How do you convince your spouse to let you go for trek

jyotipg

Hi,

This is slightly different from the normal trekking querries on this forum. But this a very practical situation which many senior memebers in this forum would be facing.

We are heading for Kalindi pass and one of the Member has now dropped out.

Reason: He got engaged few weeks back and his Fiancee wont let him go for a trek like Kalindi. Our friend is desperate to come and we really feel bad at not being able to him this time after several treks together since last few years.

How have you guys handled such situations in your trekking career?

It would be good to see you sharing your experience on it.

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1995 - 2000: Beas Kund, Triundh, Chudhar peak,Dodital.
2001-till date: Tapovan, Khatling,Mayali Pass(Unsuccessful), Rudranath, Chandrashila peak, Pin Parvati Pass, Kalindi Pass, Mt. Yunum(Aborted), Roopkund, Junargali pass, Ronti Saddle.

ddevadatta

Not sure if you can?

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capt_mahajan

Haven't had a trekking career as such, but in my younger days have spent quite a lot of time trekking in the mountains.

It is a problem, unless both husband and wife trek. I face(d) it too. And my wife does not even enjoy the non-trekking mountains as much as I do, she feels cold even in summer! So the problem still persists. I get away whenever I can, alone in winter like end of last year.

Your post implies the fiancee is worried about safety. (trek like Kalindi, you said). Well, if you and your friends know what you are doing (and judging from all the trekking posts I read avidly, you seem to), the only way around this is to explain that to the fiancee.. that trekking always looks more hazardous to people who don't know what its all about, but is actually far safer if one knows what one is doing. Zero risk? Well, crossing the road doesn't have that.

I have had similar reactions to my choice of profession too; explaning that one is trained to do what one is doing usually works. My wife never trekked with me, but has sailed with me, and was more comfortable overall once she saw that we actually seemed to know what we were doing
The emergency drills used to scare her, though, for awhile.

If, on the other hand, the fiancee is cribbing about his being away, she should realise that keeping a mountain lover away from the mountains is killing him a little bit, and I am sure she does not want to do that.

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Sadanand Kamath

I had no problem with my wife on my annual trekking programmes during 1984 -1999. My Mom did have some reservations after my two himalayan treks in '85 and '86. In my subsequent treks, I used to tell her that I am going on a pilgrimage to himalayan shrines. I am not sure whether she believed this but there were no objections from her side. But to be true, I always began or ended my himalyan treks with a visit to the nearest of the Char Dhams or other himalayan shines. In between, I took my family including my Mom to Char Dhams in 1992 and 1997. With this, there were no more objections from my Mom side for my himalayan treks .

Moral of the story : take your spouse to himalayas at least once .

Sadanand

mridula

I think my husband will divorce me if I stop trekking with him! But seriously, I have seen people dropping visits on the grounds that they will have to travel part of the way in a shared jeep.

I think it is an issue of what one is used to. If one is used to taking only package type of vacation it will take some convincing that trekking is safe. We tell our parents that we take more risk everyday negotiating NCR traffic rather than trekking.

Jyoti, I hope you all will manage to trek finally together.

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ranjan154

Firstly, Sadanand .. I love your trekking photographs and i am great fan of yours..

As Captain said.. she might be worried about the safety issues.. very often people think trekking is related to rock climbing or any such event. We would need to show people some lovely photographs of trekking and make them understand the difference. May be that can help.

Also i feel its a personal feeling or liking for mountains and trekking .. camping etc.. On one hand people like me feel relaxed after doing all this.. on the other people might think why are we taking so much pain to walk around 60-80 Kms..Luckily for me my wife has always been sport and with me ..

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vishal datta

You can tell your fiancee there is a famous temple over there where all your wishes come true. You are going there to ask for a happy married life. Even if there is risk you are willing to take it for her.

Cheers

Vish

amarshah

well it seems a lot of guys are in the same boat.. i got married 2 years ago since then a vacation is either a beach side or intl trip... how i hate not roughing it out etc... i tired talking about going for a trek /hike or even a day hike but SOB it goes to deaf ears...

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Amar

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EOS

Hi! jyotipg

Why don't you ask your friend to take his fiancee along to the trek. She will get firsthand experience about trekking and may probably realize that its actually quite safe. Plus the added advantage of spending quality time with ones fiancee..
And who knows she might fall in love with the mountains ....

It worked for me...but the issue was not trekking

Nick-H

Emergency drills scare me too. You never know when they will suddenly appear from the other side of a wall! And all the brick dust!

Seriously... Trekking always sounds too much hard work to me; I hate carrying packs etc and having to keep up with people who are moving faster than my customary stroll.

But if you described it as a stroll in the country, with lots of time just to admire the views. If you tried to sell me trekking like this (warning; contains some bad language and descriptions of trekking that might offend serious trekkers) I'd be along like a shot!

So, if the option to get her to come too is really not there, then go for the spin... it's not mountaineering, for goodness sake, it's not even trekking --- its a country stroll

capt_mahajan

Plenty of these too, in the Himalayas.. and the views (and the slight incline of the stroll) will take your breath away.

karnail

Very easy, Just tell every one that you are going on some very important work to Jhumri Talaiya. Every thing is legal and permissible in love and war. Once I got caught when I told her that I am in Rishikesh when I was supposed to be in Gwalior.
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Sadanand Kamath

1. Thanks.

2. Yes, many don't diferentiate between trekking and mountaineering. That's the reason I took my family to Chardhams to see for themselves - especially in Kedarnath and Yamunotri.

Sadanand

Barryjames

Dateline: Sunday, August 27, 1989, location; Fort William, Scotland.
Situation: I had taken the wife to be to Scotland to show her where all life on the planet started

Covertly, I had planned this trip, having walked over half of the world in my army days I had never climbed Ben Nevis, (18 million years ago it was taller than K2) it is only a hill now.

Under the pretense of taking her for a short walk along the foothills, I gradually managed to coax her higher and higher.

Now when we have friends in, she loves to show them the pictures of her standing on the tor at the summit. "I am the highest person in Great Britain!" quoth she of the bleeding feet, flyaway hair and knackered limbs.

Has this filled her with the ‘get up and go' to tackle more adventurous trips? No, I fear that her ‘get up and go' ‘got up and went' after that. (Flip flops and tight jeans are not the best attire for even this mountain)

Now this is the important bit, If I wish to go and triumph over lands afar, not only does she wish me well, she encourages me, buys me items (that I pretend will come in handy) Even says her rosary for me.

When I return she shows her pleasure in the best way possible, a bottle of Talisker which I am allowed to open my second day back. It's worth going just for the return event.

~ Time is a great teacher, unfortunately, it kills all of its pupils~.....Anon.....

dhans

Mars, Venus, East and West and nver the tain shall meet????

To find out whether trekking ia something for somebody, don't start at the deep end. Just try to start with some day outings (e.g a day through Kathmandu valley, a walk up chamundi hill, anything less than 20 Km). If she enjoys it, try for something more, eg a luxury three day trek with porter(s) and stay in guesthouses. You cn progress from there, or accept that partners may have and are allowed to have different hobbies....

Hans

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