son-parents relationship

#1 Dec 21st, 2004, 12:54
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Yesterday I saw one Indian film (Bodhaai ho bodhaai), and what surprised me, that when parents became old, older son in the family was considered as a host of the house and was telling them what to do.
Is it then, that first it is parents who tell their children what to do (like in case with choosing life-partner) and then when son is married and parents are old, the roles change?
Do sons suppose to live in the house of their parents to support them when they are old, or there is a choice to live separate with their families?
In case of choice of profession and job is opinion of parents same important as in case of marriage, or there parents participate less?

What are traditions?

My new attempt to understand Indian society better.
#2 Dec 21st, 2004, 13:22
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Is it then, that first it is parents who tell their children what to do (like in case with choosing life-partner) and then when son is married and parents are old, the roles change?
I think this is common place in all societies (although selecting the spouse is a bit extreme) Parents do depend on children to take care if them as they get old, especially since there is no govenment sponsored retirement (social security) income for the aged.


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Do sons suppose to live in the house of their parents to support them when they are old, or there is a choice to live separate with their families?
there is a choice. but society demands that the children take care of the parents. you should watch "Baghban" which depicts what is more common pace in indian cities today.

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In case of choice of profession and job is opinion of parents same important as in case of marriage, or there parents participate less?
It depends on how willful the parents are and how much the kids allow the parents to dominate. In the old days, kids had to depend on parent to pay for school tuition etc. as it was almost impossible to get a job without a college degree. this allowed the parents to have a greater say in the choice of education for their kids. these the booming economy has allowed the youth to take charge of their lives at an earlier age.

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What are traditions?


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My new attempt to understand Indian society better
Good luck! India is a vast and complex country and very difficult to generalize. Do remmebr that movies, especially bollywood movies, aim to entertain and often may not reflect reality
#3 Dec 21st, 2004, 15:49
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especially since there is no govenment sponsored retirement (social security) income for the aged.
Is there no pension-payment for people older then 60?
I thought, it is everywhere.
#4 Dec 21st, 2004, 15:57
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#4
Its very very difficult to generalize!!

Yes, traditionally, it is the responsibility of the children to take care of the older parents.
What is actually implied in the 'taking care' is largely subjective and totally upto individual families.

Some live together, some dont. Some live in the neighbourhood and live independent lives. SOme live in different countries! Present age older parents are largely self sufficient and independent people who have lived satisfying professional lives themselves and may not take too kindly to being 'taken care of'. Some children dont particularly care!

Basic principle is take care. Practice differs and depends upon ppl and is case specific!

Cheers
#5 Dec 21st, 2004, 17:38
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Originally Posted by 2cents Not like in the west.Even those receiving old age pension, the sum would be too small(Rs.300-400) to subsist on.
Basic state pension in UK is about £78 a week. Anyone trying to live on that alone would be having a very hard life. After all the money that we paid in contributions to the scheme, government tells us it is our fault for not having good enough private pension. But, I guess it is better than nothing.
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#6 Dec 21st, 2004, 17:56
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Even those receiving old age pension, the sum would be too small(Rs.300-400) to subsist on.
300-400Rs a month? And not everyone gets even that? What it depends of?
And then what old people live on? Is it then, that either one has savings or children's support?
Here pension is not big, the amount depends on how much one earned when worked, but still in some cases it is old parents who support their grown children.

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Basic state pension in UK is about £78 a week.
It will be 312 a month? I can't imagine how one can live on that in Europe!
#7 Dec 21st, 2004, 21:58
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What are traditions?
A woman with a son has a better commanding power. That is how it is in a larger family. It’s a myth that this is male dominant society. In a public society, may be. But the truth is that it is the females who rules the homes.
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My new attempt to understand Indian society better ?
All the best

My dad has told me during his usual 'how this country should be' session “Son, You’ll live and die here. But you’ll never ever understand this country in your lifetime. I tried but faild, your grand dad tried, he too failed....” .

But nothing wrong in exploring …get a spade and dig…you’ll find some water for sure
It's the journey that is more enjoyable than the destination. That is if you know where you are going.
#8 Dec 22nd, 2004, 13:44
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It turned to be interesting. I guess, I start to understand why having many children is important in India. The more children one has, the more stable he is at old age.
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It’s a myth that this is male dominant society. In a public society, may be. But the truth is that it is the females who rules the homes.
And what about unmarried women? I heard that it is a problem to rent an apartment for a single Ind. woman even in a cities like Delhi or Mumbai.(?)

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“Son, You’ll live and die here. But you’ll never ever understand this country in your lifetime. I tried but faild, your grand dad tried, he too failed....” .
Oh, that is consolation. I thought, it is only me.
#9 Dec 23rd, 2004, 13:37
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The Indian system is good. Just as your parents went through hell to raise you out of love, it is now your duty(obligation) to take care of them in their old age of physical/mental decay. Would definitely prefer this to say living all alone in an elderly home in complete neglect.

Even if you don't love your parents you do it for the sake of upholding your nature, respect and obligation.
#10 Dec 23rd, 2004, 18:38
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but the real indicator of how parochial the indian society is can be gauged from the way it treats single woman.
It seems that in India there are only 2 options either to get married or become renunciate and to live in ashram. Though I had an impression that most parents are against that their children becoming monks/nuns. Here there is also a middle path- when a man or woman don't want to disturb their sadhana with marriage, but stay in society. Though it is already different theme from the original one.
Anyway if I was Indian, I would have so little freedom. (just thinking aloud )
#11 Dec 23rd, 2004, 19:14
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the onus is still on the women here to prove
That is the thing, it is so important in India what others think.
Here there is no need to care about it.
#12 Dec 23rd, 2004, 19:55
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The case is not all that different for a 'single male' too. That is if he is living un married. An old bachelor who is not associated with some thing like politics,ashram etc. are trated like a piece of scrap metal by the society. But the only advantage he is having is that he need not have to 'prove' anything.

Usualy those who chose to live alone (male or female) usually get associated with some organisation or something like that. The fact is that they practically became the part of that 'family'.

There is something is wrong, that is why he/she is single.....

One man(woman) show is not a box office hit here
#13 Dec 23rd, 2004, 20:51
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The case is not all that different for a 'single male' too.
That's interesting, never thought about this before.

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