Mixed marriage? Chinese/ Indian

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#16 Nov 23rd, 2006, 12:37
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  • malakiya is offline
#16
sarah kk ... what you are juggling with was my cup of woes and challenges some 15 years ago. my gf valarie and i struggled with the demons in the mind and the twists that fate unfolds . there is no easy answer as there are far and few model examples to follow or to come to know. further the indian image itself is a mosaic of innumerable permutations to derive any answer or develop a model.... guess only good karma will hedge your risk emerging from the unknown..
#17 Nov 23rd, 2006, 13:47
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  • sudheer poppa is offline
#17
I think the critical aspect is your relation with your boyfreind. How much he is willing to get out and shield you on many of the cultural and related issues with families and close circle.

Outside, as long as you are in a fairly modern residential area, life would be normal. Almost as normal as anywhere else. But if you are living in rather conservative surroundings, there would be a lot of curiosity. Some 'learned' may try to impress you with their tibet knowledge.. but otherwise just take it in your spirit.

However I would not expect any animosity except of course from creeps and drunkards on the street as that infact would be lesser than many other cities in the world.

I have many chinese freinds, all of them while travelling in India have been treated with respect and admiration. Expect for maybe hotels. People do go by Indi-Chini-Bhai-Bhai (Indian and Chinese are like brothers) dialogue. Ofcourse some hotels treat them with less respect, but it has economic reasons more than anything..
We must learn to live together as brothers or perish together as fools - MLK
#18 Nov 23rd, 2006, 13:58
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#18
Hi sarah,
Indian/ chinese marraiges will be looked at as expat/ northeasten indan marriage so no issues really unless yur in-laws are very conservative and want their son to only marry within their community.

Mothers-in-law that is a diffcult one. for mothers their sons are their pride and joy and all the rest. Also mothers are the glue that keeps the family together, peace maker, advice giver etc. and when the new daughter in law comes on the scene the MIL feels threathend and hence may be harsh.

You can try to minimise the firction by defering to her or asking her opinion , help. make friends with her. She is your best ally in the house.

In Middle class or upper class indian homes there is a maid to do the work like dishes, washing clothes, sweeping swabbing and general dusting. You may be resposible for the genral up keep of your room and may be cooking ( in most upper class homes you may also have a cook ) you will be expected to help out in the kitchen. specially if you do not work. Also this is a nice way to spend some girl time with your MIL.

as in any new place watch and see the dynamics of the family i.e who is the leader takes decisions. work accordingly.

Baby outside wedlock - not widely accepted. People may not say anything on your face but will talk behind your back. not a very good environment. If you are expecting while you are in India it is quite possible that your in-laws may insist on a marriage well before the due date so that they/ you can escape the uncomfortable questions.

Hope this is of help. ask any more questions if you like

regards
Mani
#19 Nov 23rd, 2006, 18:44
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#19
Somebody has recently told my husband a tragi-comic story about his cousin, who married a Chinese. They were living in Delhi, with their in-laws. Now...this story might have very little to do with you, as it all comes down to what your flexibility tolerance limits are, your husband's views about a wife's role and, very importantly, your in-laws' views and social status.

That couple is still together, but not living in India anymore, they had to shift abroad to save the marriage. Things were reasonably OK til they had a child, when the war of child-care habits began between this Chinese girl, her mother, who was visiting, and the mother-in-law.

As I said, this might have very little to do with what lies ahead for you. But coming from a mixt marriage myself, and living with an Indian in-law, I can tell you that it is a very very bumpy road.

You might have to cook, and cook Indian-style (food that you might not even like). What Indians take as "chinese cuisine" has little to do with what authentic chinese cuisine tastes like, so you can't be at all sure that they will enjoy your kind of food. You will have to understand how Indian family mentality and hierarchy works, and at least partly accept it. That means having your in-laws "interfering" in your life quite a bit, especially if you live with them. Seeing an Indian man outside his home is one thing, and seeing how he behaves in the presence of his parents can be quite another thing, at times.
#20 Aug 9th, 2007, 03:01
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#20

Fyi

Everytime I read these threads about indians and chinese dating or marrying, it always seems to be about chinese women with indian guys. but i do find that a few indians do accept chinese girls into their families but would hardly do the same for a chinese guy.

