Joke for the day!! (part deux)

#1696 Sep 15th, 2009, 09:30
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#1696
Quote:
Originally Posted by skell View Post


'THE TEETH.'
#1697 Sep 16th, 2009, 16:20
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#1697
Italian Honeymoon

After returning from his honeymoon in Florida with his new bride, Virginia, Luigi stopped by his old barbershop in Jersey to say hello to his friends.

Giovanni said, "Hey Luigi, how wasa da treep?"

Luigi said, "Everyting wasa perfecto except for da train ride down."

"Whata you mean, Luigi?" asked Giovanni.

"Well, we boarda da train at Grana Central Station. My beautiful Virginia, she pack a biga basket a food.

She brough ta da vino, some nice cigars for me, and we were lookina forward to da trip, and open upa da luncha basket.

The conductor e come aby, waga his finger at us anda say, 'no eat indisa car. Musta use a dining car.'

So, me and my beautiful Virginia, we go to da dining car, eat a biga lunch and starta ta open da bottle of a nice a vino!

Conductore walka by again, waga his finger and say, 'No drinka in disa car! Musta use a cluba car.' So, we go to cluba car.

While a drinkina da vino, I starta to lighta my biga cigar. The conductore, he waga is finger again and say, 'No a smokina disa car. Musta go to a smokina car.'

"We go to a smokina car and I smoke a my biga cigar.

Then my beautiful Virginia and I, we go to a sleeper car anda go to bed. We just about to go boombada boombada and the conductore, he walka through da hallway shouting at a top of his a voice..

'Nofolka Virginia ! Nofolka Virginia !'

"Nexta time, I'ma just gonna taka da bus ..
#1698 Sep 16th, 2009, 16:22
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#1698
Any one had email alert not coming on this subject? I am not getting when new post comes ? any idea .

Enjoy and have a nice day.
#1699 Sep 17th, 2009, 01:15
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#1699
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaws View Post Any one had email alert not coming on this subject? I am not getting when new post comes ? any idea .
Did you see if you have subscribed to this thread here => http://www.indiamike.com/india/subscription.php You need to be logged on to the site when you want to check this. Best wishes!
Did you wear the other person's shoe today?
#1700 Sep 17th, 2009, 01:26
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#1700
indracal
Yes i have logged in and checked but sometimes still does not come. only started recently not to receive notification.
Thanks for reply.
#1701 Sep 17th, 2009, 15:23
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#1701
A Mexican woodpecker and a Canadian woodpecker were in Mexico arguing about which place had the toughest trees. The Mexican woodpecker claimed Mexico had a tree that no woodpecker could peck. The Canadian woodpecker accepted his challenge and promptly pecked a hole in the tree with no problem. The Mexican woodpecker was amazed.

The Canadian woodpecker then challenged the Mexican woodpecker to peck a tree in Canada that was absolutely 'im-peckable' (a term woodpeckers like to use). The Mexican woodpecker expressed confidence that he could do it and accepted the challenge. The two flew to Canada where the Mexican woodpecker successfully pecked the so-called 'im-peckable' tree almost without breaking a sweat.

Both woodpeckers were now terribly confused. How is it that the Canadian woodpecker was able to peck the Mexican tree, and the Mexican woodpecker was able to peck the Canadian tree, yet neither was able to peck the tree in their own country?

After much woodpeckpondering, they both came to the same conclusion: Apparently, your pecker gets harder when you're away from home.
#1702 Sep 18th, 2009, 03:23
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#1702
The phone bill was exceptionally high and the man of the house called a family meeting...

On a Saturday morning... after breakfast...

Dad: People this is unacceptable. You have to limit the use of the phone. I do not use this phone, I use the one at the office.

Mum: Same here, I hardly use this home telephone as I use my work telephone.

Son: Me too, I never use the home phone. I always use my company mobile.

Maid: So - what is the problem? We all use our work telephones !!!!!
#1703 Sep 18th, 2009, 07:50
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#1703
Tower: 'Delta 351, you have traffic at 10 o'clock, 6 miles!'
Delta 351: 'Give us another hint! We have digital watches!'
______________________________ ____
From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: 'I'm f..ing bored!'
Ground Traffic Control: 'Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!'
Unknown aircraft: 'I said I was f..ing bored, not f...ing stupid!'
______________________________ ______
A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, 'What was your last known position?'
Student: 'When I was number one for takeoff.'
______________________________ _________________

A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the following:
Lufthansa (in German): ' Ground, what is our start clearance time?'
Ground (in English): 'If you want an answer you must speak in English.'
Lufthansa (in English): 'I am a German, flying a German airplane, in Germany . Why must I speak English?'

Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent): 'Because you lost the bloody war!'
______________________________ _______________________

Tower: 'Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff , contact Departure on frequency 124.7'
Eastern 702: 'Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway.'
Tower: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern 702?'
BR Continental 635: 'Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger; and yes, we copied Eastern... We've already notified our caterers.'
______________________________ ________________
One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,’ What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?'
The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a real zinger: 'I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and I'll have enough parts for another one.'
#1704 Sep 18th, 2009, 13:21
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#1704

Perfect solution

The passenger sat in the backseat of an Indian taxi, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip.


The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver.


She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.


He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?"


"Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."


********
#1705 Sep 18th, 2009, 17:24
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#1705
Quote:
Originally Posted by ebby View Post ...not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck.

He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side...

********
I think this post is in the wrong section of IndiaMike. This section is for JOKES, not Factual Accounts of your experiences with Indian Transport!

Pro Travel photos at GnomePlanet - www.gnomeplanet.com/ Also with Getty Images. Travelling Tim - www.mapability.com/blogs/ Lightroom Keywords for Photographers - www.photo-keywords.com/
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

Mark Twain
#1706 Sep 18th, 2009, 18:14
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#1706
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimMakins View Post I think this post is in the wrong section of IndiaMike. This section is for JOKES, not Factual Accounts of your experiences with Indian Transport!
LMAO !
#1707 Sep 18th, 2009, 18:24
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#1707
Quote:
Originally Posted by TimMakins View Post I think this post is in the wrong section of IndiaMike. This section is for JOKES, not Factual Accounts of your experiences with Indian Transport!

Already linked to "How to cross an Indian Road "in India for Beginners
#1708 Sep 19th, 2009, 13:34
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#1708

Leave Letters and Applications

This is a collection of leave letters and applications written by people in various places of India ...

1. Infosys, Bangalore : An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife, please sanction me one-week leave.

2. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old son: "as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."

3. Another gem from CDAC. Leave-letter from an employee who was performing his daughter's wedding:
"as I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave.."

4. From H.A.L. Administration dept:
"As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it, please grant me 10 days leave."

5. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave"

6. An incident of a leave letter
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."

7. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today"

8. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
"As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day."

9. Covering note: "I am enclosed herewith..."

10. Another one:
"Dear Sir: with reference to the above, please refer to my below..."

11. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave".

12. Letter writing: -
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."

13. A candidate's job application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a ' Typist and an Accountant - Male or Female'...As I am both(!! )for the past several years and I can handle both with good experience, I am applying for the post.
#1709 Sep 19th, 2009, 16:40
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#1709

The Arranged Marriage

A good family is most concerned that their 30-year-old son is unmarried.
So, they call a marriage broker and ask him to find their son a good wife. The broker comes over to their house and spends a long time asking questions of the son and his parents as to what they want in a wife/daughter-in-law. They give him a long shopping list of requirements.

The marriage broker takes a long time looking, and finally asks to visit the family again. He then tells them of a wonderful woman he has found.

He says she's just the right age for the son. She keeps a good home, she regularly attends the place of worship and knows the prayers by heart, and she’s a wonderful cook. She loves children and wants a large family. And, to crown it all off, she's gorgeous.

After hearing all this, the family is very impressed and begins to get excited about the prospects of a wedding in the near future.

But the son pauses and asks inappropriately: 'Is she also good in bed?'

The marriage broker answers, 'Some say yes, some say no....'
#1710 Sep 22nd, 2009, 22:14
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#1710
Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and Thinking, Surely I Can't Look That Old?

Well...you'll Love This One.

My Name Is Alice Smith And I Was Sitting In The Waiting Room For My First Appointment With A New Dentist.

I Noticed His DDS Diploma, Which Bore His Full Name.

Suddenly, I Remembered A Tall, Handsome, Dark-haired Boy With The Same Name Had Been In My High School Class Some 30-odd Years Ago.

Could He Be The Same Guy That I Had A Secret Crush On, Way Back Then? Upon Seeing Him, However, I Quickly Discarded Any Such Thought.

This Balding, Grey-haired Man With The Deeply Lined Face Was Way Too Old To Have Been My Classmate. After He Examined My Teeth, I Asked Him If He Had Attended Morgan Park High School .

'Yes. Yes, I Did. I'm A Mustang,' He Gleamed With Pride.

'When Did You Graduate?' I Asked.

He Answered, 'In 1975. Why Do You Ask?'

'You Were In My Class!', I Exclaimed.

He Looked At Me Closely.

Then, That Ugly, Old, Bald, Wrinkled, Fat Ass, Grey-haired, Decrepit, Son-of-a-bitch Asked Me, 'What Did You Teach?'
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