Relationship advice

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#31 Jul 16th, 2012, 21:46
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#31
@nycanc just change the subject of the phrase "what is this north indian girl thing"? "what is this out cast girl thing"? "what is this gay guy thing?". It certainly make us smile, till we are not into such a situation ourselves. And with this I am done.
#32 Jul 16th, 2012, 21:55
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#32
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Originally Posted by vagabundo View Post @happyhippy THEY told me... in fact the girl went trough a very hardcore born again muslim phase in reaction to her rejection by the hindu establishment. I am talking about people that have become part of my family.
There is nothing in Hinduism which say's anything about this Vagabundo, and just because some some people indulge in certain practices, it shouldn't be mistaken as being "according to Hinduism" . If anything Hinduism is the most liberal and inclusive of all the ways there is out there. In Hinduism, unlike others you can go to a church, mosque, or the gurudwara , practice the belief's of these and still be good Hindu!
#33 Jul 16th, 2012, 22:26
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#33
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Originally Posted by happyhippy View Post If anything Hinduism is the most liberal and inclusive of all the ways there is out there. In Hinduism, unlike others you can go to a church, mosque, or the gurudwara , practice the belief's of these and still be good Hindu!
I found this to be true when I was in India. I was given a mantra from my driver and when he asked which god I prayed to, I said I was Christian. He said, "Then you can say this to Jesus." I was amazed because there's no way a Christian would give the Lord's Prayer to a Hindu and say, "You can just say this to Ganesh." I think Hinduism is very inclusive and liberal compared to other religions.
#34 Jul 16th, 2012, 22:34
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@happyhippy I know, I know... my comments in fact did not intend to be anti hindu at all. I was only referring this particular case I am familiar with. I has promised me not to add a thing on this thread but obviously I have to give you this. Hinduism happily embrace other religions and their practices... it is part of its nature, let's say. Cheers to everybody.
#35 Jul 17th, 2012, 00:18
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#35
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I think Hinduism is very inclusive and liberal compared to other religions.
Try marrying into the sort of family that Virgi encountered then.

Whatever the finer principles and deeper understandings of a religion may be, finer principles and understandings are, very often, not what people people practice.
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Hinduism happily embrace other religions and their practices... it is part of its nature, let's say. Cheers to everybody.
Just ...it doesn't let them into its temples.

Hey ho...
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#36 Jul 17th, 2012, 00:25
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#36
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Originally Posted by Nick-H View Post Try marrying into the sort of family that Virgi encountered then.
Good point - and I am sorry that Virgi has such a major problem.


Virgi, I wish you all the best.
#37 Jul 17th, 2012, 01:05
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#37
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Originally Posted by Nick-H View Post Try marrying into the sort of family that Virgi encountered then.
That sort of family does not represent the way of life advocated by Hinduism!
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Originally Posted by Nick-H View Post Whatever the finer principles and deeper understandings of a religion may be, finer principles and understandings are, very often, not what people people practice.
People practice what suits their socio-psychological needs, and interpret their religion accordingly. Pastors who preach in the nude to a nude congregations, and Snake-handling churches do not represent Christianity! Anyway, Hinduism like India is not a monolithic entity but conglomeration of diverse cultures. Its not a religion , its a way of life, a Dharma!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Nick-H View Post Just ...it doesn't let them into its temples.

Hey ho...
It is not Hinduism that does not let them into temples, but the morons who run the temples.Its only a handful of the large temples that disallow certain people from entering them; these are no longer places of worship but large business enterprises with income the size of some countries budget. What about the millions of small temples where everyone is welcome!

A few who become terrorist and place bomb in other countries, or those who burn thousands of women at stakes for purification, after arbitrary trials accusing them of being witches, are not representatives of their religion or way of life!