I am an american born chinese guy staying in india for the past 2 years and i can tell you that after staying here for some time, anyone who is chinese looking in appearance will come to realize that chinese people are treated very badly in india, are heavily disliked, and looked down upon with much distrust.

indians here constantly call chinese people chinkies, chow mein, and say chong chong chong. when they see a chinese looking girl, they automatically assume that she is either easy or a prostitute. the attitude is very negative towards chinese people. even the newsprint columnists in india are always making fun of china.

all a non-indian woman has to do is just stay in delhi for 3 years and she'll quickly get sick of india
#21 Aug 9th, 2007, 04:43
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#21
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarah_KK View Post No worry. I am just thinking outloud. I am not that far yet.

HK is by no means a traditional Chinese society and the acceptance of that kind of baby is quite high. Of course there are always some more traditional parents dislike the idea.

Alas... I am just scared and yet excited about the unknown future. That's why I am searching the net like mad to find out more things about India. My bf has been very supportive. Still I don't want to be his emotional burden to begin with.
and traditionally the husbands/bf's family decides the child name, religion he/she will practice etc etc. But if this is discussed before hand it be less complicated later on.
#22 Aug 9th, 2007, 05:12
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#22
Not sure if Sarah is still interested in this but, here it goes:
If the family is upper middle class, educated and you are not going to be living with MIL, go for it. It is not outside people that matter, it is his relatives (Females mostly) that will make your life difficult. Right now hormones are calling but, later reality will have to be faced. If you love the boy and he loves you, marry and stay in HK. India is only a short hop away if and when you want to take vacation etc.
My $0.02!!
#23 Aug 9th, 2007, 05:52
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#23
You'll have beautiful children anyway! That should thaw the hearts of the grandparents on both sides
#24 Aug 9th, 2007, 17:28
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#24

negative towards chinese

Quote:
Originally Posted by rooster510 View Post Everytime I read these threads about indians and chinese dating or marrying, it always seems to be about chinese women with indian guys. but i do find that a few indians do accept chinese girls into their families but would hardly do the same for a chinese guy.

I am an american born chinese guy staying in india for the past 2 years and i can tell you that after staying here for some time, anyone who is chinese looking in appearance will come to realize that chinese people are treated very badly in india, are heavily disliked, and looked down upon with much distrust.

indians here constantly call chinese people chinkies, chow mein, and say chong chong chong. when they see a chinese looking girl, they automatically assume that she is either easy or a prostitute. the attitude is very negative towards chinese people. even the newsprint columnists in india are always making fun of china.

all a non-Indian woman has to do is just stay in delhi for 3 years and she'll quickly get sick of india
Rooster's observations have relevance , however need to be seen in context to the his immediate experience to a society in and around Delhi , (as I infer).

The average Indian on the street has been isolated from understanding the various positive dimensions which comprise and are the 'other' attributes of the oriental 'asian'.

Possibly can say that post independence long stand-off between China and India over the borders demarcation, issues on Dalai Lama's exile, Tibets autonomous aspirations, then the short but painful war in 1962 , led to information divide as high as the Himalayas. On the Indian side the mis-information was passed by the political analysts that Chinese are untrustworthy, a-la-a , rude awakening to differing perceptions.
Lower school text books in India in the 1970's contained lessons which referred to Tibet and Han Chinese in a primitive context. So there is serious lack of understanding of China and its history and culture.

Along with this there was a more ancient social issue, the indigenous people of the lower Himalayas were always seen in a light that they were 'simple gullible exploitable people, by the people of the plains. The perception was that people with 'such' physical features means they are weak and easy to be made fun off .


A combination of the above 2 factors could be the hinging factor in the perceptions elicited by Rooster.

The informed Indian knows other wise.


The average experience most Indian when exposed to ground level ( implying the very ordinary - uninformed Chinese in China , S'pore or Hong Kong ) is similarly distorted. Prejudices with regard to race , color and cultural attributes like eating using your ' hands' make much room similar unpleasant feelings...

The awareness in China is just about as limited after all the year's of tightly controlled society...


Things will change Rooster... , surely , it will take time, the tyranny of time and history cannot be written of so easily.

When stands below the Goose pagoda at Xian, at the very end of the silkroad, looking up I did recount how Xuan Zang (Huan-Tsang)in the 7th century AD brought all the books and stories with him after his travels and studies in India to the open culture of Tang dynasty at its peak , to settle down and translate all the exciting information and religion into Chinese... . China and India have long interconnected culturally and ideologically.

Things are just warming up after a thaw, just see how the world order will change..


