“Do you remember me? I saved your life!”

Dacoit Chief · Oct 16th, 2009, 16:24

This is a bit of a strange story, yet in some ways it is almost comical. When I was in my teens, my family and I were on holiday at a beach in India (which I won’t name). We’re all good swimmers, and my Dad was even a trained lifeguard in his younger years! My Dad and I were out swimming one day whilst the sea was pretty rough. There were others swimming too, but perhaps we were a bit further out then the rest! I remember being quite startled when we were suddenly surrounded by a large group of men who were trying very hard to grab me. My Dad too was especially concerned but he soon got the idea that these guys were somehow attempting to assist us and since it was a bit impossible to strike up a conversation to see what their motives were between the breaking waves, we swam towards the shore with them, whilst they continued grabbing our arms from time to time!

We soon came to know that these were the newly introduced official beach lifeguards. To be honest, as far as both me and my father remember we weren’t really ever struggling, but then I suppose I was fairly small for my age, and to them would have appeared to have been well out of my depth! We hadn’t previously been called in by them, either just before the incident or earlier on in the day. We didn’t even realize that there were official lifeguards on the beach! They had basically only just been formed, and at that stage didn’t even have a uniform or lifeguard post etc. As far as I could tell, they weren’t even professionally trained. Just able-bodied swimmers basically! (I’ve since even done lifeguard training myself, so am quite familiar with the procedures).

Anyhow, when we got back to the beach, the guys were all busy congratulating each other on their “rescue”. The usual crowd quickly gathered and sure enough I was mentioned in the local paper the following day! Anyhow, we had no intention of spoiling their fun and glory, so just left things the way they were. We just accepted that it was their call if they thought that was what needed doing. In any case, we were back in the water a few minutes after it all happened.

I didn’t really think of this incident much. For several years we went back to the beach on holidays and I occasionally bumped into one of the young lifeguards involved. He was a friendly guy and he was just curious on how I was getting and so on but initially it was never anything more than the usual banter in India. However, several years later, a bit of a problem developed in that this guy frequently referred to the fact that he had saved my life. I was obviously one of the first entries in his notebook of names of the people that he had saved from the clutches of death! The problem is I think this guy genuinely thinks I owe my life to him! Of course, he’s probably done thousands of genuine rescues since then so can’t possibly remember the details of every one of them. Anyhow, more recently when I have been going back to the beach, this guy has been blatantly asking me for big money. Somehow he even got a hold of my phone number overseas and called me up once to ask me to pick up a very expensive bit of kit for him! I am familiar with this mentality and can deal with these issues and know how to say no… but the real problem I face is that this guy is genuinely convinced I would have been dead had it not been for his brave actions on that day! He just thinks I am just being hugely ungrateful! I think I can live with that, but it’s a bit of an awkward situation.

Though he remains persistent, the situation has never really got complicated, and I don’t think it could ever turn into a threatening situation. However, it does annoy me a bit. Someday he’s going to give me a real sob-story about some close relative of his who is in a life-and death situation due to a lack of funds or something, and I will find it increasingly harder to turn down his requests for money. At the end of the day, this guy was professional, and that was his job, and his call to do what he did! Even if he does save lives (which he has undoubtedly done), then that’s what he’s paid to do just like a doctor or any other professional! Of course, the real truth is that he’s probably paid peanuts for his job!

Close to 20 years have passed, but the guy is still on his post, but in more of a supervisory capacity! He still reminds me of my ‘miraculous existence’ when I see him! Recently it’s got to a stage that I’m not even that keen to go back to the beach in question for this very reason! I just cannot be bothered to deal with this “higher” form of begging, especially whilst on holiday! How do I nicely tell this guy to just leave this issue, especially as his version of events and mine just do not overlap? In any case, I hardly assume I am the only person he has asked for gratitude!

I was just wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation of emotional blackmail in India, and how they dealt with it? I do realise similar events could happen all over the world, but some aspects make it very ‘India-specific’. It’s mainly fuelled by that classic Indian situation where you have low-paid Indian professionals, many of whom view foreigners as having deep pockets and who are also dead easy to take on an emotional trip!

If anyone else has been in such a situation, or has similar stories to tell, I’d be happy to hear!

trooooon · Oct 16th, 2009, 16:30

Interesting story . . . I don't see how you're going to get him to stop asking for money . . . i would never give him any though, it just whets the apetite! So you can't even buy release, laugh it off, and find another beach

Dacoit Chief · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:03

Quote:

Originally Posted by trooooon

.... find another beach

Yes, that is just what I want to do!

Problem is, even with all those thousands of miles of coastline in India, I can practically count the number of half decent beaches on my two hands!

indiaddict · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:05

Dacoit Chief,
you come across as very articulate.
I do not understand why you don't just have a clear word with him? That you remember events differently and that he has got it somewhat wrong?

Dacoit Chief · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:23

Quote:

Originally Posted by indiaddict

I do not understand why you don't just have a clear word with him? That you remember events differently and that he has got it somewhat wrong?