Don't put a Rolls Royes in the hands of a bad auto richshaw driver and call it a Nano!
Last edited by happyhippy; Jul 17th, 2012 at 05:28..
#38 Jul 17th, 2012, 05:30
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@Happyhippy: actually his problems is he feels he can’t leave his mom like that, in her situation, mostly because she has given everything to him. Now he feels he must return something, and seeing how his father treats her, he feels he cant hurt her more. but I still feel like there is no need to choose one or the other…

@vagabundo: yes.. the problem is still the same: when she tried to kill herself, he turned weaker… even though he knows why she did it, he says there is a big risk until they decide to accept me. And then, they threatened with hurting us… I find that so terrifying.. Gracias

@Dek: I’m trying… I’m still to lost… but I’m trying, thank you

@Nomad_traveller: That was my idea, but he said things would go worse if I travelled there… He’s also scared that they might try to hurt us, or his mother may try to kill herself..again, she is so selfish… :/ I’ve also been thinking that maybe when he leaves his home for work, he will think all over this again. My fear is it may be too late, as they have found a girl for him. What would my chances be if he was already engaged or everything was settled for his engagement? I want to go there, but I don’t want things between us to get rough in case I go to his home without him knowing :/ I’m sorry you’re going through this too…
@Nycank, vagabundo, Happyhippy: no, in Spain it doesn’t happen anymore But in this case, I think my nationality is not the only thing that matters. They are concerned about being different from anyone else, yes… but as far as I know, even if I were Indian, as long as I’m not someone chosen by his parents I can’t marry him.
And btw, I met him during a cruise. He is a butler on cruise ships and I was his guest. They made him believe he couldn’t make me happy as I’m supposed to have more money than him because I can take cruise ships
@DaisyL: thank you very much

I’d like to say… religion is one thing and a very different thing is what people make out of it. One of the problems for my BFs parents was that I am Catholic and not Hinduist. They tried to keep me away with that. But I said I would convert. I would have no problems to pray to my God in a Hindu temple, not for real Hindus, not for Catholics. Both religions can be lived together, as it doesn’t matter where you pray or how you pray.. religion is a relationship with God and a way of living. Hinduism and Catholithsm (I guess all Cristianity) are pretty similar. But at least I’ve found some Hindus (and of course some Catholics) that only care about the social side of it. This is sad

Thanks for all your support.. I’m still lost and hoping he will come back when he leaves his house. But who knows… Thank you again.
#39 Jul 17th, 2012, 11:33
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#39
Virgi because you seem so sincere and so in love with this guy , one is trying hard to be gentle about this; everything you've said so far is his version of the events at his home which you've had no chance to verify or authenticate. It is easy to say things in a way that would have the desired effect on a listener, especially when you know her very well, while it is only loosely based on reality !
The real problem here may seem to be guy's mother, or the guy who can't choose between the two of you, while its actually you !

You need to examine and sort out why you are subjecting yourself to this nonsense, and the answer is not as simple as "because I love him". Wake-up and smell the coffee, maybe the guy is not all that into you, or he is trying to keep his cake and eat it too! The primary bread winner, especially if its a male, has a place and position in the family hierarchy, and people generally don't mess around too much with him!

You already know what you have do , you are just procrastinating the inevitable!
Take care,
Good luck
#40 Jul 17th, 2012, 12:50
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#40
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Originally Posted by Virgi View Post @Nomad_traveller: That was my idea, but he said things would go worse if I travelled there… He’s also scared that they might try to hurt us, or his mother may try to kill herself..again, she is so selfish… :/ I’ve also been thinking that maybe when he leaves his home for work, he will think all over this again. My fear is it may be too late, as they have found a girl for him. What would my chances be if he was already engaged or everything was settled for his engagement? I want to go there, but I don’t want things between us to get rough in case I go to his home without him knowing :/ I’m sorry you’re going through this too…
I am sorry, maybe i am wrong , but someone should call his mom's bluff, if its not a bluff then she needs counselling, but thats just my opinion

When he is home, a part of him will miss you ( if he really feels for you ) while the other part will be hammered with all the emotional Drama.

Trust me, even if he is engaged or they find another girl, it doesn't matter, if he truly loves you he will break all his chains and bondage's and come back to you ( no matter how much the " Indian Girl " tries, so it all depends on the " love" no .?

