American family moving to Gurgaon

We are an American family (2 kids - 2, 4) and another on the way researching a move to Gurgaon.

We know almost nothing about the area and are looking for lots of help...
please advise...
where to live (we are used to a comfortable upper middle class US lifestyle with a large yard and 4 bedroom house...I know this is unrealistic there, but where would we be the most comfortable?)
schools and playschools?
medical/hospital/pediatricians?
my one son has a hearing issue and needs speech and audiology support - where/how do I find this?
safety?

Thank you so much in advance for your help!!

The first thing to do is to search the site on 'moving to Gurgaon' for numerous recent threads that will cover most of your questions. Come back with more specific stuff (like your housing budget etc) when you've absorbed some of that and you'll get plenty of advice.

Read Holy Cow by Sarah MacDonald and City of Djinns by William Dalrymple to help mentally prepare yourself.

Two bits of advice:

I assume you or your husband is relocating for your employer. I'd suggest talking to colleagues about "international" schools and the best neighborhoods. Gurgaon is full of wealthy foreigners, so I'm sure there are good schools available. (I don't have kids so this sort of thing isn't on my radar.)

I don't mean to pry, but you may want to think hard about giving birth in India. While excellent medical care is available, critical/emergency care does not compare to what you'd find in the US. Also, you won't have the support network of friends and family around you.

That said, I'm guessing you don't have a cook and a driver in the US, and those people make life easier too!

> where to live (we are used to a comfortable upper middle
> class US lifestyle with a large yard and 4 bedroom house.
The yard won't be as big, but if you find a gated community where the other residents have kids, the play area should be about the same because the kids will be playing on the neighbors lawns, etc.

Thank you - we are being relocated due to my husband's job. I am going to give birth in the US and then we will move sometime between the birth (mid-July) and January. Most likely, it will be on the later end for the medical care reason!
We just received the relocation package information yesterday. They are very vague about housing allowances (it says "based on market research and based on size of family) but now actual dollar amount.
I will get some more concrete information and then come back with specific questions.
I know that neighborhood is number one for me right now - Where will we be near the best schools and be able to find decent housing.
Thanks for the reading suggestions - I will get those ASAP.
Thank you - I am open for any and all input!

As moving to Gurgaon is a regular topic on IM, I've been scratching out a primer for those relocating there: Here's a part of it:

Moving to Delhi/NCR

This is written mostly for westerners who are moving to the National Capital Region, basically Delhi, Gurgaon and Noida. I’m an American married to an Indian national, and it’s based on my experience living in the area from 2004-2008 while working for a US company. The comments reflect my personal preferences and opinions, and so are not necessarily neutral. This ain’t Consumer Reports.


FINDING A FLAT OR HOUSE
Location, location, location
Traffic and commutes in Delhi are horrendous, so choose a neighborhood near your workplace. For instance, while Gurgaon may have more attractive housing prices than South Delhi, if you’re working in the latter, the 60-90 minute commute (each way) will get old rapidly, even if you have a driver. And don’t be fooled by the distances on a map – what appear to be short distances can be killer commutes in India’s grossly inadequate road system.

Apartment or standalone house?
Apartments have numerous advantages for the new arrival –
• they’re more likely to have backup generators for electricity, a central concern in Delhi
• They will generally have security at the entrance and within the complex.
• Apartment management will take care of maintenance issues, usually with on-site staff rather than having to chase down a landlord, who will then find and send around the plumber or whoever.
• Assigned secure parking

Yes, houses are nice, but yards will probably be smaller than you’re used to, and are less likely to have the aforementioned power backup or security advantages of apartments.

Furnished or unfurnished?
It’s nearly always best to go with unfurnished. Landlord-provided furnishings tend to be low quality, and the population of furnished places will greatly limit your choices of flats and of neighborhoods. Basic furnishings (beds, washing machine, fridge, sofa and chairs) both new and used can be purchased inexpensively at the many markets in all parts of the city, or from departing expats on Yuni-Net.


Finding the right place
OK, so you have a few target neighborhoods or apartment complexes or both.

There are a few websites for rental properties (Magicbricks, 99acres, craigslist), but there’s no comprehensive multiple listing service or anything like it in Delhi. The thousands of property agents will perhaps have a few exclusive listings and will share information with others in the office and with other agents.

The concept of presenting an apartment in the best possible condition has not quite arrived in India, and it’s not unheard of for landlords to forego needed repairs, paint etc until there’s an actual tenant signed up. I once looked at a gorgeous 3BR townhouse/duplex with gleaming marble floors, a huge kitchen and sweeping views from the large balcony, but the agent seemed to be steering us away from the main floor bath. When I opened the door, I found several pigeons had set up housekeeping (nests, including one with eggs) via the broken window, and had been using it as a bathroom as well, with predictable results. The property agent’s response? ‘No problem! – we’ll fix it before you move in!’ We passed.


