Pre-Move Jitters

Ms Princess W

So this move has been talked about and planned for some time now (well over a year). Passports have been obtained, we're awaiting Visas. All we've talked about is the upcoming move from the US to India. It creeps into just about every conversation. The kids are excited as can be. So was I - until the last few days, and suddenly I'm freaking out.

Hubby is an Indian Citizen who's lived in the US pretty much all of the last 20 years, though has of course been back multiple times as he is a business owner there. Huge family in India, primarily in Kashmir. The house is there in Kashmir as well as Lajpat Nagar waiting for us, and other things I don't have here are there. Especially family, as I am pretty much estranged from my mother, sisters, nieces, nephews, and have been for years. My Indian in-laws are extremely welcoming of me and the boys, and yet all I can think about is that right here is MY home and all I know and am familiar and comfortable with, and I'm LEAVING IT ALL for an unfamiliar place and unfamiliar people in a country halfway around the globe. Suddenly all the horror stories, the dire news, stereotyped views, and endless warnings a la the "don't go to India because..." thread are taking front row center in my head

The boys aren't thinking twice about it - it's a great adventure for them - but I am quietly falling apart, and afraid to tell hubby that his formerly enthusiastic can't-wait-to-go American wife is suddenly scared to death about this major, major move.

Ugh.

Anyone else go through this?

Nick-H

I didn't enjoy closing the door on my empty and sold house, home for the previous 15 years, and the next month, sort-of rootless in UK was very odd.

Yes, there were nerves, but mostly I was lost in the naive, almost childlike sense of adventure of it all, probably incomparable to anything since I had left my parental home, thirty years previously, at the age of 20. Very rejuvenating

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Paleface

Well of course we are all in trepidation, few intrepid. A Life change can be nerveracking, into the unknown and all that.... but it should pass. There are different ways to look at it, for example you are hardly known here, it's an opportunity to be that person you would like to be, the familiar co ordinates are passing and in the unfamiliar tomorrow, you have a new set of potentials.... that's a nice positive perception, doesn't happen more than a few times that one can actually start afresh... most never do as the fear, which you are now facing, overwhelms them... what to say, don't let it - it's all to do!!

Paleface

Snap!

Kingstonian

Phew, I'd be scared to death too! I've moved country a couple of times - but each time with a return ticket, which made it different from your situation. That sinking moment of recognition, when the date gets closer, and you suddenly realise that what's been not much more than a dream and a plan is about to become a messy complicated reality.

Time to focus on all the good things you'll be moving to!

Ms Princess W

I've said it before and I'll say it again. IM'ers are the bestest people on the internetz.

No one else could possibly understand the sudden, out of nowhere, "ohmahgawd WTF did I get myself into!!!??" kind of freakout like I'm having, and yet offer all the reasons in the world to continue to be excited about the direction my life and that of my family is taking, rather than dwell on phantom fears and what-ifs and wanting to hide back in my comfort zone. Endless thanks for that!!!!

thedesertguy

Hi,

Don't worry, it will be great! I have moved my family to many different countries. Everyone adapted and adjusted to there new environment after a few days. After a couple of weeks, you will wonder what you were so nervous about.

Best Regards,

Mike

namaste_cat

It is hard, Princess W, and only natural for you to experience last-minute jitters. Given your hubby has lived here for so long, bet he's going to be in much the same position as you. I feel like a foreigner now when I go back to India.

You've visited before this, right? Still, nothing like actually moving there. I think if I knew I was moving long-term to the US, I would have been a lot more jittery. But instead I was coming here to study for 2 yrs for a Master's, so it felt much more doable.

Your in-laws sound wonderful, and I bet will make you feel at home. Gotta give Indians that - very welcoming and genuine people, many times suffocatingly so (feels this Indian happy to have laid-back American in-laws <g>)

With a home ready and waiting, and family to help you navigate and negotiate various things you will need to, should help a lot. I bet it'll be exciting.

Honestly I admire Westerners who move there because I don't have it in me to move back. Which is why I don't pressure my hubby at all to move there. On his own now, he's talking about testing the waters with 2-3 mo visits, so we'll see.

Anyway, I hope you all find the transition to living in India an easy one. Wishing you happy times. Do keep in touch, and let us know how you like it there.

Nick-H

I'd already made myself a home in which I'd spent six months, met my wife-to-be, taken her to England for a few weeks, sent her back while I sold the house. I was returning to a basic, but established, home --- and a marriage! There was quite a lot of romance in the air

Those were my advantages. Princess, your advantages are the other side of the coin: you already have the husband, and an established marriage.

Namaste_cat: one has to take both sides into account: it wasn't too hard for a middle-aged guy, not sorry to be unemployed, but facing a bleak future once the money ran out (which it did the week I sold the house) and not enthusiastic about a new job even if one had been easy to get.

Jobs always came my way (even though I had no ambition and little drive!), and two of them, 16 yrs and 11 yrs, occupied the majority of my working life; this time it was clear that that was not going to happen. Life's message was do something else.

I really am an old stick in the mud; even attached, like a tom cat, to walking the same paths through the same shops, so you might think this was all a rather traumatic mid-life crisis --- it was actually very calm and seemed like a big relief!

capt_mahajan

Only suggestion. Go with the flow, and don't sweat the small stuff.

And choose Kashmir over Lajpat Nagar anyday

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PeakXV

Tom Petty must have been referring to India when he sang 'the waiting is the hardest part'. Waiting for this and that really is the hardest part about India to endure.

Certainly normal to have 'butterflies' over any major event or move in life ..... but as they say the trick is to at least get those darn insects 'flying in formation'.

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6ofus

Ms Princess W,

I know how you feel, cause I'm going through exactly the same emotions now. My husband's company put forward the idea of us moving to India last November, so we have been talking, thinking & planning since then. But we're waiting on the company making a final decision/offer. I was really excited and ok with it all, but now I'm not so sure. Our 2 eldest children aren't all that thrilled, but understand why we would move and the benefits of it. The husband is still fine with it all. It's just me that has huge doubts. I find that I've managed to alienate myself from my family and friends quite well because I don't want to talk about the possible move. I'm sure that if it goes ahead we will cope, but it's just very, very scary moving your family to a place so different from what you're used to.

Oh well - chin up!!

Haylo

That is EXACTLY how I felt, and my partner was only moving to Delhi for a short term contract, and I was not even moving to India with him!

Really, it is absolutely normal to be getting scared at this point, even though you know there so many positives to look forward to. I'm sure you can find plenty of posts from members, including me, who felt just as scared at the prospect of just their first journey there!

It is a big move for yourself and your boys, if you weren't feeling apprehensive about the move at this point, I'd be wondering if you didn't care about them!

Try and keep in mind all the reasons you thought it was a great idea to move, but do pluck up courage to tell your husband that you're having last minute nerves, I'm sure a bit of support from him would go a long way.

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Raghu.Kumar

Hi Princess,

At the outset welcome to India. You are definitely going to love it and we are all here to lend you support.

As Namaste Car ( Kitty ) very rightly said it all in her message. You have very warm inlaws, a husband who would take you through the culture shock and with all of us here pitching whenever you need some advice, I guess you would have a great time in India.

Best Wishes, Raghu

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Ms Princess W

I actually did sit my husband down and tell him how I was feeling. His response was really not what I expected.

Turns out he's got jitters, too! But we're pushing forward, full steam ahead. Time's both flying by and crawling. SO much left to do and no time to do it in, it seems, and the 30th feels like it's years away at the same time.