Can this inter-cultural relationship make it??

edwardseco

I may have used that same approach (red faced). In my next life I will be kinder to the ladies in my life. Who is to say? You have to make the judgement on the spot. Its awfully shaky to me..

kmalik

The context isn't totally clear - so it is hard to read the situation. A lot of young men (and women) in India - particularly but not necessarily young - do not have a particularly clear idea/experience of dating/courtship. It depends upon their background, socialization, etc. So, it could be a case of that. If so, you may need to navigate this process while your friend learns the rope. That said, it is not clear what you were looking for when you jump from mutual attraction to a question about visiting in the USA. That's a bit of a leap and there are but a few steps missing - very likely in your description above.

Haylo

How well do you really know this guy?

Resisting the urge to be any blunter than this (honestly, this is me being as tactful as I get! ) if you only think you are falling for him, it doesn't work, exactly!

Sama

how does what work?

said "something" about marriage? you and/or he either want to get married or you don't.

saying "something" about marriage is like being a "little bit" pregnant.... sorry, I'm not as tactful as Haylo.

excuse my cynicism, but that would throw up about 100 red flags to me. maybe he wants to get married to stay in the US.

__________________
My India, 2005-2008
BE THE REVOLUTION

fakeindian

Are you in IRAQ courting one of the Kuwaiti hired truck drivers from India ??
Sorry to say this, Love if often blind and he may just be looking for a way out of his current situation or a visa to USA.

bethey

One of the reasons I tried to detail the nightmare it has become to get a visa to the US....it's long, expensive, annoying. The patience needed and hoop jumping required is crazy. You can't just show up at an embassy and say "But, but, but - we love each other!!!".

If he is in Kuwait, that adds to the wait - residing in a country that may harbor terrorists adds to the name checks/security checks some one needs to go thru.

I understand that the US can be seen with those happy rose colored glasses and to some people it would be worth stringing along a significant other to try and gain entry but the shear amount of time and money to do it today - well, you'd have to be in one hell of a bad situation to think it will be a walk in the park to get to the US.

Haylo

Which, presumably, he is.

That is not to say that a relationship is not possible in the long term, but to even contemplate marriage at this stage and after knowing of each other only under these circumstances, rather than in everyday life seems bizarre!

bethey

I'm not doubting that he's at least potentially in a bad place. Having NRI friends who've slogged thru working in the Middle East, I know the conditions can be rough, to say the least.

But for some reason it seems that people in general think that all it takes is a partner to call up an embassy and voila - here's a visa, now my problems are solved.

Even in my case, my SO's family can't understand why he doesn't have the visa yet. We filed 4 months ago and still have at least 3 months of procedures/approvals to go before he can even interview. My favorite comment in this vein, but so and so's cousin got a visa in 10 days [that doesn't happen with family based visas.] It will be a rude awakening if that is this guys MO and he finds out otherwise.

She mentions that she works with him and sees him twice a day [at least that's how I read it]. Work place romances aren't that uncommon. If anything, she gets to interact with him day to day and get a feel for his personality, etc. I wouldn't think of that as strange circumstances.

Plus, there is the possibility that he may have mentioned marriage coming from a cultural perspective of limited/or no dating. Obviously, there are Indians who date - but if he specifically comes from a more traditional stance that you don't date maybe bringing up marriage earlier rather than later isn't too weird to him.

federica

I am wondering whether it is bizarre only in the western view or in an Indian one, too. And I guess that's also shakeandbake's question.

kmalik

I must admit how much negative attitude towards men/Indian men sometimes gets projected a bit prematurely - sometimes with A complete lack of information. [I just saw another thread where some dubious claim about 80% of Indian men being cheaters in their marriage got flung completely out of context.]

Yes, I know - the men do indeed seem to do more than their fair share of wrongs, and there are men (and even some women) that engage in relationships for the wrong reasons. And, having recently seen a really unfortunate and sad story of someone being deceived very badly does attest to the very good reasons to be cautious - in all elective relationships, particularly trans-national ones.

However, all we've seen from OP is a very short, incomplete / confusing narrative. All it amounted to was (a) a clear statement of mutual attraction, (b) an unclear context of what has been discussed - which amounts to a question/invitation by OP to visit her in the US (weird? context?) and mention of marriage (indeed weird). I, for one, have no idea whether it is a truck-driver wanting to get out of Iraq (a positive sign already - has a working brain!) or someone looking for a visa to the US. It could also be a simple case of hormones To my mind, before projecting all the negatives on the situation, one ought to find out a bit more.

Not advocating naivete, merely focusing on the facts - in this case, the lack of facts - of the case rather than projecting personal experiences / biases.

federica

Oh god, I wish I had never quoted this 80% thing....

Sama

personally I think nadreg should have another section for everyone who is married to/in a relationship with/or getting divorced from an Indian man/woman.

because it seems like there are lots of questions about interpersonal relations here for a travel forum...

let's see, what could it be called....
how about "Dear Grumpy"...

(sorry, just couldn't resist....)

singsub

haha... you can run but you cant hide... even on indiamike.

singsub

i think thats a rather suspicious first post. where's the trollometer?

Sama

we need a Troll Meister