Meanwhile , any woman , leave a side a foreigner , will get 'that look' for a while in Delhi and its hinterland...
#25 Sep 17th, 2007, 11:53
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  • Nicole Zhang.Jaiswal is offline
#25
Hi there,this is Nicole,a chinese gal,who is leaving to Delhi in Nov and will live there,probably forever...cuz my bf works in Delhi,i will marry him,so will marry Delhi as well,hehe.
well im wondering if i need buy some gifts for his parents and siblings,if need,what should i buy for them,plz give me some tips,and besides,im not sure if i could find a job,a teaching job in Delhi,well im a professional teacher teaching mandarin in Beijing,i love my career,hope keep it rolling there,its possible? r there some indian who d like to learn mandarin? really appreciate any tips and threads thanks
#26 Sep 17th, 2007, 12:17
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  • shashank.aggarwal is offline
#26
Hey Nicole..nice to read Nicole Zhang Jaiswal

Well brides are not expected to buy gifts...but yes her parents sure are expected...but that goes with ceremonies in elaborate Hindu weddings..

I guess that learning Mandarin is getting popular these days...as China and India are doing lot of business and corporates want their employees to be aware about the language...

I would say try contacting some language schools like Ilingua etc..a google search on language schools in Delhi would surely help..
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#27 Sep 17th, 2007, 12:33
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#27
malakiya, that is a very interesting post.

In terms of the average uneducated Indian on the street, he lives in a very defined society, and anything foreign is... well, foreign! But I am afraid that some foreign is more equal than others.

Nicole... what a wonderful combination of cultures is meeting together in your ID! Welcome to IndiaMike

Yes, your man's family will appreciate gifts. Maybe best to ask his recommendation of what to bring.

Working may be a little complex for you, visa-wise. But I'm sure you will find some way to use your teaching skills. When I first came to Chennai, as a tourist, I had a guide who told me he was fluent in Japanese (in fact we passed a group of Japanese tourists, and he said, "they would be amazed to know that I understand what they are saying!"). He specialised in Japanese tour groups. There are bound to be Indians who want to learn Chinese --- its just a matter of finding them!

<cross-posted with Shashank --- who is more optimistic and beter informed than me! >
~
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#28 Sep 17th, 2007, 12:37
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  • Nicole Zhang.Jaiswal is offline
#28

thanks Shashank:)

i already feel the warmth and friendly from India
#29 Sep 17th, 2007, 12:54
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#29
thanks u guys,S and N,ur follow up replies,heheas to the job there,i know its not that easy,actually i ever googled the language school or kinda training centers,but not going very well,maybe im just a little bit upset about this trip,life long bittersweet trip,hehe.

im wondering what i should do the most ritht now is to prepare myself,and get myself fit into the whole culture,hm, the job thing,better wait for some fly luck hit on me lah,:P
#30 Sep 17th, 2007, 13:44
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#30
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nicole Zhang.Jaiswal View Post Hi there,this is Nicole,a chinese gal,who is leaving to Delhi in Nov and will live there,probably forever...cuz my bf works in Delhi,i will marry him,so will marry Delhi as well,hehe.
well im wondering if i need buy some gifts for his parents and siblings,if need,what should i buy for them,plz give me some tips,and besides,im not sure if i could find a job,a teaching job in Delhi,well im a professional teacher teaching mandarin in Beijing,i love my career,hope keep it rolling there,its possible? r there some indian who d like to learn mandarin? really appreciate any tips and threads thanks
You're a professional teacher teaching Mandarin??? U have no idea how much in demand u wud be. Head straight for Jawaharlal Nehru Univ's Chinese Dept. It is probably the best in India, at one time the only place in Delhi that one cud learn Chinese. But I cannot believe they have an easy time finding teachers - the number of Indians learning Chinese (increasing every year), but then wanting to teach it is not very high. If u are married to an Indian and living here, your work visa will not be a problem at all, might take a little time, that's all.
I shud mention that JNU is a govt-run univ, so 1) there may be a good deal of bureaucracy involved in getting hired as a foreigner, and 2) the salary will not be very high. But it cud be a start at least, to keep u busy while u get used to living here and finding your way around. U cud also check out the possibility of a "visiting" teacher's position, i.e. short-term, that might involve less bureaucracy. Once u're in, it wud not be too difficult to extend the visiting period - I think.
Here's JNU's website, have a look around.
Other than that, I shud mention again that demand for learning Chinese is growing generally and so there shud easily be opportunities for private teaching positions as well - the number of teachers available has to be woefully short, and a 'native' speaker like yourself has to be considered top-of-the-line! I'm afraid I don't know of any teaching institutions in Delhi though, maybe googling will help. U cud also write to the Chinese Embassy, I'm guessing they wud have a list of teaching places as well.
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