In-Country/Inter-Country Adoption of Indian Children

shanthi

Although I'm by no means an absolute authority on the subject, I've been involved with In-Country/Inter-country adoptions/Guardianship of Indian children for four and a half years. As there is such a broad variety of people visiting this wonderful website, I figure perhaps every now and then there may be people perhaps visiting who have adoption/guardianship of orphaned Indian children in mind.

I'll be happy to help where I can with the expertise that I have available. Perhaps I can help some avoid the pitfalls and mistakes that take up so much time in these applications. I'll be very honoured to assist where I can.

mary10

I know a couple who wanted to adopt children. Any children. The problem with some adoption laws in some countries (and there probably are good reasons for them) are that new parents cannot chose the country, gender, medical condition or age of the child.

steven_ber

I met a western woman in Calcutta who was on her way to pick up a child she was adopting, I was disapointed that she didn't know the religion of the child or how to teach the child about a religion, it seemed like my questions were the first time she'd even thought about the religious angle.

Was it unfair of me to think this woman was being a bit selfish?

I got the feeling I was supposed to be impressed that she was adopting an Indian child, but it may have just been her attitude that give me this impression.

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ranjan154

A child is a child in India or whereever.. feeling really dissappointed if people take pride in adopting a Indian child..

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mary10

Its easy to always find something to critizise people for, but do the same people steps forth to adopt these kids and offer them a home, food and shelter?

machadinha

Perhaps not or perhaps yes, but either way one is allowed to ask questions.

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steven_ber

Perhaps my post seemed harsher than I meant it to be, after all, almost everything any of us do in life is for selfish reasons, even if it's other people who benefit from our efforts.

I do however, think it's essential to raise a child as a Muslim, Hindu or whatever religion they were born into, and to make sure the child knows as much as possible about their background and culture, and has the opportunity to find out for themselves, and then decide their future for themselves when they become teenagers or adults.

I'm aware that a home, food and shelter are essential, (as they are for a pet), but they're only the 'minimum requirement' when it comes to raising a child.

Nick-H

It depends on the age of the child.

For a baby, what does it matter what religion it was born into?

It is about as significant as the profession of its parents.

For an older child, coming from a country where religion is so utterly ingrained into the culture, then it may be rather more important.

Perhaps the religious aspect here takes attention away from the cultural aspect, of which it is just a part. That matters.

Anyway, anyone can decide to become Christian or Muslim at whatever stage of life they wish. It is a little harder for the 'hereditary' religions such as Hindus and Jews, perhaps, but not impossible, especially if one has the 'right'-coloured skin.

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mary10

I think we are open enough in western cultures to care and take these things in consideration. Perhaps when the child is older and become curious of his/her background it will start to make efforts to learn about Indian culture, if the adoptive parents have not already introduced it to it?

I hardly think couples adopt children only to provide it with basics "like a pet"! Are you aware of the amount of preparations couples go through to be able to adopt a child?? Two friends of mine in Europe wanted to adopt a small boy from India that they came to know and get attached to during their travels. It was a really difficult task. They already lived in a house, but the social services department in their country that would deal with inspections for potential adoptive parents, demanded that they even moved to a bigger house if they would be permitted to adopt! They actually had a certain number of square footage they had calculated that the child would be entitled to make use of including a large room of its own. These inspections and constant interviews, plus lawyers hired both in India and abroad, frequent travels to India to clear papers and so on, went on for two years with a lot of costs... In the end, it showed up the child did actually have parents and the couple who had first claimed to have "found it" had lied and were in actuality its real parents but had expected a lot of money for the boy. So all that time and effort went to waste and adoption procedures were put to a stop.

Didn't Madonna also have some problems after adopting the little African boy, and suddenly the father changing his story all the time of what he expected from the adoption?

It's not so easy to adopt. At least the children will have parents.

I know a couple that adopted a small baby from China. I am actually not aware that they are teaching him anything about China, and that they themselves know much about China. But they love him very much and he is constantly their focal point of attention. But they are very open and respectful that should he, when he grows older want to learn about China, they would even consider sending him to school for 1-2 years in his own native land.

steven_ber

Mary, I completely agree with you, it would be damn hard work to adopt a child, and much harder to raise the child, I myself have grown up children and a 1 year-old daughter, for all the right reasons they completely rule every aspect of your life.

Maybe the tone of my 2 posts above was determined by the memory of the woman I met in Calcutta, whom to me, had the wrong attitude and didn't seem to realise the enormity of what she was about to do.

