Bringing my boyfriend's sister

Rachel

So I was hanging out at my bf's place last night chatting it up with his sister. She mentioned she wanted to go to India like us, and I said we'd bring her along in the suitcase. Then, she asked him if she could come along. He agreed to it after she reminded him she'll be 18 by then. She's definitely mature for her age now, and I'm sure by then she might actually be ready to go on an adventure such as the one we've begun planning.
So my question is this...Will it be awkward travelling as two girls and a guy? Would we have to do everything as a threesome? Can we just drop her off at the Taj Mahal for a couple weeks? Will we have to get two rooms in hotels (preferable since I'd like to have some quiet time with my man at the end the the day)?
As well, none of us have been to India before so we can never really be fully prepared and won't be able to fully prepare her...
Any advice?

LuAnnandJawahar

We wouldn't drop off a "just-turned 18 year old" off any place. As far as private time is concerned, we guess you'll have to get two rooms to accomplish that.

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Rachel

Hahaha I was kidding about dropping her off at the Taj Mahal, I definitely wouldn't do that. But would it really be that bad if she went and did her own thing a couple hours for a couple days?

wonderwomanusa

Your friend's sister will likely be a constant target for sexual harassment if she's walking around alone. Maybe she has a friend who can accompany her.

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bijapuri

We're a threesome, with a single male, maybe we can dump them both off together- Byron's damn cute, especially when he's next to me!

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Dayglowhamster

Ok if it was Sri lanka this is what I would suggest. There are plenty here who can correct me if the same would not hold true in India.

I would splash out a little and seek a driver with a very good reputation (N.I.T. above always seem to be spoken of well). As it's a first trip for all of you - so what if a driver is the soft option? Why not leave wanting more?

The reason I STRESS the reputation is that having a driver means that 3 become 4. With a TRUSTED driver you could split up allowing him to give her a taste of places that as a local Indian male he can help make safer for her just by being there. OK maybe you wind up missing out a little but it would give you time with each other and peace of mind. the alternative is that either you stay constantly together or you leave her alone with a few thousand folk you know nothing about. A reputable driver will always be a safer solution than that.

If you think she would feel baby sat remind her that travel is about a countries culture as well and a strong element of Asian culture (At least in SL) is for 'guests' to be shown round and protected. If she goes with the flow on this it'll open doors and I'm sure she will end up getting more out of it than by holding tight to western values of 'I can look after myself'.

Just a thought.....

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LuAnnandJawahar

Point well taken, and a lesson to those people who insist that they should be able to dress any way they want to in India because it is their right to do so. Sure it is, but when did it become "politically correct" to be insensitive to another culture's value set? The attitude of "dressing provactively doesn't give anyone the right to hassle me" (while technically correct in my book, anyway) just does not hold true for India. Sorry, guess that was a little off-topic.

It would be very unusal for an Indian girl of that age to go anyplace unchaperoned. When in Rome......

Rachel

Yeah I never thought about the "I can take care of myself" thing. She is VERY much like that, which could be quite difficult if we wanted to do separate things.
Thanks for bringing up some good points everyone. I think the three of us should have a discussion tonight about all this tonight.
And if all else fails...we can hook her up with Byron
Rachel

wonderwomanusa

Even when you went away from the table for a minute, Byron was looking prettydarngood!

bijapuri

on the other hand, what a fast, efficient education it might be to let an 18 year old loose for an afternoon, to wander around a town which you all were staying. Give her a mobile phone if you feel overprotective, but let her rip!

Dayglowhamster

Rachel, maybe this will be useful to show your boyfriends sister (or tell her). I'm 32, and more than capable of handling myself in some very difficult situations - in the west I walk where the hell I like when I like. In the west I look after myself.

For me the thrill of travelling has been learning something different from home. I'm content to be with one of my SL'an brothers if I want to walk home by the beach after dark, or I'm going into a city, or to a festival, or if I want to meet up with someone new (My B. Brother even offered to sit out of sight if I wanted to do this!). I've never viewed it as them thinking I'm not capable, more that I am somewhere new and this is how things are done.

I'm sure I have been 'protected' many times just by them being there BUT I think more than that - behaving (sometimes just learning to) in a way that is normal there HAS protected me. It's not done because they think I'm a baby - to my little brother I'm the older sister, which is a different word and a different meaning and trust me, I'm expected to act as the older sister, in many ways I'm also expected to look after him AND I get told that. My older brother would never ask if he can have another beer - my younger brother always asks (he's 28!!). But to both if I go somewhere they should go with me.

PLEASE N.I.T. tell me if this is wrong. I think to a good man who is a driver a single female passenger is like a little sister - the desire to be there is part of an old culture. When the little sister wants them to be there it's like saying 'My culture is is my culture - but I'm here now and yours is fine too.' I think that's why clothes came so quickly to mind.

In the long run my 'brothers' have been excellent company and have allowed me the freedom to do many things a single white girl in SL would never dare - a fishing trip with me the only girl? No problem my little brother is there!

It's not about being a baby - I think it's about saying 'if I'm lucky enough to be here, then I'm happy to be here in your way'.

LuAnnandJawahar

Yes and no. You'd be suprised at the offers the drivers get. One mis-step with a client and they know they would be fired. And they know we are in communication with our clients during their trip and afterwards. Now if a client wants to fraternize (sp?) with a driver there is really nothing we could do about it.

The sense of duty towards a client, female or male, is very real in 99% of drivers.

Dayglowhamster

I've known the same driver since 1997! Perhaps the not the most sensible to generalise from. Now his daughter is married and moving out (leaving a spare room) I'm staying with his family next time - I do feel stupid. I'm hoping against all hope this makes sense of what I wrote, re-reading it was painful!

Reading what you wrote I tried to squeeze a little sense from my brain and come to think of it - way back then we called him by his second name and didn't even know it wasn't his first name.

I remember a thread on TT warning a female traveller not to go alone with a guide under any circumstances (in SL) and as I've got to know a few of the drivers in SL I knew that this was not all there is to it.

Reputation and comeback are very important but I think that if both are in place then I think it's safe enough. Certainly a damn sight safer than wondering round on your own at 18!

dunee

It's totally up to you 2 both. I don't think it's matter that people that don't know you 3 can help .
If you're comfortable with her then why no?
If you have second thoughts about travelling with her all the time you should consider the possibility to split in the middle and travel alone.

I personally want to come to India alone and meet people THERE, I think it'd be more interesting to travel this way.

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UltraViolet

You never can tell what will happen to your relationships when you travel. I am currently watching 2 best mates' relationship fall apart, whereas I recently travelled with someone I would only call a drinking buddy and we had a wicked time with not a single arguement or disagreement or anything, whereas when i travelled with my bestest mate in the whole wide world we had a few arguments. It might be that you and your boyfriends sister need to find some time away from your boyfriend!

I am not really sure if i would be comfortable letting an 18 year old travel in India alone. Mature or not, the reality is she is only 18. I have recently met an 18 year old traveller, who was travelling alone, and my god did i worry about her! You end up taking on the role of mother, or at least being the one who has to organise everything. In your case it might be different though, but i certainly would end up feeling responsible for an 18 year old.