Perhaps I should. This guy has a habit of talking a lot and always claims he has a photographic memory and an ability to remember tiny details! I think if I have a "clear word" with him, it will just entice him to want to argue this out! However, maybe we will just get to a point of agreeing to disagree! I just take the opinion that arguing about this with him will be more hassle than it's worth!

However if it allows me to enjoy my beach in future, maybe you have a point! I am beginning to think that my lazy attitude of burying my head in the sand and wanting to avoid this issue is a bit foolish as I am the one who ends up losing out!

de_cooky · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:25

Send him this very link..he will understand

MattK · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:27

Dacoit Chief
Clearly you and your saviour have things the wrong way round. I would say that in actual fact, your heroic lifeguard friend is responsible for any and all expenses incurred by you since that fateful day when he continued your existence as a human consumer. You need to submit a properly filled out expense sheet, complete with receipts where available to him, I'm sure he'll see reason. After all, if you had saved him, I'd say there's a pretty good chance that he'd see things this way.

Nick-H · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:46

If you do feel inclined to talk to to him about it, I would the very same point about Doctors that you have made above, and ask if he thinks he should receive income from everyone he saves.

Dacoit Chief · Oct 16th, 2009, 17:48

Nice ones! Great ideas!

I especially like the expenses idea! Maybe if I get started now on that list of life expenses over the last 20 years, I'll at least have it half ready for my next trip to India which won't be for another year at least!

And yes, I'm sure he himself goes to the doctor once in a while! That's probably the best analogy!

capt_mahajan · Oct 16th, 2009, 20:56

I doubt if the guy is looking for justification or otherwise of his actions. He is looking for money.

Perhaps he knows the real sequence of events of the day anyway, and it suits him to pretend that he saved the OPs life.

I would just a) set the record straight, and b) say no once and for all

crvlvr · Oct 17th, 2009, 01:21

Lifeguards on Indian beaches? Do I learn something new everyday...

Nick-H · Oct 17th, 2009, 07:55

Yep. The police on Chennai's Marina beach have a dog that barks at people to tell them to stay out of the water.

ok, not exactly a lifeguard...

PeakXV · Oct 17th, 2009, 08:14

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dacoit Chief

Close to 20 years have passed, but the guy is still on his post

time to change your beach to the next cove over.

Shivani Skydancer · Oct 18th, 2009, 05:08

Dacoit Chief, take him to a cybercafe, sit him down and show him this thread. (as De Cookie mentioned). Yes, that analogy with a doctor is a good one too.

I'm a real softie, but there's no way I would feel that giving anything to this guy is justified. His obnoxious attitude needs to be corrected!

Nick-H · Oct 18th, 2009, 05:18

Quote:

sit him down and show him this thread

I think... don't. Unless he turns out to be a heartless, money grabbing bastard, it's not nice to give him the impression that the world is laughing at him.

Try to leave him with his ego intact. Otherwise, he may even give up dragging people out of the sea.

Oct 16th, 2009, 16:24	#1
Dacoit Chief Dosai, Idli, Sambar eating Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Madrid Posts: 273	“Do you remember me? I saved your life!” This is a bit of a strange story, yet in some ways it is almost comical. When I was in my teens, my family and I were on holiday at a beach in India (which I won’t name). We’re all good swimmers, and my Dad was even a trained lifeguard in his younger years! My Dad and I were out swimming one day whilst the sea was pretty rough. There were others swimming too, but perhaps we were a bit further out then the rest! I remember being quite startled when we were suddenly surrounded by a large group of men who were trying very hard to grab me. My Dad too was especially concerned but he soon got the idea that these guys were somehow attempting to assist us and since it was a bit impossible to strike up a conversation to see what their motives were between the breaking waves, we swam towards the shore with them, whilst they continued grabbing our arms from time to time! We soon came to know that these were the newly introduced official beach lifeguards. To be honest, as far as both me and my father remember we weren’t really ever struggling, but then I suppose I was fairly small for my age, and to them would have appeared to have been well out of my depth! We hadn’t previously been called in by them, either just before the incident or earlier on in the day. We didn’t even realize that there were official lifeguards on the beach! They had basically only just been formed, and at that stage didn’t even have a uniform or lifeguard post etc. As far as I could tell, they weren’t even professionally trained. Just able-bodied swimmers basically! (I’ve since even done lifeguard training myself, so am quite familiar with the procedures). Anyhow, when we got back to the beach, the guys were all busy congratulating each other on their “rescue”. The usual crowd quickly gathered and sure enough I was mentioned in the local paper the following day! Anyhow, we had no intention of spoiling their fun and glory, so just left things the way they were. We just accepted that it was their call if they thought that was what needed doing. In any case, we were back in the water a few minutes after it all happened. I didn’t really think of this incident much. For several years we went back to the beach on holidays and I occasionally bumped into one of the young lifeguards involved. He was a friendly guy and he was just curious on how I was getting and so on but initially it was never anything more than the usual banter in India. However, several years later, a bit of a problem developed in that this guy frequently referred to the fact that he had saved my life. I was obviously one of the first entries in his notebook of names of the people that he had saved from the clutches of death! The problem is I think this guy genuinely thinks I owe my life to him! Of course, he’s probably done thousands of genuine rescues since then so can’t possibly remember the details of every one of them. Anyhow, more recently when I have been going back to the beach, this guy has been blatantly asking me for big money. Somehow he even got a hold of my phone number overseas and called me up once to ask me to pick up a very expensive bit of kit for him! I am familiar with this mentality and can deal with these issues and know how to say no… but the real problem I face is that this guy is genuinely convinced I would have been dead had it not been for his brave actions on that day! He just thinks I am just being hugely ungrateful! I think I can live with that, but it’s a bit of an awkward situation. Though he remains persistent, the situation has never really got complicated, and I don’t think it could ever turn into a threatening situation. However, it does annoy me a bit. Someday he’s going to give me a real sob-story about some close relative of his who is in a life-and death situation due to a lack of funds or something, and I will find it increasingly harder to turn down his requests for money. At the end of the day, this guy was professional, and that was his job, and his call to do what he did! Even if he does save lives (which he has undoubtedly done), then that’s what he’s paid to do just like a doctor or any other professional! Of course, the real truth is that he’s probably paid peanuts for his job! Close to 20 years have passed, but the guy is still on his post, but in more of a supervisory capacity! He still reminds me of my ‘miraculous existence’ when I see him! Recently it’s got to a stage that I’m not even that keen to go back to the beach in question for this very reason! I just cannot be bothered to deal with this “higher” form of begging, especially whilst on holiday! How do I nicely tell this guy to just leave this issue, especially as his version of events and mine just do not overlap? In any case, I hardly assume I am the only person he has asked for gratitude! I was just wondering if anyone here has been in a similar situation of emotional blackmail in India, and how they dealt with it? I do realise similar events could happen all over the world, but some aspects make it very ‘India-specific’. It’s mainly fuelled by that classic Indian situation where you have low-paid Indian professionals, many of whom view foreigners as having deep pockets and who are also dead easy to take on an emotional trip! If anyone else has been in such a situation, or has similar stories to tell, I’d be happy to hear!

