You may be missing India, when you ......


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#1 Aug 30th, 2003, 22:22
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  • steven_ber is offline
#1
....Re-wire all the lights in your house and insert a random selector.

....Start washing your clothes in the local river.

....Start commuting to work on the roof of the train.

....Start sucking aniseed so you can spit on the wall in the yard.

....Put a 'Horn OK' bumper sticker on your car and blast horn every 3 seconds.

....Re-wire the bathroom to leave all the cables exposed.

....Start peeing in your sink.

....Argue with the newsagent over the cost of your daily paper.

....Set the farmers cows free to roam the streets.

....Take your granny to a festival so you can lose her.

....Open a market stall to sell used false teeth.

Can anyone think of any more.

NOTE: Thanks to Catmac for suggesting some of the above.
#2 Aug 31st, 2003, 00:20
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#2
scream at the bus driver to speed up.

when at Starbucks, you get a second, empty cup and mix the milk and sugar (and cinnamon and cardamon, and . . .) into the coffee by pouring between the two, then ask for a saucer and slurp it down while standing up.

throw stones at a stray dog

blow your nose into the street.

start calling people older than you Auntie and Uncle

wear a red dress to a wedding, a white shroud to a funeral, your lungi to a Scottish highland games festival

water your garden by splashing out of a bucket, then sweep your lawn

drive at night down the middle of the highway with only your running lights on until oncomming traffic bears down, and then honk and turn on your highbeams

show up for Sunday Church with coconuts, banannas and incense- at 5AM
or . . on Friday at noon you unroll your prayer rug on the driveway in front of your church at hoist your butt in the air.

gargle and spit into the sink at a restaurant after a meal.

at the taqueria, you unwrap the super burrito and tear off sections of the tortilla to scoop up the contents

explain to winos you have no more pens to give

at the cinema, you press up against the back of the person in line ahead of you in the ticket line, then reach around in front of him and shove your money into the ticket booth, then put curry powder on your popcorn.

oh my . . the list is endless!
#3 Aug 31st, 2003, 01:31
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#3
I can relate to most of those

...your favorite reading material is a year-old Trains at a Glance

...you're spending too much time at indiamike.com

...your friends are getting concerned about the way your head wobbles

...you have almost perfected the 'morning sound of India' nasal and throat ablutions ritual
#4 Aug 31st, 2003, 03:01
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#4
stop meeting interesting people everyday

stop smiling all day

do things you don t want to do every day,like work

figth with monkeys

walking in your hometown on a sunday morning without meeting anybody

talk about india on your new workingplace,and nobody listens to you

and and and, the list could really be endless
#5 Aug 31st, 2003, 05:02
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#5
...make comments on the bus like "what do you mean, crowded - just take shallow breaths"

talk about a short film- only two hours...

blame the monkeys for the raided fridge


Ps the random selector - love it
#6 Aug 31st, 2003, 05:41
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#6
Ground the waterheater on the cold water pipe, so you can enjoy those tingles in your feet.
The map is not the territory. --Alfred Korzybski
#7 Aug 31st, 2003, 05:44
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#7
You're genious !


Quote:
....Re-wire all the lights in your house and insert a random selector.
Quote:
...make comments on the bus like "what do you mean, crowded - just take shallow breaths"
#8 Aug 31st, 2003, 07:51
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#8
You ask someone 'who widened and swept the streets while I was away?'.... 'where have all the animals gone'?
"Freedom is not doing what one pleases for the sake of it, but the ability to make good, moral choices to fulfil our social duties to our fellow human beings".
Gandhi
#9 Aug 31st, 2003, 15:38
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#9
when you call up your best friends there, and they remind you that their houses and their workplaces are always waiting for you, in fact, what's taking you sooooo long?
I am almost in tears! It's a good thing amerikanskis like me have Monday off, or I might go in and pick a fight at my USA work just to get fired
sometimes this India addiction is a curse
#10 Aug 31st, 2003, 19:19
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#10
GREAT THREAD.

---adding--

---rearrange your bathroom so you can shower and use the loo at the same time.

---For those who have been to Udaipur, you come home and find yourself watching Octopussy over and over again.

---start wearing flip flops everywhere

---litter with reckless abandon

---when doing business with an Indian run establishment you immediately switch to giving money with the right hand

---when something is going wrong you say "why like this baba" and no one has any clue what your talking about
#11 Aug 31st, 2003, 19:25
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#11
when you go to a pet shop and buy some monkees,dogs,cockroaches,spide rs,rats,geckos and whatever, because your flat is so empty....

when you try to find some indians to live in your flat...
#12 Aug 31st, 2003, 19:28
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#12
crap in front of a policeman
#13 Aug 31st, 2003, 20:41
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#13
You get to wondering why ALL the light switches in your flat actually do something!!!

Start cursing that there's no jug in the bathroom!!!

Begin smiling at perfect strangers in the street!!!

Buy a snack advertised as being "extra hot" then think you've been robbed!!!

When the nieghbours star complaining about the spicy aroma eminating from your flat!!!

Start slaloming and beeping your way through heavy traffic in your home town!!!

Buy a lighter and wonder why it does'nt have the extra "welder setting" like the Indian ones!!!

Find the bells on western bicycles a bit "wimpy"!!!

When you look at your wage slip and see how much tax you've PAID!!!

When you start feeling sorry for the cows locked up in those inhuman fields!!!

When you get dirty looks from the hometown beggers, when you hand them two Rupees!!!

When tea just doesn't cut it anymore!!!

When you make special arrangements to watch the Kumars!!!
#14 Aug 31st, 2003, 23:51
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#14
You may be missing India when: -

- you offer a share of your sandwiches round to fellow passengers on the 08:05 to Liverpool Lime Sreet

- guests ask you why you have an empty food tin on the floor next to your toilet

- you buy Kingfisher Beer when you're in Tesco's

- you need a number two and it crosses your mind to go and crouch by the railway line

- you tell taxi drivers you've been in the UK for 39 years and that you're not a tourist

- you sleep in your car at night

- you ask complete strangers "what is your religion?"

and finally, same as -m2-,

- you check www.indiamike.com every day!!!
#15 Aug 31st, 2003, 23:55
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#15

when you..

- start defending that cricket is not such a boring game after all
- start visiting indiamike.com religiously

(great thread by the way )
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