Americans moving to Darjeeling (maybe)

pundabee

Glad you are still with us. And yes, behaving like a colonialist in India isn't going to do a foreigner any favours.

Of course, India is a big country, and it may be wrong to talk about a national psyche with so many peoples (my main experience is with Tamils and Malayalee, and believe me, these two peoples are very different), but aggressive behaviour without due cause is not accepted. Even a raised voice can do you a disfavour.

In Kerala, being negative or criticising a third person is even frowned upon.

dzibead

Yes, it's hardly effective behavior. People won't respect you; they'll resent you. Plus, it's bad for you own psyche to act like a total jackass! So don't follow your friend's advice.

brishti

i'd think the aggressive-walking-tall routine would get you into trouble in any country -

its bad behaviour. period.

ashakasha: as with any strange place - go with your instincts...
dont benchmark someone else's interaction with the locals of the place, as that experience may'nt be the same as yours.
you're well travelled - so i guess you know that by now.
BTW - i think you got spunk - go for it



:brishti

Nick-H

OK... at the risk of dropping myself in it!

It is very difficult to learn how to handle staff in India. The closest most of us ever came to domestic staff in our home countries is vaguely remembering that our grandparents might have had a cook, and that our parents maybe had a weekly visit from 'the woman who does'. It is much harder than handling staff in an office.

I don't pretend to know the ins and outs. It is one of the many things that Mrs N does without a second thought. The particular balance of employer's aloofness along with chatty friendliness is very hard to achieve, as is learning to accept (unless you are very lucky) that most things will not be done like you would do them yourself.

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federica

I haven't tried, just observed

Seriously, as Nick mentioned, it is not easy dealing with staff.

My opinion is: the "natural authority" attitude works the best, all over the world...

My experience is mostly from South India, and I realized that North Indians behave much different, but still.... staying calm but strong works better then getting upset and shouting around...

machadinha

Of course, very true.

I hope it should be clear by now that no one suggested Ashakasha will not like India as a visitor; just that moving there on the fly will throw up some natural complications.

It's just a shame that driving that simple point home should have taken 66 posts so far. I imagine we could have all been far more constructive by now with the right questions asked.

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ashakasha

HI folks-

Machadinha- yes, of course I found Caracas and other big cities to be much more than just crowded, dirty, and dangerous. I find them incredibly exciting, humbling, and I find it amazing when you go from that awed, disoriented feeling to getting into the rythm- there are other things I love, too- some hard to put into words...but perhaps I don't need to, as you folks have had the experience and feelings, too.

I have also found a lot of useful information here on this thread- despite any tension, misperceptions, bickerings, etc.

I am SO glad to hear from you guys that the attitude and behavior my friend described is not the norm for outsiders there- while I can be a little fiery, it is definitely the farthest thing from my husband's nature to be aggressive and demanding. We were a little disheartened to think that people would go there and treat indians as though they were there to serve them- Our friend actually implied that we would be unsafe, not respected, and never get anything done if we didn't behave as he described. We will not do this. I've known and lived among many people of India- and never encountered rudeness (directness, perhaps, but not rudeness), laziness, or aggression. Rather my experience was always good conversation, a bit of jolliness, calmness (despite whatever may be going on), etc.

It is still unclear to me whether or not it is expected that we employ a "staff" to assist us...? I have never had a maid, cook, driver, etc. I imagine (perhaps naively) that we won't need this kind of assistance. We usually (when overseas) have a local contact that helps us make arrangements of various sorts- and we always pay them and then include a great tip at the end. Is this common there?

On the other hand, if it would be rude for us not to provide work for someone while there...to help us with household stuff and such (assuming we manage to have some sort of home), then I suppose we could reconsider.

Ultimately, we would like to have as peaceful and mutually respecting a relationship as possible with the locals we encounter and perhaps share space with. Any suggestions in this way would be great.

BTW- I think I have been clear with my questions...

ashakasha

P.S. Sorry if I am asking questions here that have already been asked and answered. I do search around on here, but it is a tremendous site with a tremendous amount of info...sometimes difficult to find info regarding your specific situation.

I do want you folks to know that I do very much appreciate each of your contributions with each of your points of view. It has been particularly helpful to realize that finding work once there will be difficult, if possible at all- so we have made it a priority to secure something beforehand. Your good thoughts toward this end much appreciated!

We now have a much more specific plan and PLAN B!!!

We do not want to take Asha (dog) at first. That way, if it doesn't work out, we can just return home, less that complication (and without needlessly subjecting her to the stress)- Has anyone had an animal flown to them, once there?

Again- much thanks

Now off to have my evening ice cold beer (the first of at least a few)... I'm hoping the beer in india sucks- maybe then I can lose my beer belly Hope they really don't have India Pale Ales...

dzibead

Yeah, we noticed.

Hah! No such luck. India has good beer. But at least in hilly Darjeeling, you'll be able to walk off the beer belly!

ashakasha

Really? They have good beer? One thing I have found consistent in my travels is yucky beer of the pilsner variety...you know, fuzzy and bland (no offense to folks who prefer that kind of beer..hehehehe). Here we drink porters and IPA's- what is the beer like there?

This information is most important!

larsomat

No, they don't have good beer. But then again, I'm from Germany and my standards are pretty high.

Edit: In some places you'll find Beck's or some other german beer. But it's rare.

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federica

Of course we have better beer
but Indian beer is not that bad.
And the bottles are big... 0,7 litre... too big for me

ashakasha

Snicker snicker...nothing better than bad beer...and a lot of it!!! Woaaaaahahahahaha

ashakasha

Wait a minute...so they really don't have INDIA PALE ALE (my favorite is the SHIVA IPA)? It is so popular here. I totally was convinced we were drinking indian beer.... my goodness...how silly of me

puchoo

Now thats quite an oxymoron...!

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