Nick, I disagree about religion.

I was raised without any religion, I therefore don't believe in any religion or in the concept of any religion, I even struggle to understand how others have such strong religious beliefs.

But India has forced me to think about religion and what it means to other people, there are numerous occasions in India when I've been jealous of other people for having religion in their lives, it seems to give them hope, faith, direction and a sense of belonging.

But no matter how much I think about it, I can't believe in any of the stories that seem to surround most religions, and because of that, I can't believe in any religion.

So an Indian child, born (for example) a Hindu (or to Hindu parents), but then raised in a western country by western parents without a religion (or worse, another religion), would never be able to 're-gain' the Hindu beliefs and would be losing an essential part of their Indian origin.

Nick-H

But (cough, splutter...) in that situation, religion would be the least of what they lost! They would have lost all of their Indian origin.

I've met people (bought up in adopted white British families) in both camps: those to whom their non-white skin is no more important than the colour of their hair, and those to whom it is the source of confusion and identity crisis.

Thing is though, that Hinduism, in particular, is such a way of life that a non-hindu family could hardly bring up an 'ex'-hindu child with their religion.

Adoption has different effects on different people. It gives some us (yes, including me) the 'knowledge' that genetic background is a hugely overrated thing. But I imagine my life might be different if I had been a different colour to my adopting parents.

mary10

I agree with your observation that religion (I prefer the word spirituality; religion has an oppressive connotation) give a lot of emotional solace to people. In my view this is basically the MAIN feature missing in modern society that make people feel lost and alone. But I do not understand why you feel that a person must be born into religion to parttake of this? I was not 'born' into being trained to be religious. But I was introduced to ancient Indian spirituality and sufism by coincidence and quickly adopted this without any past experience and I have deep affinity for it. And indeed, just like you mentioned, it has given me deep solace and strength that life don't always provide.

So many people who adopt kids in India, are in some form or the other interested in Indian spirituality so there may be a chance that this woman you met, had some attention to it even if you may not known it at the time.

Frankly, there are so many biases and judgements amongst the Hindus like with any religion (take ex Christianity) that I don't feel it has to benefit a child to be fed with this from early years and form a preconceived mind. It is sufficient if children are kept open to believe in God and not be denied of this, or be diverted to believe in a higher power. Religion can be a two-edged sword depending on how we are taught.

I am no Hindu and I am perfectly happy and proud of my own culture, that has done so much for humanity, and where we have the most peaceful and accepting nations in the world. But if I had children, I would definetly introduce it to "moral" stories from the sufis, buddhism, hinduism and christianity from a young age. I would keep the dogma away and only keep to the stories that have some form of ethical or moral message. I also think that reading these stories make us realize that all religions stand on the same foundation and carry the same message. I remember as a child, that sweet moral stories made a deep impression on me. Even innocent Disney movies with messages about kindness and love had an impact on me as a child. I find today's culture with constant violent movies, cruelty and murders fed into peoples mind on a daily basis extremely self-destructive. Let us see what the world will be like 50 years from now with all this taking place... This is happening everywhere, in all nations, in all media. In the west I don't consider that as our culture; that's the method of greedy business people who prefer to earn their monies with destructive messages and means.

tambili

Interesting that such a long dormant thread can be revived, perhaps if people were able to buy land in Goa under the name of their adopted children it would have been thriving forever.

But I must agree with Nick regarding religion, and wonder if situations were reversed. I remember an Indian telling me how confused they felt while going to a 'catholic' school in Darjeeling , then returning to Calcutta where the family had statues of bundles of hindu gods on the roof.

In the end should the children be fortunate enough to receive love, food and education - they may be in a position to make their own decisions.

boefje12

With the recent adoption scandal, one should investigate the complete background and ask for official papers. It has been on the news recently - especially here in NL - that children have been given up for adoption without the parents' permission as such the children (who have been living in NL for more than 6 years) are unsure about their stay. We had adopted our daughter 3.5 yrs ago from India, which was no easy task. We had to wait for 2.5 yrs. If someone should approach us and say that the adoption was without the birth parents' permission and that our daughter should go back, we would be devastated.

machadinha

Hm yes Boefje. You must have seen that thing last night on Dutch TV about e.g. supposed twins finding out they weren't twins at all? Then combined with the logistical problems of unraveling your backgrounds, pretty heart-breaking all of it.

btw (And unrelated) Great you went through that process though. Good for you.