Our four days so far.from Varanasi.

Hi from Varanasi,
I`m not sure where to start really, i only have 15 mins as i am meeting someone.Our trip to the Taj was not much fun really, the never ending stream of touts is unbelievable, they just wont/cant leave you alone, they ground us down with their persistance and following us about. my wife has had nothing but hassles and she has been groped four times already, and thats whilst ive been with her, how i have not ended up in the jail by now shows her easy going nature, but she is not happy. I am hoping it was because of the Holi, and that perhaps it may now stop, but the damage has been done, as im sure all women will understand.My wife now thinks all hindus are perverts, and ALL and i mean ALL they seen interested in is money money money. they just cannot seem able to leave you alone. We are now NOT the friendly people saying hello to everbody , even the kids, because as soon as you do, you are swamped, and we need to get away to somewhere at least a bit more private, before we both lose it. I know that we have hit India head -on here, also the Holi festival yesterday when we arrived was absolute mayhem, it was total lawlessness in the streets and any woman would not have felt safe.
So far i am very disapointed in India, but am , of course more than hopeful things will get better, we have met a couple of genuine people who have chatted nicely, without wanting anything in return, and how i personally enjoyed those two men (Hindus).
Anyway i have to rush, for now, will return later.
Best Wishes,
Martin.

Holi is not a good time to land in India, unfortunately, so with the combination of Holi, Agra and Varanasi, you have experienced India on full blast. Definitely try to get somewhere quieter for a little while so you can start to enjoy it. Don't write off all Indians and/or India just yet! If you want to post where you're expecting to travel next IMers can probably give you some good suggestions on how to take it a little easier for a while.

Good luck.

Culture Shock with a BHANG! You've definitely jumped straight in at the deep-end Martin. But i'm sure you'll start loving it in a few days, once your wife gets use to the groping!! Keep in touch. KK

I too hated the fact that I was constantly opening my wallet. I also got really fed up with kids touching me all the time and being so tense about it (and I am 6ft4! and male!).
I really disliked Varanasi and Pushkar when I was there but since I came back home I realsied that its all I talk about, they are the pictures that most sum up India and they are the stories people want to hear. We spent 3 weeks in Rajasthan and UP and then 2 weeks in Varkala and Cochin in Kerala. The difference North and South India is incredible. The South is not so dirty and the people are a lot more gentle and not in your face at all.
Jaipur and Jodhpur are really great to visit. I found by hardening myself to the trials of just existing amongst so many people, there was a sense of a real journey.
Try to go with the flow and India will reward you. Any time I had a big rant about any situation, I found that everything went wrong around it.
We used to say that if you fight India it will bite you back.

didn`t like the place at all-due to dirt of course & that was because i was thinking all the people bathing in the polluted Ganges & afterwards preparing my meals ,therefore felt discussed and only ate fried potatoes Now, i really miss Varanasi and apart the other bad experience i had with my luggage i really miss the place VERY MUCH!!!In fact that was my 7th trip to India -well , anyway definitely you`ll miss India after returning home just visit a quieter place at the moment

Martinthe veg
Sorry to hear your first impressions are negative. One of the tricks I've always used when in India and things get a bit stressful and hassley (is there such a word???) is to find the nearest hill station or nature reserve. I find the greenery, the space, the clean air etc a good place to recuperate, put things in perspective and chill out. Then head back into the fray!
I don't know what your plans are and where you are heading and how long you have in India, but maybe a trip to a nature reserve might be a good idea.

Hope it gets better!!

Thanks for the replies everybody,
Yes, i have admitted to going in head first, and we accept that.
I agree with the suggestions to find somewhere quieter, and we are just checking out of Alka now, two days early, (noon(, I am going to make for Sonarth area, as we have a flight from Varanasi in two days, I think we will look for a family to stay with, we are ready for a chill.
Thanks again all, i will post again very soon,
Martin.

We found Varanasi a bit disappointing however the visit there was made more enjoyable by going out to Sarnath and Ramnager. In Agra the cycle rickshaw guys were the biggest pest.

When we visited the Taj we had one of the official guides to show us round and he was great. There was no trouble with touts. Of course he told us that he would not accept any payment under any circumstance: but he managed to palm the tip I slipped him lol!

We are keen photographers and he showed us the best places to photograph from and actually moved people aside so that we could get some great shots. His commentry on the Taj was very good too.

As said we found the south so much more relaxing than the north; however on our way south we stayed for a few days at Bhopal and Warangal. As these are not "tourist" places we were not pestered by touts at all and found the people very friendly.

