Single guy potentially moving to Mumbai - lots of personal questions!

Hi all,

I’m looking for some advice, so any input would be very much appreciated.

I’m from the UK, but considering a move to Mumbai for a 2-3 year secondment with my company. I've never done a global assignment previously. The role is great, and from a career perspective is absolutely the right thing to do. The extent to with which the company would help with my transition to India, and ensure my working life there is comfortable, is also great (relocation support, paid apartment/car/driver, etc.) Hence, I have no work-related issues with actually moving to the country – I’d relish it, and the experience of a new culture.

I am 41 years old, recently out of a 3-year relationship. Settling down and having kids is something I really want to do, and hence meeting the right person is massively important, much more so than my career. Hence, my questions are more around whether or not such a move would be the right thing for me to do from that personal perspective.

How is the dating scene in Mumbai for an ex-pat?

Is there a lively area where it’s likely you would meet other singles?

Where is the best place to live and socialise to maximise the chances of meeting other professional singles?

Is the transitory nature of fixed-term ex-pat assignments conducive to forming lasting relationships?

Do ex-pats mix solely (in general) with other ex-pats?

Is there a significant ex-pat population of single girls, or do most people move to Mumbai as families?

Do Indian women date Western men?

What are the cultural differences in dating and forming a relationship with Indian women?

Is pre-marital sex accepted or frowned upon in Mumbai society?

Does that differ if the couple in question are 2 ex-pats versus an ex-pat and an Indian girl?

[I know those last few questions might be sensitive, but I’d be lying if I didn’t mention that I’d considered them.]


I appreciate the questions are general, and that there are no definitive answers to any of them, but any input from personal experience would be really useful. I guess my nervousness about the potential move is that there could be a danger of inadvertently putting my personal life ‘on hold’ for 3 years, if the chances for meeting someone new are much lower than in the UK, where meeting a potential partner, and understanding the cultural norms of dating, leading hopefully to a long-term relationship, is pretty straightforward. Given the importance I place on settling down and starting a family, potentially returning to the UK at 44 to ‘start again’ is the last thing I would want to do.

Sorry for the longwinded nature of this, but I thought I had better explain the background rather than just list the questions. Any help anyone could give would be much appreciated.

Thanks and regards,

clarasuncle

Welcome to Indiamike mate (& sometimes Indiamate mike!)

Sounds like your biological clock is really starting to tick-tick-tock and that you have a definite agenda to meet.

In that case, you might consider placing an ad in the mumbai matrimonials section of the local newspapers .... or try your hand at the dating game.

As in anywhere in the world, there are no guarantees that you'll get what you're looking for though.

Best of luck!

Welcome to Indiamike ..

ohoooo woooo !! those are lots of question. I can only say people are friendly, just relax and soon you will understand all the question as all people are same yet different everywhere in world. same works for india too.

Looks like your personal life needs more precedence than the professtional career transfer from UK to India, at this time it is wise to stay put where you are get settled and think about this later point in time.

Mumbai is the most cosmopolitan city in India, so you're social life won't take a hit by moving here, even temporarily. Whether or not you socialize primarily with other expats or Indians is completely up to you, although I have found that rarely are the lines drawn so clearly.

As far as the dating scene here goes, well, there's 20 million people here in Bombay, so chances are you'll find someone willing to tolerate your bad habits and laugh at your unfunny jokes. You will find a lot of women who wouldn't consider dating an expat (or dating at all, period) based on cultural considerations, but then again you will probably find even more who would be pretty open to just about anything. It really depends. But a lot of us white boys who end up in the country surrounded by so many beautiful Indian women soon give into the fact that it is a matter of "when" and not "if" we'll meet the right person here. I certainly recommend it.

Thanks for the replies guys - much appreciated.

Iluvblr - you've articulated very well exactly why I'm reluctant to immediately commit to a great career opportunity.

However, the others are somewhat putting my mind at rest that a move to Mumbai wouldn't necessarily mean my personal aspirations take a back seat, so I'm currently leaning towards taking the plunge.

Hi - first thing I'd do (even before you move) is join the Bombay Expats group (http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bombayexpats/). They're a great group and a great source of information about everything you'll need to know. They also get together for brunches, drinks, holidays, etc. They can also help you settle in and adjust. Plenty of "mixed" couples in the group as well. Don't worry, you'll find whatever it is you're looking for.

Embrace the adventure and most of all, keep your sense of humor!! Have a great time.

Location, Location Location. Weather, weather weather. I know a lot of ex pats in Mumbai who given their commute and weather, feel exhausted when they are done for the day, and have no energy or mood to go out and socialize.

If you find a place close to where your work place is, spend some time looking for, and joining a Gymkhana/Club (not really easy, and membership is not cheap)

I find all three cities (Delhi, Mumbai & Hyderabad) take a toll on one's body, if one is not used to dust and humidity. Dating and socializing is the thing pushed into the recesses of one's mind.

it depends on what kind of people you get to know .. most people i socialized with were awesome.

idk, if you are white I think you'll have trouble actually dating. most indians will be nice to you, but i really doubt they'll actually want to settle down with a white guy (i should say very rarely)

India is a land of matrimonial ads and arranged marriages. I find it disgusting when matimonials for females are written by relatives who stipulate to be in the middle. Dating is not readily accepted by parents, for girls anyway. Mumbai may be an exception depending, however I doubt it.

Iluvbir gave you an excellent advice.

Why the negativity? Meeting and settling down with someone in India is perfectly possible.

Having said that, it is not something I would have done without previous knowledge and experience of the country.

But anyone who wants to do it ... can.

Its not really negativity, its the reality. Come on, how many Indias really date at that age? Lets be realistic here, India isn't the place to go to date around and meet someone.

I am in Mumbai and I must say it's very different here to many other places in India, everyone I know are dating and marrying the one they love, it's lots of bar life and socialising and flirting..

Of course a guy can settle here and find love,in and indian woman or an expat living here. there are many places to meet like minded educated, international people here. With negativity you'll get nowhere and you never win unless you try, good luck!

also look into internations.org , a truly great way to meet expats, they organize lush and fun monthly parties in Mumbai

That just means adjusting to different ways of meeting people.
And maybe that isn't even necessary!