Oct 16th, 2009, 16:30	#2
trooooon tj Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Vasant Kunj, New Delhi Posts: 850	Interesting story . . . I don't see how you're going to get him to stop asking for money . . . i would never give him any though, it just whets the apetite! So you can't even buy release, laugh it off, and find another beach __________________ what if . . . maybe . . . say . . . suppose!

Oct 16th, 2009, 20:56	#10
capt_mahajan Infidel Sufi Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: styx Posts: 13,606	I doubt if the guy is looking for justification or otherwise of his actions. He is looking for money. Perhaps he knows the real sequence of events of the day anyway, and it suits him to pretend that he saved the OPs life. I would just a) set the record straight, and b) say no once and for all __________________ . Outside the machine

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Oct 16th, 2009, 17:05	#4
indiaddict Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: London Posts: 109	Dacoit Chief, you come across as very articulate. I do not understand why you don't just have a clear word with him? That you remember events differently and that he has got it somewhat wrong?

Oct 16th, 2009, 17:25	#6
de_cooky Holly Golightly.. Travelling Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: India Posts: 161	Send him this very link..he will understand

Oct 16th, 2009, 17:27	#7
MattK Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Location: Sydney Australia Posts: 9	Dacoit Chief Clearly you and your saviour have things the wrong way round. I would say that in actual fact, your heroic lifeguard friend is responsible for any and all expenses incurred by you since that fateful day when he continued your existence as a human consumer. You need to submit a properly filled out expense sheet, complete with receipts where available to him, I'm sure he'll see reason. After all, if you had saved him, I'd say there's a pretty good chance that he'd see things this way.

Oct 16th, 2009, 17:46	#8
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 36,213	If you do feel inclined to talk to to him about it, I would the very same point about Doctors that you have made above, and ask if he thinks he should receive income from everyone he saves.

Oct 16th, 2009, 17:48	#9
Dacoit Chief Dosai, Idli, Sambar eating Member Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Madrid Posts: 273	Nice ones! Great ideas! I especially like the expenses idea! Maybe if I get started now on that list of life expenses over the last 20 years, I'll at least have it half ready for my next trip to India which won't be for another year at least! And yes, I'm sure he himself goes to the doctor once in a while! That's probably the best analogy!

Oct 17th, 2009, 01:21	#11
crvlvr Guru Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Hollywood Posts: 4,667	Lifeguards on Indian beaches? Do I learn something new everyday...

Oct 17th, 2009, 07:55	#12
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 36,213	Yep. The police on Chennai's Marina beach have a dog that barks at people to tell them to stay out of the water. ok, not exactly a lifeguard...

Oct 18th, 2009, 05:08	#14
Shivani Skydancer ॐ Ψ ॐ Ψ ॐ Join Date: May 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 240	Dacoit Chief, take him to a cybercafe, sit him down and show him this thread. (as De Cookie mentioned). Yes, that analogy with a doctor is a good one too. I'm a real softie, but there's no way I would feel that giving anything to this guy is justified. His obnoxious attitude needs to be corrected!