married here in dubai, then we will go back to my country to get my daughter and process all papers needed ( adoption papers if that's whats gonna happen ) and in process i believe since we are already married automatically he will he adopting my daughter and putting his name on her birth certificate as father, for example all the papers are already ok back in my country, will the government in UAE still scrutinize our status as a married couple with my adopted daughter, once we arrive here in UAE, it will not be that much complicated since we are legally married and i am the biological mother of my daughter.

If you can give me some insights regarding this matter so we will have idea also and take necessary actions/step regarding it.
again thank you very much and await for your replies.
#8 Apr 27th, 2016, 22:10
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#8
details of countries and nationalities involved before anybody can hazard a guess on all that. Quite possibly will be only a guess too, although we have some surprisingly knowledgeable members.

Quote:
Originally Posted by DPJ View Post as much as possible i/we do want to let her know the truth but the fear of her not understanding and not approving is our biggest block and i prefer not hide it from her, as i feel its totally unfair for her ...
On the other hand, you could regard it as absolutely none of her business. She knows you have a child? That, of course, you do have to tell her, but not the relationship details. Maybe best to leave it to your fiance. It's his mother!
#9 Apr 29th, 2016, 12:45
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#9
Sorry, I do not know more about UAE laws. If I were you, I would ask a good lawyer in the UAE about this!

Is the biological father of the child in the UAE? Is he a Muslim? That might cause problems in the future. So make sure that your husband gets the rights for the child. Find out about adoptions in the Filipines. And find out if he can be added legally to the birth certificate although he is not the biological father (but wants to be the legal father).

And, as I said, I would think about marrying in the Indian embassy (which is possible) or the embassy of the Fillipines (I do not know if that is possible). And after that have the blessings of your church.
#10 Apr 29th, 2016, 13:18
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  • Earthian is offline
#10
My advise would be the following:
  1. Ask your fiancé to inform his mother, in person if possible.
  2. Once the idea has been accepted, regretfully or otherwise, then both of you should meet her.
i would not like to start any relationship by hiding the truth, since later it may haunt us. Indian men are generally more emotional and family centric and marriages here are not strictly a business between the boy and the girl, but between two families.
If on the outside chance, your fiancé develops cold feet after his meeting with his mother, then it is good not to enter into a relationship which cannot stand the test of such matters.
i don't know why you plan to marry in the UAE, but if there is a possibility, then i would advocate that you marry in India, though there could be trepidation of what (wrong) could happen .
#11 Apr 29th, 2016, 13:40
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#11
Quote:
If on the outside chance, your fiancé develops cold feet after his meeting with his mother,
It is to be hoped that the relationship has gone past that stage.
#12 May 1st, 2016, 14:38
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#12
thank you very much for your replies Earthian, will definitely have a talk about considering to get married in india.

and as Nick-H had said, for that we surely have to be tested and prove to her that we truly want to be together and let her see that nothing can change our minds about that.

thank you very much for your kind advises.
with great faith we are both hoping for the best, we'll get back with you guys if there's other more things came up.
again thank you so much.

God bless you all.
#13 May 1st, 2016, 15:01
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#13
Quote:
we surely have to be tested and prove to her that we truly want to be together
You have to prove it to each other, not to her! In one instance of family-disapproved marriage that I know personally, the relation had its ups and downs over several years, but in the end, the guy decided that his wife-to-be was what mattered most, and they are very happy together. In another, the guy made the decision more quickly, but had the benefit of having seen the same thing happen to his elder brother.

Best wishes: be happy together

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