Dealing With Loneliness

Kit-Cat

Hello,

I have been living in India for almost a year now. We live with my husband's parents, which isn't all that bad. About a month after we moved here, we learned I was pregnant and I spent the next thirty some-odd weeks on near complete bedrest. I can't drive as yet, and I have had severe difficulties in learning Hindi and Marathi. I don't go out much...I usually have to ask several times before anyone has time to take me any place. My husband doesn't feel comfortable about me taking rickshaws or things like that, especially with the baby. Does anyone have any coping strategies for boredom and loneliness? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated. My husband tries his best, but he is trying to get his own business off the ground in addition to helping with the family business.

Thank you!

glimmer3

Hey, first let me say congratulations on being a new mom! I admire you for having been here so long. You definitely need to start learning Hindi and Marathi - you want to be able to speak/understand them as your child learns them. So ask your husband to sign you up for classes someplace nearby. Plus that will give you reason to get out of the house. That's something you should do for at least an hour everyday - perhaps your mother in law will be willing to watch the baby. If you can take classes, start going to a nearby gym (maybe even with your husband), go for walks, that will help a lot. And you must start learning how to travel by auto. Learn how tell the driver where you want to go and ask how much the fare is. Learn numbers in Hindi so you can pay the fare. It won't take long to learn how to travel at least in the local area of your city. If you start traveling in areas where you know you could walk home if you really needed to, then it will increase your self-confidence and your safety won't be an issue. If you know any other new moms - start visiting each other.

Aishah

Congrats on your baby, Kit-Cat - I can understand how you feel living in an environment quite different to the one you were in before, and many changes and adapting being made. I've lived here now for nearly 9 years and I have to say the first couple of years were probably the hardest.
One of the most important things is for you to have something that you enjoy doing yourself, that doesn't necessarily require the company of others - it could be some hobby you are interested in, handicraft activity, writing, reading, etc. Learning Hindi with the aid of some teach yourself books, or even better if you can find someone to teach you - all these sorts of things help combat loneliness.
I found when I finally got a computer about 2 and a half years ago, the world opened up for me! I used to just do my emails out in the market, and wouldn't sit in somebody else's shop for hours on end. Now I can do all sorts of things from home, and it's marvellous. Slowly you will come to find friends, and this also helps as well. A busy life keeps loneliness at bay too.
Enjoy your baby - I think a lot of your time will be taken up here as well!

__________________
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

Peregrine

Hello Kit-Cat

Welcome to the group. Can you take walks in your neighborhood? There might be some neighbor ladies with children the same age. You could start your own play groups. I think classes are a great idea however if you can not do to transportation try a Hindi CD or audio tape course. My kids and I are learning Hindi using Rosetta Stone. You could also have a tutor come to your house. Then once you have a basic knowledge of the language it will make it easier to make some local friends and get around the city. You could also look for a local expat group. They usually have a lot of activities and you could meet a lot of new people. I hope things get better for you.

Peregrine

Tapestry

I'm not sure where you are from, but if you're American and are used to listening to NPR you can get a worldspace radio for those familiar voices! For some reason whenever I relocate having NPR there makes the transition hugely easier. Plus, if you take up a handicraft hobby or something you can do it while listening to the radio. Worldspace Radio has great music stations, too. The background talking or music may make you feel like you're not alone.

Ambler

I too have missed NPR a lot since moving abroad, but have found podcasts of most of the programs I loved (Fresh Air, Prarie Home Companion, This American Life) are available free for download. It helps keep me connected to the outside world, as being an expat can sometimes be isolating, even in the friendliest of cultures. Sometimes I want access (through another means than reading) to something that is from my culture.

Aishah

Yes, Tapestry, that's one of those great ideas! You can't believe how thrilled I was when I heard in my living room here Radio National from Australia - and this was after 5 years of silence in that direction!!

Peregrine

There is a forum on here called IndiaMike Meetups with a thread on Pune.

Peregrine

Haze

Hi Kit-Cat

Congratulations on the baby. Brilliant. Boy or girl? Name? How old?

My girls and I will be in Pune at the end of next month. We'll only be there for about a week, but we'd LOVE to meet up with you. I can't PM you yet, but if you hang around here for a week or so and make (I think) 10 posts, you'll have that facility and we can swap personal details like email addresses and phone numbers privately.

I lived in Pune in 2002 and was back there for 3 months last year, so I'd be happy to take you to some of my fave places, if you think that might help. Pune - in my experience - is a very friendly place full of lovely locals, so I don't think you'll have any problem making friends once you start to get out and about. It's also one of the easier places to take autos because they are metred and the fare is not open to dispute once you know the formula. Also, the numerals on the metres are Arabic - so we can read them.

In the meantime I think the others who have responded on here have made some excellent recommendations.

Keep your chin up - it does get better!

Haze

sanjaymehra

Dear Kit Cat,
That is tough. Cities can be terribly lonely in any country, but doubly so when you are new and don't know the language. But, in India, you will find that if you make the effort to get to know your neighbours, extended family the response to being friendly is usually fast and sure. Most extended families in the metros understand and go out of their way to make a new foreign member comfortable. And of course a baby is such a great binder, both with family and friends. Don't shy away from verbal contact with your neighbours and family. Life will tend to become easier as you go along.

ananda2193

Get a kitty-cat kit-cat or a doggy. I'm sure your little one would love it. Maybe you could also volunteer someplace. Or teach English part time.

ssbrar744

Kit-Cat!
Boredom and Loneliness bothers people who have not been able to develope any interests...I am sure you have your hands full with the baby!When the baby sleeps,get on to the computer,read a book,find a girlfriend in the neighbourhood with similar interests who you can go out with,try gardening or potted plants,find a Yoga centre close by,join a group for social work,look after babies in a nursery..you'll need that for your baby as well!Your interests must be such that you get up in the morning and are actually looking forward to the activities...if you do not cultivate these interests,you are ripe fodder for other problems ...what more can I say?Get out and get involved,Kit-Cat!!All the best!

Haze

Kit-Cat

Apart from being healthy, a regular daily walk will help broaden your social network in India! The constitutional daily walk is an institution, as I'm sure you've noticed. If you take yours at the same time of the day, you will find that you're meeting the same people every day. They will smile at you and you will smile back.....next time, you'll greet each other. Within a week, you'll be stopping to chat. Et voila! You have a new friend!

Whereabouts are you from originally, by the way?

Haze

Kit-Cat

Hello,

Thank you for all of your suggestions...after having been left to myself for so long, some of these were staring at me plain in the face yet I couldn't see them!! I am American, from the Philadelphia region...and I had a baby girl two months ago. She hasn't had her naming ceremony yet, so my husband has asked me not to post the name until she does. She is generally a good baby; I think she is going through a growth spurt because she has been doing some three-hour long marathon feeding sessions some days...

As for NPR, my husband loves Car Talk and Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me. It seems I can't escape Car Talk's Click and Clack, no matter where we are!!

My husband and I will try to go for walks in the evening. The neighborhood is generally safe, but I generally feel more comfortable with him since walking with the baby generates so much interest. I am the only one in the house not working outside the house, so am by myself quite often. I am going to try to start playing the piano while the little Miss is asleep; I have a digital piano with an earphone jack. And I probably should start writing again. I published a short book some time ago. I did leave room for a sequel. And the woman who comes in to do our dishes has decided to make me speak some Marathi everyday with her (she speaks proper Marathi), so I should learn more than the basics soon.

Again, thank you to all that have replied. I will keep everyone updated on my progress!

Kit-Cat

Hi Haze,

I will PM you when I have access to the facility.

Thank you!