Dealing With Loneliness

Kit-Cat

And mango stones can be dangerous when they slip out of your hands and become projectiles...

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Nick-H

Kit-Cat, even my wife is protective; it is natural for the one who knows all the bad stuff in a place, I guess, and many of us are very naive about India.

However, I still feel safer on the streets than I did sometimes in London. You do have to just get out there!

Now, I feel a bit bad about saying that, because I can spend a week in my house, venturing sometimes as far as the garden --- but that is how I have always been, so neither India nor my spouse made a big difference. On the other hand, my earlier days here were full of exploration, and I got to know many of central areas of Chennai by just putting a map in my bag and going for a walk.

Being a regular will come very easily, because you will always be recognised when you go shopping. You can quickly get shops and restaurants into your circuit.

Even driving here is not as impossible as it seems. Well, not quite...

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Haze

Kit-Cat

Just a thought about the rickshaws......have you used/would you use a sling for your baby? I have a ring sling here that I don't use any more. It's a little on the large size - that is it would fit someone broader and with more in the general chest area than I have - I'd happily bring it and give it to you if you'd use it, or even try it. The reason I mention the sling is that it keeps Baby strapped to you, and you may all feel a little safer and more comfortable in an auto if you know she can't roll/drop/fall.

Just a thought.

Haze

PS Slings are also great for discreet breastfeeding.

manali4now

Now explain again what makes you "less independent" in getting around town?

1) Is it your husband and family feeling nervous you going out alone?
2) Is it you feeling nervous, or with your baby, going out alone?

I have a hard time understanding your situation.

Listen, Indians are a sociable bunch of people and have a strong streak of curiousity. But it is usually good natured.

One way around "being a curiosity" and gawked at is to go out and often. Make it so that when they see you coming, you are an EVERYDAY OCCURANCE. Soon you will become "part of the scenery."

Don't be the recluse who rarely goes out alone....To the point the neighbors and shop people say, "look the shy foreigner is actually coming our of her hidy hole."

Your husband can also make special arrangements with specific richshaw drivers to be extra careful in driving for you. It just means he has to go and speak with them, tell them to go slow and pay them a little extra baksheesh.

It may be that your husband in OVERLY PROTECTIVE of you and the baby...in the end, though, this works against you becoming comfortable/independent in your surroundings.

Listen, I have had my share of "eve teasing" as a single female. The last time it was two twelve year old boys who went to pinch me (believe it or not). All I did was grab one by his sweater, yanked him back and smacked him upside his head and proceeded to drag to him a jawan standing nearby. Scared the crap out him! (makes me laugh now, but it taught him a lesson).

My mother got into a fight with a trickster silk merchant in Varanasi many years ago. He wouldn't let her put her shoes back on and leave the shop until she bought a piece of silk he cut (without agreeing to a final price). She just yelled "help, help" twice and a gaggle of Indian women came storming into the shop and escorted my mom out of the shop (while yelling at the bad merchant).

I am telling you these "stories" in order to prove one thing, you are not powerless and in normal day-to-day activities there are always people nearby who will respond.

manali4now

Dear KitKat:

Do you live in a larger metropolitan area or town? I mean, it's not like you are the ONLY FOREIGNER for miles and miles is it?

Nick-H

It is a very important point that you will soon become part of the scenery.

anarkali

Hi Kit-Cat,

Welcome to the forum, and congratulations on your new little Miss!

As a Hindi learner, I can recommend the Rupert Snell Teach yourself Hindi book and cd set to give you a good grounding in Hindi. Though I didn't myself learn from the Snell set (I learnt at university with my teacher's own text books), I do carry the Snell book around with me as a handy and compact reference. You can usually find the books you need in the bigger Indian cities, but If you don't find the Teach Yourself stuff locally, it's available pretty cheaply from online bookstores. Have just Googled Teach Yourself Marathi and it's available too (authors RS Deshpande, GE Salpekar).

I definitely agree with folks who recommend to persist with the language learning (eg Marathi with the dishwasherwali!) - it's a matter of your own survival! Once you learn the basics, your confidence in making your way around unaccompanied will grow in leaps and bounds.

