How to prepare a 14 year old?

barefoot4kids · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:00

We have checked out schools in Hyderabad, for a potential move for my daughter in her senior year.

Need to apply sooner than August for the k,2, and 4th grader I will have, or space may be full. But not many people travel here with teens.

My daughter is also concerned about social life. Everything here shuts down by midnight. I am OK with her going to clubs if one parent in a group says they will go also. My daughter was mostly pissed about not driving (no way would I let her drive here) but I am looking at this delay as a benefit! Look, the internet can keep her in touch with friends at home. Expat teens usually stick together, they might not run in the same crowd at home in the US, but being in the same boat here is a different story.

Have to say most expats I spoke to here did NOT recommend Indian Schools. They are certainly more difficult than US schools, in addition the teachers use embarrassment and sometimes strike kids. Tales of stripping a kid to his underwear for forgetting his uniform belt, and Indian children hitting without teachers stepping in were too great for me to accept the possibility of my kids attending an Indian school.
Kids can be cruel anywhere, and not knowing the language is super hard. Even on the playground here where we are staying, some of the Indian kids I have seen tell the blue eyed blondies to go away. My kids are 1/2 Indian and "look" more Indian after their tans, but have made some friends.
The funniest moment of school searching was talking to an International school Headmaster. My 16yr old is not the best student due to her own laziness but this headmaster assured me they could help my DULL daughter. I had to LOL at that. Colleges in the US look at alot more than one test. And one test will not determine what you major in!

My husband and I talked around our daughter instead of directly to her. This works most of the time. Dinner time conversation would be "guess what I read about?" We also rented alot of Bollywood films.

Biggest plus that my daughter can see is she will no longer be the maid/built in babysitter. She has a big Cinderella complex,
Best of luck to you! Check out the expat club in Bangalore to see where most of the kids go.

Ignite · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:11

Hey Barefoot, nice to see you back, how was hyderabad? or are you still there?

the opoponax · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:22

Recommending reading material instead of talking at her might be a big help. If she's a reader, of course. I remember getting ahold of my mom's copy of Under the Tuscan Sun around that age and having serious "I should totes move to Europe someday" daydreams for a couple of years. Getting her something like Holy Cow or some of William Dalrymple or Dervla Murphy's books might be a help. There seems to be another book about a young woman bicycling through the subcontinent out every week (man, why didn't I think of that? Oh, wait, I think Dervla Murphy did it 20 years ago anyway...).

One interesting title I came across while doing a quick search is something called Dork Whore, which is the memoir of a young Israeli woman who spent a year backpacking through Asia trying to lose her virginity. Not sure how much if any takes place in India, but it sounds like a brilliant read for a teenager, anyway.

puchoo · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:27

ummm......maybe this is 1 book they might not want their daughter to pick up ideas from..

Quote:

Originally Posted by the opoponax

Dork Whore, which is the memoir of a young Israeli woman who spent a year backpacking through Asia trying to lose her virginity.

the opoponax · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:34

The woman in the book is in her twenties.

Most Americans who are not religious fundamentalists assume that their teenagers can handle reading books about other people possibly having sex.

puchoo · Mar 24th, 2008, 01:45

Fair enough....!

Quote:

Originally Posted by the opoponax

Most Americans who are not religious fundamentalists assume that their teenagers can handle reading books about other people possibly having sex.

"the teachers use embarrassment and sometimes strike kids. Tales of stripping a kid to his underwear for forgetting his uniform belt, and Indian children hitting without teachers"

yes it does happen but not in renwoned public schools, plus with all the noise having being made on this over the last year and media attention it attracts its on the decline.... as far as school-yard fights go , i dont think any school can really prevent them , and i dont think any kid is worse off with a few in his school days

, but then again i can understand where you are coming from ref the school environments in the US but we still stick to fists (not guns or knives) here if thats any consolation.

kristinm · Mar 24th, 2008, 04:22

Quote:

Originally Posted by barefoot4kids

The funniest moment of school searching was talking to an International school Headmaster. My 16yr old is not the best student due to her own laziness but this headmaster assured me they could help my DULL daughter. I had to LOL at that. Colleges in the US look at alot more than one test. And one test will not determine what you major in!

.

Sounds like the cult of 'self esteem' never reached India!!!!!

Might be just what she needs

I know our short trip kind of made my son think about school in a different way - he is very bright and goes to a good public high school in the academically selective stream - but he really does the minimum possible.... either the surf's up, or the footie's on, or he wants to play his guitar or drums or hang out with his mates.

