Can this inter-cultural relationship make it??

kmalik · Jul 19th, 2008, 02:06

Sorry Federika -

My apologies! I did not mean at all to attack you personally, but the remark did fit my gripe about guilt by association (gender) /projection I see in some of the posts here. All the same, I was being unfair to you, and I am sorry for that.

However, I do find the so-called finding quoted to be more than a bit problematic, and it does get quoted here a lot. I pity the poor statistical training of the person doing that 'research' received. I myself saw that piece I believe on the BBC website (not sure) and thought that the researcher was perhaps not qualified for the topic they had taken on. Unfortunately, the new reporters often trawl for the sensational stuff at the bottom of the barrel - and, surprise, surprise, come up with junk. In my opinion - that's what the 'finding' was.

capt_mahajan · Jul 19th, 2008, 02:21

Quote:

let's see, what could it be called....
how about "Dear Grumpy"...

federica · Jul 19th, 2008, 03:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by kmalik

Sorry Federika -

My apologies! I did not mean at all to attack you personally, but the remark did fit my gripe about guilt by association (gender) /projection I see in some of the posts here. All the same, I was being unfair to you, and I am sorry for that.

It's ok, don't worry

.

By the way, my quote was not from the net, that's why I haven't written a source.

brishti · Jul 19th, 2008, 13:34

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haylo

... but to even contemplate marriage at this stage and after knowing of each other only under these circumstances, rather than in everyday life seems bizarre!

Quote:

Originally Posted by federica

I am wondering whether it is bizarre only in the western view or in an Indian one, too.

... where do i begin

in india - arranged marriages are as normal as love marriages.
in an arranged marriage - you either get to meet the guy a couple of times [maybe more] or see him just once

and you marry him... and yup - its ok - and its natural!
personally - i find arranged marriages terribly romantic - you spend the rest of your life getting to know the guy from scratch! no expectations

besides - if you think about it - there aint no guarantees for a 'happilyeverafter' - whether you know your SO for 40 minutes or 40 months.

but yes - i do agree with sama - are his intentions true to his heart or head? is he doing it for a green card or for love?

:brishti
dear mr grumpy

Haylo · Jul 19th, 2008, 16:26

Quote:

Originally Posted by brishti

in india - arranged marriages are as normal as love marriages.

personally - i find arranged marriages terribly romantic - you spend the rest of your life getting to know the guy from scratch! no expectations

The important difference is that an arranged marriage is organised (as I understand it) within caste and social structures, where there are many similarities in expectations as regards role and lifestyle.

A love marriage where the partners both come from very different backgrounds and hardly know each other is a very different proposition.

brishti · Jul 19th, 2008, 17:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Haylo

The important difference is that an arranged marriage is organised (as I understand it) within caste and social structures, where there are many similarities in expectations as regards role and lifestyle.

A love marriage where the partners both come from very different backgrounds and hardly know each other is a very different proposition.

true haylo very true.

now here's the thing - in an arranged marriage - yes - all them safeguards have been taken care of - analysed et al
BUT - there may/may'nt be the irrationale - the dhuk-dhuk heartbeat - them sleepless nights

[you know what i mean]

when in love - when does the rational ever take precedence?

sure - some of us are pragmatic even then - but how many precautionary measures can one possibly take?
heck - like i said - aint no guarantees - either way.

in this scenario [green card etc] - what is setting my alarm bells a-jangling, is... the man's motive - are his intentions honourable?

:brishti

skk · Jul 19th, 2008, 21:34

It is ironic that in this modern day and age, the idea that the man suggested marriage ( and the OP's wonderment at how THAT works was pretty interesting too ) set alarm-bells ringings and suspicions raised.

I remember a time, well at least I read the novels and watched Deadwood, where the first question, as courting began, asked was - "May I inquire what your intentions are towards me/my daughter/my ward"

And the the answer had better be - "O, entirely honorable I assure you - I intend to marry the lady". Else it was "on your bike{well horse in those days)" and if you were unlucky with some buckshot in your ass or a horse-whipping to speed your journey.

I do understand this green-card biz and for myself I lived with my girlfriend for 6 years before we married, but still, the changing mores are interesting.

And if the original post isn't trolling then, taking it at face value, its possible that the young man is old-fashioned/Indian-fashioned and suggested marriage to assure her that his intentions are honourable.

-skk

Nick-H · Jul 19th, 2008, 21:41

Quote:

I remember a time, well at least I read the novels and watched Deadwood, where the first question, as courting began, asked was - "May I inquire what your intentions are towards me/my daughter/my ward"

And the the answer had better be - "O, entirely honorable I assure you - I intend to marry the lady". Else it was "on your bike{well horse in those days)" and if you were unlucky with some buckshot in your ass or a horse-whipping to speed your journey.