Landlords and property agents
While there are no doubt honest, helpful and honorable folks out there, don’t count on finding them. I’m not suggesting that they’re all thieves and villains, but they are certainly seeking to maximize their profit in any transaction, and you need to recognize that. Approach the process as if you’re walking into an auto dealership.



Negotiation
As a customer once commented to me, India is a ‘negotiating society’, meaning every transaction is a negotiation, and you are responsible for the outcome – do not expect fairness or reasonableness. If you’re taken to the cleaners financially, the fault is yours.

In general, westerners are considered desirable tenants – they’re less likely to use the legal system to game the process, they pay on time (often via company leases), and are generally not as high maintenance as Indian tenants. You should use this to advantage to lower the rental amount, the amount of deposit required etc.


Leases
If you’re moving to Delhi to work, engage your employer (or arrange for them to hire someone) to assist with the process. If you do it on your own, the result will likely not be good, though it may take a while before you realize it.

Delhi landlords are notorious for coming up with ways to hold onto the deposit that was supplied at the time of the agreement. The best way to avoid that is through a strong lease document, preferably in the name of your employer. You should also press for your employer to supply the deposit. They’re much less likely to be conned than you are and, if they are, it’s their issue.

Things to spell out: maintenance fees, advance tax withholds

Typical deposits are 2-3 months – you should work to negotiate that down, particularly if you’re the one fronting the money. As noted, westerners are desirable tenants, and you should make the most of that.


Domestics
If you’ve never had housekeepers, drivers, cooks or nannies, the adjustment can be a little weird. Americans in particular seem to have a great deal of discomfort with hired help, at least at the outset. The domestics all know this and will readily take advantage of it. It’s one of the reasons that they love working for westerners, as well as typically getting more days off, being paid more and on time, and not being worked 15 hours a day.

Many of the domestics, particularly the housekeepers, are Bangladeshi migrants. This is not a bad thing, but there’s a lot of prejudice against them in the Delhi area, and they’re often blamed, rightly or wrongly, for criminal behavior, particularly against employers. The unspoken protocol is that they pretend that they’re from Bengal (the Indian state adjoining Bangladesh), and their employers pretend to believe them. Go with the flow.

My rules were that they always got Sundays off, were always paid on time, and were treated fairly. At times they will ask for an advance on their pay. Do this only once if at all, make it obvious that it’s being done grudgingly and that it won’t be repeated. I usually provided a ‘13th month’ bonus in December.

They’ll expect some baksheesh (that’s a tip, not a bribe) on major holidays like Diwali, Holi etc. Rs. 100 is plenty. I usually gave them the day off, but that’s up to you.

There will probably be an annual visit to their home village. This can be up to a month. I usually kicked in ~Rs. 1000 toward bus/train fare but, again, your call.

Drivers
You may think you’re going to drive in Delhi. Do not. Accurate articles are here, here and here. One of many Youtube videos is here.


In any case, most westerners coming to the area for employment will have a car & driver as part of their expat package. This, like other domestic help, can require some adjustment.

The nice part is that they will know the city & will not be driven insane by the traffic (though you will be from time to time, even though you’re comfortably ensconced in the back seat). Having a driver precludes you from having to handle parking or other car care issues. If you decide to have an extra glass of wine with dinner, no problem!, you’re not driving. No place to park? No problem! – he’ll drop you off at the entrance to your destination, and will come pick you up when ready. The down side is that there will be the odd sick day, and more planning is needed than simply ‘hop in the car and go’ when you decide to go shopping.

My driver was hired by my employers, and had ten-hour daily shifts Monday through Saturday. As I valued him extremely (knew the city, showed up reliably, didn’t ask for salary advances, didn’t drink or smoke) and felt he was underpaid – salary was beyond my control – I usually kicked in an extra 2k Rupees per month in cash. As with the housekeeper, I gave him a ‘13th month’ bonus each December, again out of my own pocket.



Some reading material
• Holy Cow, by Sarah MacDonald
• City of Djinns, by William Dalrymple
• The Case of the Missing Servant – A Vish Puri Mystery, by Tarquin Hall
• White Tiger, by Aravind Adiga
• Games Indians Play – Why We Are The Way We Are, by V. Raghunathan

Connectivity (Internet, television et al)
It may not be quite what you’re used to in North America or Western Europe, but it’s improving rapidly. Tata Sky satellite TV has a good range of channels, though HD is in its infancy. For broadband (keeping in mind that speeds may not be what you’re used to), Airtel has service throughout the metro area and is who I found to be the most reliable. Most services are metered (i.e., no unlimited downloads), so if you’re a heavy downloader of whatever, mind your limits.