Whenever he met kids in India - the first thing they talked about was school - what subjects did he do? did he love maths more than science? What was his favourite maths topic!!!??? They really value their education & LOVE school - and it seemed pretty advanced as well. Really made him realise how much he takes his for granted.

fajitanumerouno · Mar 24th, 2008, 05:48

We recently met our 12 year old cousin in India and socially her English was excellent, she was cute as a button and she knew all about High School Musical, Hannah Montana and whatever other pop culture was going on in US and India. It was amazing. She went to some kind of private school.

I imagine at 14, if I can recall those long years ago, that the whole body thing is pretty dramatic so maybe discussing toilets is too much. Finding a good school is probably the best choice as the kids there seem friendly and if its an English speaking school with all the appropriate international connections, it will work out.

Now I can even see our college age cousin playing Texas Hold 'em on Facebook. Wacky. They are not even in Bangalore or Delhi, they are in Ahmedabad.

Adjusting to a new country always has its moments but kids there will be interested in her, I know my cousin was. We sent back a bit of pop culture with a t-shirt and book and she was thrilled.

chAos · Mar 24th, 2008, 09:24

Quote:

Originally Posted by the opoponax

Most Americans who are not religious fundamentalists assume that their teenagers can handle reading books about other people possibly having sex.

Eek, don't speak for me please.

That's a pretty broad brush to paint with.

I am neither a religious fundamentalist nor a sex-censor, but I actually have kids and I think 14 is too young for a book whose whole point is sex, which is different than "possibly having sex".

the opoponax · Mar 24th, 2008, 09:49

The woman travels Asia trying to lose her virginity, not trying to see how many notches she can put on the bedpost! By which time she's several years beyond the age at which most Americans first have sex.

I remember virginity-losing being a major subplot several times over on Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was a teenager, right there on primetime network TV. The plots of most movies marketed to teenagers revolve around that very same premise. Not to burst any bubbles, but unless you live "off the grid" in a cabin where your wife homeschools your kids and there's no movies, music, TV, or the internet, and no other teenagers within 200 miles, your 14 year old is already well aware of this stuff.

chAos · Mar 24th, 2008, 09:52

Quote:

Originally Posted by the opoponax

but unless you live "off the grid" in a cabin where your wife homeschools your kids and there's no movies, music, TV, or the internet, and no other teenagers within 200 miles

Again with the broad brush...

the opoponax · Mar 24th, 2008, 10:03

I'll repeat -- an entire season of one of the most popular TV shows of "my generation" was devoted to the main character (a 15 year old, if I remember correctly) losing her virginity. Primetime network TV. Nobody really batted an eye about it. I didn't know anyone who wasn't allowed to watch, except the crazy fundie kids who weren't allowed to watch that show anyway because their parents thought it was about devil worship.

chAos · Mar 24th, 2008, 10:07

Wanted to put it out there that you don't speak for "most Americans"; don't really feel like arguing with you.

brishti · Mar 24th, 2008, 15:40

Quote:

Originally Posted by barefoot4kids

Have to say most expats I spoke to here did NOT recommend Indian Schools. They are certainly more difficult than US schools, in addition the teachers use embarrassment and sometimes strike kids. Tales of stripping a kid to his underwear for forgetting his uniform belt, and Indian children hitting without teachers stepping in were too great for me to accept the possibility of my kids attending an Indian school.

umm - kinda like saying kids in the US are being gunned down by their peers in school

no - i am not denying what you have written, but, really now...

must admit - i'm at a loss for words here - since you keep repeating this [you have written about this in another thread, or am i mistaken???]

what should be painted with a broad brush is - the fact - most kids [indians or otherwise] coming in from abroad - will find it extremely difficult to keep up with the academic pressure in them regular schools.
the standard of academics in schools here, are very very tough. but there are those international and/or alternative schools to counter this.

as for the rest - like i said...

:brishti

Mar 23rd, 2008, 11:46	#16
Ignite Guru Pitka Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The City of Angels Posts: 615	__________________ When life gives you a lime..........drink Tequila.