They were hardly likely to reply, "Just some fun over the weekend"!

.

Although there are such characters in Victorian novels.

edwardseco · Jul 19th, 2008, 22:21

Quote:

Oh god, I wish I had never quoted this 80% thing....

Not too far off other research results for the US and England and if you count visits to the red light district..

nico-chan · Jul 19th, 2008, 22:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by brishti

true haylo very true.

when in love - when does the rational ever take precedence?

sure - some of us are pragmatic even then - but how many precautionary measures can one possibly take?
heck - like i said - aint no guarantees - either way.

:brishti

SIGHHHH yes, absolutely! i guess in any relationship you just have to be willing to jump without knowing if you'll land on your feet......

wish love were a bit easier sometimes......

brishti · Jul 20th, 2008, 01:25

nico-chan... this one's for you

[ i'll most probably be clobbered for this

- but what the heck ]

" i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where
i love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so i love you because i know no other way "
- neruda!

:brishti

like the song goes nico - whatever will be will be...

capt_mahajan · Jul 20th, 2008, 01:36

damn, that neruda guy doesn't know much, does he

Ah, romance by confusion.

singsub · Jul 20th, 2008, 01:44

Quote:

Originally Posted by capt_mahajan

Ah, romance by confusion.

but confusion IS romantic (and romance confusing, but thats for another thread)

brishti · Jul 20th, 2008, 01:45

but of course he dont!!!
which is why he makes so much sense dashit

:brishti

Indojingai · Jul 20th, 2008, 01:49

OP: Try this for a test of your 'love':
- I will not sponsor your visa/passport to the US
- I am a seperate accounts type of woman

If the cheesy talk diminishes...

my 2 yen.

ps: watashi no atama no naka ni ... betsuni.

Jul 20th, 2008, 01:45	#44
brishti just another member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: india Posts: 1,979	but of course he dont!!! which is why he makes so much sense dashit :brishti Last edited by brishti : Jul 20th, 2008 at 01:46. Reason: DAM crossposted YET AGAIN :(

Jul 20th, 2008, 01:49	#45
Indojingai One in a billion member. Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: Amsterdam Posts: 987	OP: Try this for a test of your 'love': - I will not sponsor your visa/passport to the US - I am a seperate accounts type of woman If the cheesy talk diminishes... my 2 yen. ps: watashi no atama no naka ni ... betsuni. __________________ I need your clothes, your boots and your motorcycle.

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Jul 19th, 2008, 02:06	#31
kmalik Senior Member Join Date: Dec 2006 Location: Ohio Posts: 455	Sorry Federika - My apologies! I did not mean at all to attack you personally, but the remark did fit my gripe about guilt by association (gender) /projection I see in some of the posts here. All the same, I was being unfair to you, and I am sorry for that. However, I do find the so-called finding quoted to be more than a bit problematic, and it does get quoted here a lot. I pity the poor statistical training of the person doing that 'research' received. I myself saw that piece I believe on the BBC website (not sure) and thought that the researcher was perhaps not qualified for the topic they had taken on. Unfortunately, the new reporters often trawl for the sensational stuff at the bottom of the barrel - and, surprise, surprise, come up with junk. In my opinion - that's what the 'finding' was.

Jul 19th, 2008, 21:34	#37
skk Maha Guru Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Boulder CO, USA Posts: 517	It is ironic that in this modern day and age, the idea that the man suggested marriage ( and the OP's wonderment at how THAT works was pretty interesting too ) set alarm-bells ringings and suspicions raised. I remember a time, well at least I read the novels and watched Deadwood, where the first question, as courting began, asked was - "May I inquire what your intentions are towards me/my daughter/my ward" And the the answer had better be - "O, entirely honorable I assure you - I intend to marry the lady". Else it was "on your bike{well horse in those days)" and if you were unlucky with some buckshot in your ass or a horse-whipping to speed your journey. I do understand this green-card biz and for myself I lived with my girlfriend for 6 years before we married, but still, the changing mores are interesting. And if the original post isn't trolling then, taking it at face value, its possible that the young man is old-fashioned/Indian-fashioned and suggested marriage to assure her that his intentions are honourable. -skk

Jul 20th, 2008, 01:25	#41
brishti just another member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: india Posts: 1,979	nico-chan... this one's for you [ i'll most probably be clobbered for this - but what the heck ] " i love you without knowing how, or when, or from where i love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride; so i love you because i know no other way " - neruda! :brishti like the song goes nico - whatever will be will be...

Jul 20th, 2008, 01:36	#42
capt_mahajan (in charge of navel affairs) Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: India Posts: 10,113	damn, that neruda guy doesn't know much, does he Ah, romance by confusion.

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