'One kiss?'

Darmabum

Was walking with a Western woman in India last year. She was dressed very properly. I was behind her and a man coming from the other direction intentionally rubbed up against her (not a tight alley, mind you, big wide space, no need to get that close). Seeing what he did I got in his face right away. Made sure he understood that wasn't cool. Our exchange ended and he commiserated with a nearby man, who in my best understanding of body language/non verbal signs, agreed with my assessment of the situation. This other man WAS a policeman . . .

Talking with an Indian woman on this same trip about what she'd do if that happened to her. The procedure goes something like this:
1. Remove shoe
2. Introduce sole of shoe to face of man.

I worked in grizzly bear country in Alaska some years ago. When we went out into the field we carried a 375 H and H magnum and a can of pepper. Not at all suggesting a gun is in order . . . but that pepper spray . . . hmmm?

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indiadreamer

I have seen this trend sine the late 1990's and it has been a source of real concern for me too. I voiced this concern to a young woman and man in their early 20's and they couldn't see it. So many steps backwards it's frightening.

But as for India and women who stay silent, is there other pressure not to report? From family? From friends? I think it is interesting to say that most of the complaints are from foreigners. What does it mean when there is a problem of harassment and only those who are from out of town seem to have a voice?

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drmr

barodian

I kind of feel little offended here. I am educated person but some of my family back in India are less educated and surely they do not hold this views. I know from my personal experience, it is a tabboo for my family and neighbors in India.

Sama

exactly. Indian women live with the same thing on a daily basis, so it's good to see Indian women whose voices are their blogs, like the Blank Noise Project and others.

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Nick-H

roopesh_kohad, unfortunately, that new-found freedom in the office of today is the sexual harassment of tomorrow. Fine between consenting equals, but what happens when a woman has to turn down the advances of her boss? Or when a woman in a group of men decides she's had enough?

I know of a certain airline crew-training program which consisted of managers getting their pick of the girls; if the girls wouldn't play they were out. The message was, plenty more where you came from...

I'd be very concerned about sending a woman to a police station; several Indian women have found this to be jumping out of the frying pan into the fire. And too often the situation can be resolved by a sum of money... the only person who wins is the richer policeman.

This is a worldwide problem, of course. But in India it combines with a certain immaturity. It's not so much a 30-year-old guy you're dealing with; it's a thirty-year-old schoolboy.

And no, I'm not tarring all Indian men with the same brush; just the all-too-many who behave like this. Barodian --- of course there are millions of real gentlemen in India.

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goangoangone

Smack 'em in the gob! And if they want some, just give me a call. It will be my pleasure to come and see them.

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GoanGoan......here

Merchant

This is how Bollywood works, too.

Sama

there are many women for whom this is not an option, believe it or not. in this day and age many girls are still raised to "play nice" and not hurt anyone.

this reaction may come very easily to a man, but to some women the thought of hitting someone is anathema, even if they are being attacked. I volunteer in a domestic violence shelter so I see this first-hand.

Nick-H

Exactly... the casting couch.

The woman who's experience I heard of had to pay a substantial 'deposit' to get on this course, which, of course, she lost when she became so disgusted she left.

Nice earner for a disreputable company eh?

machadinha

Besides and in a travel-to-India context, while I see the advice more often here and it may sound "cool" (and I did have to smile at Goangone's remark, that's not the issue) -- and I can imagine something of a slap at least when there are enough people (and people on your side) around might work for a woman if she's seriously offended -- my general advice to travelers of both sexes would be to just not get physical (as in physically aggressive) no matter what the circumstances and if you can remotely avoid it. You're out of your turf, and it can instantly turn a situation that was containable till then upside down in that very split second. (And I know not everyone agrees, so it's just my take, and it could arguably be a different thing living and working there. But for travelers again, it goes for most places where you're a stranger of course, but I'm not the only one to note that physical or even verbal aggression is just severely frowned upon in India and will generally not raise any sympathy, although as a woman again and given the right circumstances I assume there could be some leeway in this.)

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Sama

and of course in America she would have had the opportunity to sue, file a complaint with EEOC (Equal Employment Opportunity Commission, a federal agency), maybe have them institute a class-action lawsuit against the company naming her and all the women as plaintiffs, and having a newspaper article written about them exposing this practice.

but that's here.....

Nick-H

And that's a pretty good instance of the difference in cultures.

India'll catch up. One day.

federica

Although I didn't have such bad experiences as Gertie had, some very odd things happened. From funnier incidents (old guy passing by bycicle, telling me "I love you") to scary moments with an auto-rikshaw driver in the evening (in this situation I was really afraid).

My experience was that the best way is to place the fears aside (I know it is not easy) and tell them with a very strong voice that they should behave... I told them some stories about how to treat a woman and how to respect her, or sometimes simply that they should vanish. I was lucky, it worked always. Some left quite puzzled

But I could tell stories of a female colleague were one could ask whether these guys have something more in their head than a brain of pea-size... immaturity is the right expression, Nick.

It is not something that happens exclusively to western women, and it is also not a question of education of the men. The harassement becomes different with different grades of education, but even well educated guys can behave quite strange...

I agree that the medias/cinemas can play an important role in creating these mindsets. I never felt comfortable when I saw these ads for movies where a very willing looking girl of my hair and skincolour was portraied with a guy in quite clear positions... and I got this question frequently "whether I think western girls are more easily available"

aivlysweetie

I've had a handful of bad experiences as well, my first being in Hyderabad walking to Ohri's in Banjara Hills. We were a group of 3 women walking very fast to make it to a meeting, and these guys came clear across the street to pass us and one grabbed my butt. This resulted in me chasing him across the street shouting some Telugu obscenities i had learned earlier that week.

Even with my return to visit India, I have heard that some of the men at the university campus i studied at are "excited" to have me back because they think my return means i am there to "be" with them. It's very frustrating to deal with...especially knowing they are being educated at a supposed top notch university.

Just men's attitudes towards women (ok too general here) pisses me off. Last night a girl had gone into the men's bathroom since there was no line at this bar, and these guys came up and kept shouting about how they wanted to elbow her in the face when she came out.

SO FRUSTRATING.

Dilliwala

And of course in India she would have had, and has, the opportunity to file a complaint with the NCW (National Commission for Women, a federal body, independent of the govt.), specifically in Delhi (and I know the equivalents exist in all big cities) file another complaint at the Crimes against Women cell of Delhi Police in her police district (there are 9 or 10 for the whole city and each district has a CAW cell, headed mostly by a female officer of Asst. Commissioner rank), and having a newspaper article written about them exposing this practice.

I'm not trying to sanitise here, I know exactly what the situation is in India and why cases don't get reported, etc (and have DIRECT experience in dealing with it..more below). But even though in the U.S. the number of crimes against women is, mercifully, much lower than here, we all know that not all cases of sexual harrassment get reported there either, don't we? Or get taken to the EEOC, or written about.
Another example, does every case of date-rape get reported in the U.S.? I think not. And there are much fewer cases of this specific category of rape here, if only becos a lot less dating happens, a skewed way of looking at the situation, I know, but that is the reality, isn't it?