All of your sensitive electronics (computers, TVs and associated items) should be connected to a UPS (Uninterruptable Power Supply) – even if your apartment block has 100% power backup it will typically take 15-30 seconds for the generators to kick in, and this will keep things running in the interim.

Flat screen TVs, DVD players etc. are readily available, though more expensive than in the US. Common brands are LG, Sony, Phillips and Samsung. Check their India websites for pricing. HD programming is just starting to become available.

Note that for DVD players you should take care to get one that will play all regions as well as NTSC and PAL. If you buy it in India, test what you’re about to buy with your own discs from various regions.


Some random details
For women, bring any specialty cosmetics or fragrances that you can’t do without. MAC, Chanel etc may have limited availability, but don’t count on a full product assortment.

Amazon UK was a good resource for me, typically delivering books, DVDs etc. in 7-10 days. I generally ordered in small lots in hopes of avoiding customs scrutiny. It worked.

Nice primer, curt!

Should be made into a Sticky post.

I blush.....

Thank you so much - this is incredibly helpful! Are you sure you don't want to be our guide/advisee? I truly appreciate it and will keep posting my questions as we learn more.
Thank you thank you!

Happy it's useful -- as I'd love to return (we're holding off until my wife gets her US citizenship) I have to be content living there vicariously through other expats...

PS - just added some content about driving and drivers to the earlier response.

Excellent write up from curtdfw - not much more that you could add!

Re schools - have a look here and here. The long and short of it is that most of the schools you'll probably look at will have a waiting list (in some cases the waiting list may be closed) - so the sooner you can start talking to them the better. Secondly - the situation regarding schools changes constantly. Some schools have "international" in the title but that's not necessarily reflected in the curriculum (may be more of a marketing ploy). There are different forms of international accreditation (for example all international baccalaureate schools can be found via the IB website, and so on )- so best to do a bit of research there.

good luck

For Americans there's the American Embassy School, though it appears yours are a bit young for that. They may be a good resource for advice on younger children, though. Only downside is the distance from Gurgaon.

In any case you should sign up for the warden messages and travel alerts from the US Embassy. You can register here. Don't be put off by the 'EVERYBODY PANIC' tone...

Very well written Curt, and and an excellent starter for people who come over!

Mommyexpat: I kind of just surfed in on this website. I'm Indian American born and raised in the U.S. (I'm 32 now) and have a flat in Gurgaon and literally saw that area develop greatly over the years. I have kind of an outsiders and 'local' view on things in Gurgaon/India.

I too am from a 'comfortable' lifestyle here in the U.S., and we Americans are typically a lot more spoiled than Europeans or people of other nationalities. For this reason, even though you are used to a larger home with a big yard, etc., I would strongly advise you to consider not getting a house, but rather a luxury flat in a gated DLF city development of Gurgaon that provides 100% power backup, water, etc. Just like curt said (good writeup Curt). Delhi is hot and humid as heck, its like Texas without consistent A/C everywhere. There are a lot of luxury developments like this, they are gated and secured, and they have common yard areas for the kids. A house means more maintenance, and less security typically. You also have to deal with the infamous Gurgaon power cuts (DLFphase IV sucks more than II from what I can tell). DLF is an awesome development with all kinds of nearby conveniences like many shopping malls, etc. Just avoid high traffic times (all the time perhaps?)

Another thing that should be mentioned is the cultural difference. Most Indians are Hindus so you won't have as many crazy nut jobs as say India's neighbors have, but it is still an Asian country and modesty and conservativeness are appreciated there. Especially if you don't want to get stares (although I dont know how DLF is now I've seen many foreigners so am not sure they stand out much anymore - anyone care to chime in?). I agree with a lot on here, no so sure about Andymell's comments though, there are tons of areas of the U.S. where the medical care is far subpar to the best of what the Delhi area has to offer. If you're from Houston, New York, L.A. or some other top medical U.S. city, well then Andy's probably right on the other hand.

Again for neighborhoods I stay stick with the DLF development, its the best part of Gurgaon. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gurgaon. http://www.dlf.in/dlf/wcm/connect/DL...DLF_SITE/HOME/. For schools I would visit them and make a decision on your own, just like one should do in the U.S.. There is a school American Public School in DLF that is a Montessori school if you are interested in Montessori. It is near my flat and I saw some "white" people going in there (mostly localers though - but that's probably a good thing to expose your children to the diversity of India). Also check out the Shriram school: http://www.shriconnect.net/portal/Sc...tehome_AR.aspx. If you ever need "American" items like groceries, etc. you can try the INA market in Delhi. (you can google all these places).

For Doctors, I'd strongly recommend referring to the list of Doctors suggested by American Embassy/Consulate, the list is available online.

For doctors and veterinarians and all other kinds of expat needs, check out the posts on Yuni-net. There are tested and referred Doctors etc....