All the best discovering your surroundings!

imcom

Being from a town where people love to "enjoy doing nothing", I might be able to give you some tips . I am originally from around Pune - I have lived past 6 years abroad - studying, working during numerous activities and I have spent last 6 months just doing nothing(for a variety of reasons) after I moved back.
1) Get high speed interenet and download & watch movies.
2) Get yourself addicted to seinfeld, friends, scrubs and you won't even know how time flies.
3) Call up random numbers and try to have some conversation(ok - that is a joke ).
4) Go to the nearby market and eat different fruits every day.
5) Invite relatives of your husband(I am sure he will have PLENTY) and tell them you love the food they make - it worked so well for me.
6) Get a different toy for your kid every other(or few) day - you don't need to spend huge amount of money - you can get something for even 10-40 rs.
7) Open up a blog - and create an online friends circle. I have a stock-market blog and I am planning to start a personal blog soon. Oh yes - create a portfolio on finance website and trade virtual stocks - its such a rush of adrenaline
8) Get an xbox\ps2 - kill those monsters.
9) Do you like quilting\painting\pottery? If not, have you contemplated trying it?
10) Get to know your neighbors. Then invite their kids to your home. You will be amazed the speed with time passes.
11) Teach english or take some classes at home?
12) Make an attempt to buy a different outfit

You can probably rent a car with a driver if you can afford. Or you can get to know a reliable rickshaw wala and use him for the travel.. I wouldn't venture to drive though.

If you could go out then...
1) Learn spanish\german\french.
2) Go to different fairs - rajasthan fair\gypsy fair\food fair etc. etc. and buy cool stuff for cheap price (I am thinking of offering a course in bargaining - just kidding ).
3) Check out historical places and museums - there are plenty in Pune
4) Go to Mumbai for Lindy-hop once in a while. (Come on you are from east coast).
5) Learn bollywood\indian dance or indianized-salsa
6) Just walk around the town and admire the curious people gazing at foreighners like they have just seen aliens and they have achieved nirvana!

If any of above comments\thoughts offend anyone or illegal in any manner - I apologise and I hope everyone appreciates the humor. I am tired of typing and I have written some things off the top of my head. I am sure - if I think for a few minutes more, I can write a lot of other nothing-something things but I will keep them for next time. Hope you overcome the boredom and learn enjoying the boredom! To the betterment of world!

Nick-H

I think "get yourself a hobby" might have covered it.

But, speaking as an internet addict, I really can vouch for the fact that there is no substitute for getting out of the house...

imcom

Agreed. But its not as fun as writing a 50+ lines mail!

4gotoIndia

I completely agree with the sling idea. Get one and also get the number of a reliable rickshaw driver. THen get out of the house as much as possible. Being at home alone with a small baby is lonely enough ANYWHERE in the world... Go to the same cafe, book shop whatever a few times, and get to know people. You will get lots of interest with the baby... but use it to your advantage.
Good luck!
mrs4

DrHeckleAndMrSnide

If you're near a "Crossword" bookstore .... as far as I can remember, there were 3, one in Aundh, one in Sohrab Hall and one on J.M. Road, you could spend time there reading books and sipping coffee... (ala Barnes and Noble?) .... I actually read an entire novel one day in one sitting, thus saving me from having to buy the book ( I'm cheap )

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PurnimaS

I know this is probably a little redundant but I think the best way to deal with loneliness is a good book and some meditation, perhaps even some james taylor?

selwa28

hellooo

i can understand how you feel kit kat, ive been my self living in mumbai for a year now, the only difference is that i have no babies yet...congratulations for yours :-)
what can i advice you, i think you can maybe do some work from home, as an english teacher for example, any subject in which you feel you can do well and help..maybe you can also go for private tuitions...you think you will be able to do that ?

WhiteDosa

Oh this is wonderful news! I can't tell you how happy we both are that we will not be without NPR and particularly those two shows, lol.

About the piano, were you able to buy that there and would you mind saying how much it cost? My daughter takes piano lessons here and is very talented at it, so I'm very happy if she will be able to continue it there.