Going to his home, hmmmm....
And well, please dont be sorry for me. my situation was totally different, and so were the complications, but we overcame that togather as we felt so strong for each other, parents were not the issue, but yes culture and societal pressures were in a way . everything is fine, my folks really support me and appreciate the decision " we " took . my partner and me are truly happy, it just took sometime, patience but in the end logic and common sense prevailed, not to mention mad , mad love....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgi View Post And btw, I met him during a cruise. He is a butler on cruise ships and I was his guest. They made him believe he couldn’t make me happy as I’m supposed to have more money than him because I can take cruise ships
Classical Indian mentality, dont worry about it, talk to him and tell him that its a partnership, its about two people trying to be partners, money is never the concern its just ego.
P.S- but yeah considering the conversion you might be drawing more money than him, but i dont think it should be an issue among you guys.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Virgi View Post One of the problems for my BFs parents was that I am Catholic and not Hinduist. They tried to keep me away with that. But I said I would convert. I would have no problems to pray to my God in a Hindu temple, not for real Hindus, not for Catholics. Both religions can be lived together, as it doesn’t matter where you pray or how you pray..
I hope the guy and his parents get to read this, and appreciate your values.
i would say converting ones religion due to some compulsion is not appropriate , but then its one's choice, they will make religion an "issue" you trying to remove it from the equation is right.

Dear Virgi,

Please, if you are trying so hard to make this work, its important that you " Really " talk to you " guy ".

Communication is the most important thing now, talk to him, discuss and then come to a conclusion.

I wish you the best, if you want any suggestions on the legality/cops/laws please feel free to pm me, i will try to see what best i can do for you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by happyhippy View Post Virgi because you seem so sincere and so in love with this guy , one is trying hard to be gentle about this; everything you've said so far is his version of the events at his home which you've had no chance to verify or authenticate. It is easy to say things in a way that would have the desired effect on a listener, especially when you know her very well, while it is only loosely based on reality !
The real problem here may seem to be guy's mother, or the guy who can't choose between the two of you, while its actually you !

You need to examine and sort out why you are subjecting yourself to this nonsense, and the answer is not as simple as "because I love him". Wake-up and smell the coffee, maybe the guy is not all that into you, or he is trying to keep his cake and eat it too! The primary bread winner, especially if its a male, has a place and position in the family hierarchy, and people generally don't mess around too much with him!

You already know what you have do , you are just procrastinating the inevitable!
Take care,
Good luck
I agree with Happy Hippy, i would say please look into that angle too, it should not be that you end up his cake, sit and think " alone " and without bias .

And if he is the sole bread earner, yes technically nobody should mess with him so much, but then it all depends on the person.

I would say, before going the last mile because you are " in Love " try to evaluate everything, you guys can take a break for say a month and then again see how it goes, no..?
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#41 Jul 17th, 2012, 14:44
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#41
Happy Hippy, on all that stuff about caste and temple entry and stuff, let me just acknowledge that, yes, I've met far more Hindus that think like you do than the other sort, although, sadly, the other sort are common enough to have a major say in how things actually work in the society. Having said that, the conversation is back on topic, which is the problem that Virgi has experienced, and, although deeper ills are a background to that, we can, and have, talk such things in other threads if we want.

I'm afraid, though, that we are discussing after the event. It seems that Virgi's ex-guy has made his decision and the most useful advice to be distilled from all our answers, sad though it may be in the short term, is move on.
#42 Jul 17th, 2012, 15:21
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#42
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Originally Posted by Nomad_traveller View Post Trust me, even if he is engaged or they find another girl, it doesn't matter, if he truly loves you he will break all his chains and bondage's and come back to you ( no matter how much the " Indian Girl " tries, so it all depends on the " love" no .?
do you consider it fine/good?....well, it all depends on love but not this way, no?
#43 Jul 17th, 2012, 16:01
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#43
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Originally Posted by Dek View Post do you consider it fine/good?....well, it all depends on love but not this way, no?
No , not this way.
But yes, if he does love her, he may go through a bit of all this stuff ( weather he believes in it or not is a different matter ). what i meant to say is that its never too late .

But if it comes to that, Indian or Spanish , love will win as long as the feeling is genuine.

no ?
#44 Jul 17th, 2012, 16:09
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#44
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Originally Posted by Nomad_traveller View Post But yes, if he does love her, he may go through a bit of all this stuff ( weather he believes in it or not is a different matter ). what i meant to say is that its never too late .
What do you mean by this?

I agree with Nick. The best advice we can give her now is to move on.
#45 Jul 17th, 2012, 16:10
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#45
http://www.independent.co.uk/life-st...t-7946683.html

Mixed race marriage: 'my race didn't fit'
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