Mixed Marriage

JCATRON

I am married to a Bengali woman and we are interested in visiting but I am a little worried about the reaction we would get as a mixed American/Bengali, Christian/Muslim couple. I was wondering if people living in West Bengal think we would have to deal with a negative reaction from locals there.

Alohaguy

You have nothing to worry about!
There are many mixed marriage couples visiting and living in India. India Mike's own Nick H is one of those.

Read other posts in this forum and find out how tos of this great country!

Good luck!

camelgirl

Don't worry about it, no one really cares. If they do, it will only be in a friendly, curious way, which is pretty much how all tourists are approached. You are tourists, right? Not going home for some kind of family reunion with relatives who never met either of you. (If you are, well, family is family & who knows what matters to them

__________________
My selected India photos http://www.indiamike.com/photopost/s...r/7030/cat/500

kausiks

Absolutely correct. I agree with camelgirl. Do not worry about any negative reaction from the people here. In general, people might be curious, but you will always be welcome (may be more than other tourists as you have an Indian wife).

__________________
The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.

costaguana

Your wife will receive quite a bit more attention than she would without you, and this is sometimes a bit difficult for Indians to adjust to in their home culture (try to imagine every second person staring at you as you walk down the street in the States). Also, she may want to leave you at home when she does her shopping, as a tag-along foreigner is the surest way to encounter raised prices.

I agree that you won't encounter any blatant prejudice, but you if you are visiting family you should be aware of how they will perceive you and your wife. Silly family politics and gossip usually, but it will likely strike you as odd coming from a non-Indian background. For example, I am very white and my wife is Tamil, and there are some of her relatives who bemoan the fact she couldn't get a nice Tamil boy from a respectable family and had to "settle" for a foreigner! Stuff like that can be pretty common so I recommend briefly talking it over with your wife to get a little more prepared for what to expect.

Nick-H

I find that most Indians appreciate one's good taste for having married an Indian!

Of course, there will be hard-liners who disaprove; that would be true anywhere in the world.

Perhaps it helps that I live in a cosmopolitan city which, generally, whatever is said behind closed doors, lets people be with a smile.

Due to my love of carnatic music, I am often among Brahmins, some of whom will be very orthodox. They may not have wanted me marry their daughters, and I might not be welcome in their kitchens --- but I have never encountered overt unpleasantness or disapproval.

India is a complex place, and my wife meets with disapproval from some for simply having married for a second time --- they couldn't care at all about the colour of the husband

theyyamdancer

Hello JCATRON and welcome to IndiaMike! You are (as stated on your profile page on this Forum) a Christian and an American; your wife is a Muslim Bengali from Bangladesh. Probably in West Bengal you will have a fantastic time travelling around since at least one of you - maybe both of you? - speak Bengali and know about the history of the country. Whereabouts will you travel in India? I think that people will welcome you with a smile. Certainly you are very welcome here on virtual travels in India.

__________________
"Wandering seemed no more than the happiness of an anxious man." - Albert Camus

namaste_cat

I agree with the other posters as well. I'm a Hindu married to a nominal Catholic, something that has never come up, not even when we had a Hindu wedding for crying out loud! so I think the religion thing when out around town is pretty much a non-issue, at least based on my observations.

As for the white-Indian couple thing, yeah you'll get lots of curious stares but a white person or NRI of certain type gets that anyway so I didn't find it any worse when I was w/ my husband or when I'm w/ my kids. And West Bengal is no better or worse than the other states in this regard.

Enjoy your visit!

livinhimalayas

Third that, being the Indian wife of a very white Britisher, I have had my share of stares and inquisitive questions but that is all. Most people are tolerant of mixed marriages.

__________________
He that would live in peace and at ease must not speak all he knows or all he sees. - Benjamin Franklin

edwardseco

Within my relations the latter was a very muted and uncommon reaction and even there some involved went out of their way to meet us (curiousity?). Many have complimented me as Nick describes. I always go for quality as I like to respond. Its a bit less happy for an Indian male to come back with a foren gal. However, some time in the past in my extended relations that did happen. I don't anticipate any reaction at all..

zsonia2993

My boyfriend (european-american) and I (indian) will be traveling around India this december. We are mentally ready to get stared at, asked extra questions by strangers and stuff like that. But I think it will be fun. We will have to be extremely unlucky to see any real hostility, going to Texas is kinda like that too !!
I will write about our experiences after we get back.

ByTheWay, my boyfriend is also a Nick H !!!

jyotirmoy

All though more Indian men marry foren ladies than Indian women marrying foren men, this is not a big issue in the metros.
Does your wife hail from Kolkata? If not then at least you won't have her realitives breathing down your neck.
We Indians do ask questions which are not asked in the western countries so don't think that these are asked because you a westerner has married an Indian, they would have asked me too.

Nick-H

Another Nick H! And another one with good ideas, too

camelgirl

If you haven't done this before (traveled to India together), I would advise NOT saying you are boyfriend/girlfriend. THAT is very frowned upon & could lead to men treating you badly--harassed in unpleasant ways.

Obviously, educated "city" people would be more tolerant, but that is not the majority of people you will encounter when you check into hotels, etc.

I speak from experience. Before we were married, my husband & I traveled in India several times. The first time I always referred to him as my boyfriend. The attention I received from young men (there are many young men around!) was appalling. They clearly viewed me as some kind of easy, available person & took all kinds of liberties thinking it was alright to put their arms around my shoulders, unwanted touching.

So, starting with our second trip (I decided India's customs & mores trumped my independance ) We always said we were married. They do not require any proof of this in hotels and we always had different names on our passports (& still do!).

Just to recap--I was blissfully unaware of the subtext of a young unmarried couple traveling together and at first didn't realize that the overly friendly behavior of men was alot more than "friendly." Once I noticed I realized lying would make my trip much better & it did (even though I personally think I should not have had to lie--it was better than getting angry & being made to feel cheap -- some people would say "that's their problem" but in fact it was MY problem)

Nick-H

She's right!

Just be "a couple". Let people assume you're married.