Jenny

well, for me, i cannot seem to leave varansi. it seems to have a hold on me. i love this ancient city, despite the things that drive me crazy about it.

for example, those poor, extremely mangey stray dogs; the worst i've seen anywhere in india. my heart breaks when i see some of them, esp. when they are kicked away so brutally. as someone with an ahimsic heart, i think many of them would be in such a more peaceful place if they were put to sleep. they are suffering terribly, esp. the mothers that are always hunting for food. and, what nonsense that a sterilization program for dogs is not allowed in the holy city , yet let them suffer, with both extreme health maladies and at the hands of cruel humans! well, there are many threads on this issue, so i'll leave it here. except to ask, why is sterlization not allowed here? why!!

i was set to leave but now i am helping a "dalit" man who was badly burned a few days ago, who has no family, no $$, nothing but his cycle rickshaw, which now sits empty while he fights to deal with a burned and disfigured face. there is so much work to do here (as with all of india). thank god for father frances, the dutch priest who has lived in the slums caring for the people of nagwa for the last 27 years. he is a saint in every sense of the word, but so overwhelmed with his clinic.

the ghats are such an amazing place to be; it will be hard to leave them. i love the ganga, but loathe how polluted she is, and the way that she is used as a trash bin! everywhere is plastic and garbage, in the mother! i would love to get the sadhus to call for a major cleanup campaign, if they could be torn away from the chillum long enough to call for one...

Martin... 1066's suggestion, and your planning to do so, is the best advice.

Find a quiet place with more ordinary people, not touristy places full of touts. But not so quiet that it is dangerous :-)

Hell, I was born here, and I almost never go to the touristy places because overall they are often a disappointment.

i too, and other women that i know of, have fallen prey to the groping hands of perverted men here. it's a whole story that i won't go into, but it was a scary moment for me since i was alone and it was more than being groped. but we found the guy, so i do not think that he'll be showing is face in assi ghat for awhile. it seems like a very big issue here, this assaulting of women, so be careful.

but please, do not lose faith in the men here. and do not paint a broad brush and color them all as perverts. after i was assaulted, four indian men went looking for the guy who did it. and after, with the help of a photo i had (the fool had me take his photo before assaulting me!) they found him! i understand your wives feeling since the day after it happened to me, all indian men (all men for that matter) looked the same to me, though i think that is a normal reaction. and do not lose sight of the fact that men the world over have inflicted such violence on women.

Maybe this is not the thread for this, but, like I told someone recently, I am surprised when women travellers are given advise that use your common sense and you will be fine.

You probably will. But the fact is that common sense as applied to India is unknown to a foreigner, and therefore s/he may not gauge quickly enough the situation s/he is in.

How distressing. It's a very visceral response of deep insecurity when someone violates your space like that. Four times in a short period of time would have me seeing red and ready to slap the next guy to try something with my sandal - a very, very bad idea and you're lucky to have a level-headed wife (not to mention your own level head)!

As others (1066 and capt.) already have, may I suggest you abort any further stops in North India and head directly either for the hills or the beach? If Sarnath doesn't give you enough of a chill, a hill station and a hotel a little above your usual budget, along with a slow pace for a bit, may provide extra R&R (especially if you've got a few warm things packed).

And you lose no points if you decide India's not your cup of tea and book a flight out to Chiang Mai!

has been for me a microcosm of India in general . . . intense . . . condensed . . . not much gray-area with Varanasi . . . seems people either love it, or go someplace else. I am (as lotusblossom seems to be) a lover; when I go to India, Varanasi is where I go. It may help too that when I go I go for six months. In that time all the touts/rickshaw wallahs/and/silk-shop-owners know I'm not buying or even looking.

When in India on my first trip I found a ten day stay in Kodaikanal refreshing and revitalizing, the six week trek in Nepal helped too.

martin, I hope that you and your wife can find a place to catch your breath . . . in many ways, India does take it away.

I hate it when this happens
mostly it happens in well-known tout places- agra, Varanasi, Delhi are notorious.
feel free to REALLY GO ON THE OFFENSIVE!
you wife can kick, slap and punch anyone touching her

it is perfectly acceptable to look a tout DIRECTLY in the eye and SCREAM NO!!!! aggressive movement towards them will also likely be met with a scuttling away. I sometimes shove them square on the shoulders- I love the astonished look on their faces. Fortunately, now that I'm older, uglier, and have been visiting for most of my life, I don't get it often. When I was young, it was worse.
all the other badmashes will be watching in the area, and that will be that.

Hill stations, the South (outside of Goa) are in general mellower. And the game parks have saved my sanity on many an occasion!