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Mar 24th, 2008, 01:00	#17
barefoot4kids Member Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Michigan Posts: 29	We have checked out schools in Hyderabad, for a potential move for my daughter in her senior year. Need to apply sooner than August for the k,2, and 4th grader I will have, or space may be full. But not many people travel here with teens. My daughter is also concerned about social life. Everything here shuts down by midnight. I am OK with her going to clubs if one parent in a group says they will go also. My daughter was mostly pissed about not driving (no way would I let her drive here) but I am looking at this delay as a benefit! Look, the internet can keep her in touch with friends at home. Expat teens usually stick together, they might not run in the same crowd at home in the US, but being in the same boat here is a different story. Have to say most expats I spoke to here did NOT recommend Indian Schools. They are certainly more difficult than US schools, in addition the teachers use embarrassment and sometimes strike kids. Tales of stripping a kid to his underwear for forgetting his uniform belt, and Indian children hitting without teachers stepping in were too great for me to accept the possibility of my kids attending an Indian school. Kids can be cruel anywhere, and not knowing the language is super hard. Even on the playground here where we are staying, some of the Indian kids I have seen tell the blue eyed blondies to go away. My kids are 1/2 Indian and "look" more Indian after their tans, but have made some friends. The funniest moment of school searching was talking to an International school Headmaster. My 16yr old is not the best student due to her own laziness but this headmaster assured me they could help my DULL daughter. I had to LOL at that. Colleges in the US look at alot more than one test. And one test will not determine what you major in! My husband and I talked around our daughter instead of directly to her. This works most of the time. Dinner time conversation would be "guess what I read about?" We also rented alot of Bollywood films. Biggest plus that my daughter can see is she will no longer be the maid/built in babysitter. She has a big Cinderella complex, Best of luck to you! Check out the expat club in Bangalore to see where most of the kids go.

Mar 24th, 2008, 01:11	#18
Ignite Guru Pitka Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: The City of Angels Posts: 615	Hey Barefoot, nice to see you back, how was hyderabad? or are you still there?

Mar 24th, 2008, 01:22	#19
the opoponax Maha Guru Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brooklyn, via New Orleans Posts: 1,054	Recommending reading material instead of talking at her might be a big help. If she's a reader, of course. I remember getting ahold of my mom's copy of Under the Tuscan Sun around that age and having serious "I should totes move to Europe someday" daydreams for a couple of years. Getting her something like Holy Cow or some of William Dalrymple or Dervla Murphy's books might be a help. There seems to be another book about a young woman bicycling through the subcontinent out every week (man, why didn't I think of that? Oh, wait, I think Dervla Murphy did it 20 years ago anyway...). One interesting title I came across while doing a quick search is something called Dork Whore, which is the memoir of a young Israeli woman who spent a year backpacking through Asia trying to lose her virginity. Not sure how much if any takes place in India, but it sounds like a brilliant read for a teenager, anyway.

Mar 24th, 2008, 01:34	#21
the opoponax Maha Guru Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brooklyn, via New Orleans Posts: 1,054	The woman in the book is in her twenties. Most Americans who are not religious fundamentalists assume that their teenagers can handle reading books about other people possibly having sex.

Mar 24th, 2008, 05:48	#24
fajitanumerouno Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: near Philly, PA Posts: 58	We recently met our 12 year old cousin in India and socially her English was excellent, she was cute as a button and she knew all about High School Musical, Hannah Montana and whatever other pop culture was going on in US and India. It was amazing. She went to some kind of private school. I imagine at 14, if I can recall those long years ago, that the whole body thing is pretty dramatic so maybe discussing toilets is too much. Finding a good school is probably the best choice as the kids there seem friendly and if its an English speaking school with all the appropriate international connections, it will work out. Now I can even see our college age cousin playing Texas Hold 'em on Facebook. Wacky. They are not even in Bangalore or Delhi, they are in Ahmedabad. Adjusting to a new country always has its moments but kids there will be interested in her, I know my cousin was. We sent back a bit of pop culture with a t-shirt and book and she was thrilled.

Mar 24th, 2008, 09:49	#26
the opoponax Maha Guru Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brooklyn, via New Orleans Posts: 1,054	The woman travels Asia trying to lose her virginity, not trying to see how many notches she can put on the bedpost! By which time she's several years beyond the age at which most Americans first have sex. I remember virginity-losing being a major subplot several times over on Buffy the Vampire Slayer when I was a teenager, right there on primetime network TV. The plots of most movies marketed to teenagers revolve around that very same premise. Not to burst any bubbles, but unless you live "off the grid" in a cabin where your wife homeschools your kids and there's no movies, music, TV, or the internet, and no other teenagers within 200 miles, your 14 year old is already well aware of this stuff.

Mar 24th, 2008, 10:03	#28
the opoponax Maha Guru Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Location: Brooklyn, via New Orleans Posts: 1,054	I'll repeat -- an entire season of one of the most popular TV shows of "my generation" was devoted to the main character (a 15 year old, if I remember correctly) losing her virginity. Primetime network TV. Nobody really batted an eye about it. I didn't know anyone who wasn't allowed to watch, except the crazy fundie kids who weren't allowed to watch that show anyway because their parents thought it was about devil worship.

Mar 24th, 2008, 10:07	#29
chAos I have a theory... Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: aphyd Posts: 777	Wanted to put it out there that you don't speak for "most Americans"; don't really feel like arguing with you.

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