budget horrorscope 2005-2006 - India Travel Forum | IndiaMike.com

budget horrorscope 2005-2006

#1 Jan 14th, 2005, 17:20
Join Date:
Sep 2004
nasik, maharastra
  • sadhuji is offline
With the lengthening shadows of the Annual budget fast approaching I thought of having a go at creating a horror-scope for what the new financial year will have in store for us. With due apologies to Bejan Daruwalla from whom I have identified the Zodiac sign cross linked with the date ranges, here goes –

Aries (March 20 – April 19) - those born in this period of the year normally lead a healthy life. It is springtime and spring is one of the best seasons. Winter has gone and summer has yet to make an entry. With the end of the financial year, worries of meeting deadlines take a back seat. With holidays on the anvil, you should plan for some exotic holiday package. The FM is considering extending some concessions in hotel and airline bookings to attract more patrons.

Taurus (April 20 – May 20) – exercise care and caution in whatever you do. Do not be like a bull in a china shop. Frustration should not make an animal out of you. Vent your feelings on the stock market. The FM assures that the BSE will hover around 6500 throughout the year.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) – it is all about believing in pairs. Sometimes you buy one and get one free – like the promotional ads. Sometimes they come in pairs – like shoes, socks. It is summer and with reduced availability of electricity, using the pair of hands by rotation to fan yourself becomes important. Like using your pair of legs to climb instead of using the elevator – because there is no electricity. They have been diverted to the fields to boost agricultural production so that we can allow the excess to rot in our cold storages. The FM is thinking of making provisions to extend suitable rebates to counter these hardships when a citizen is denied power supply.

Cancer (June 21 – July 22) – the word itself spells miseries. How one contacts this disease remains shrouded in mystery. It strikes suddenly and does not give you time to come to grips with the situation. The medics say that your days are numbered, as if you did not know. Apart from this, the period is devoted to the monsoons. Hence, water borne diseases enter the scene apart from cold, cough and all such related diseases. Those in the medical profession have a field day. The FM proposes to levy 1% surcharge on the taxes paid by the medics.

Leo (July 23 – August 22) – it is the time of Independence. Lions that once used to roar, today meow. March past and salutes despite the rains are what these celebrations are all about. Unfurling the tricolor, singing the national anthem are all mandatory activities. And, of course, films like Manoj Kumar’s ‘Upkar’ and Raj Kumar’s ‘Tiranga’ are a must in the afternoon slot of the TV. The FM proposes incentives for more of such films.

Virgo (August 23 – Sept 22) – chastity belts have gone out of fashion. It is for individuals to take necessary precautions. With the monsoons receding, floods are likely to be reported from some parts of the country. Keep a lot of loose changes with you to drop into those slots at road corners collecting donations for the flood affected. Also, keep old clothes bundled up for offloading to these unfortunate persons. The FM may increase the rebate amount for donations to such causes.

Libra (Sept 23 – October 22) – the festival season is upon us. Be careful how you plan to move around. Always be on the alert for characters with photo enabled mobiles. You never know where you may be thrown up! The FM plans to tax such phones at double the rate of ordinary mobiles. He knows that such taxation will not deter the users but, no harm in trying is his motto.

Scorpio (Oct 23 – Nov 21) – like the song Mohammed Ali – ‘fly like a butterfly…he stings like a bee!’ Yes, the sting is very much there but the effect is lost. There have been quite a number of Scorpions who have made it big all over the World. May their tribe increase.

Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21) – with the approach of winter, check the cupboard to find out how many moth eaten sweaters are there. The severity of winter is gradually vanishing from the plains. People blame it all on the concretisation of villages, on the depletion of the green cover. To rectify such after effects, our FM is thinking of giving incentive to those who are able to plant and maintain at least five trees in his neighborhood for a period of five years.

Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19) – with probably the last of the festivals of the year viz. Christmas and New Year, winter vacations of the children and lapsable leaves of the employed, this is the best time to travel. The FM intends to popularize flying. Having invited foreign airlines, he has to ensure that they also get customers. So, some fantastic tax saving offers is being worked out by his Ministry.

Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 17) – do not be afraid of water. We are sending Mars probes to locate the existence of water in other planets. What is available on our planet is gradually getting contaminated and unpotable. Further results of industrialization. Projects of cleaning up the major rivers are resulting in the cleaning up of all our finances. Obviously, our FM is worried. Relying on bottled water is one option. Getting pure water from salt water is another option. The FM is seriously contemplating whether to grant tax holiday to those who can guarantee a continuous supply of pure water for at least five years. Why five? Well, that is the normal tenure of all MPs.

Pisces (Feb 18 – Mar 19) – when disasters like the tsunami strikes it affects the availability of fish. You become like a fish out of water. Be careful of what type of fish comes to the markets. Go only for the fresh river fish. Try to avoid stuff that is laid out from the ice containers. If possible, go for the tinned varieties from other countries. They are available in plenty and are more hygienic. The FM is thinking of weaning people away from such foods by granting incentives to support the cause of milk and milk products. They are equally nourishing and wholesome.

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