You may be missing India, when you ......

nanstallon

You may be missing India when you jump into a taxi and expect the driver to insist that you stay at his brother's hotel/doss house.

John

9hanover

You tie a goat to a lampost.
You drive up the wrong side of dual carriage way.
You tell everyone about your 'very good friend' who works for the 'London Times'.

tigerwatcher

1.You fail to understand why fellow passengers are annoyed when you climb into the luggage racks in the train compartment to have a sleep.
2.You fail to bum a cigarette when you approach someone, who is puffing away and state"I am smoking" and get told to f*** off instead.
3.A "jobsworth"fails to take your bakshiish of 50 pence and promote you to the head of the queque.
4.A traffic cop points out that your car tyres are as bald as a coot,ignores your insistence that "they are very good and new Sahib" and books you instead.
5.You realise that to have both a complete steering wheel and working brakes,in the same vehicle,is yet another example of Western excess and decadence.
6.You never leave home,however short the journey,without checking first that you have a toilet roll,bottle of water and some bananas about your person.All emergencies are thus covered.

lotus blossom

brilliant first post tigerwatcher! welcome aboard

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goangoangone

..............and asks why you're holding out a 100 rupee note??

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Nick-H

Hello Tigerwatcher. Nice.

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Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Indiadancer

....when you apply and start working for an Indian restaurant just so you can get free Indian food and hear Hindi three times a week even though the pay is absolute shit.

....blast Tamil music at the top volume in your car so you can feel like you are on Pondicherry public transportation.

....ride side saddle on a scooter even if you aren't wearing a sari

....wear a sari for the sake of riding side saddle on a scooter

....eat with your hands no matter what the food is

....specifically ask for filter water at a restaurant no matter how nice it is

.....ask for "best price" or "student discount" EVERYWHERE you go

.....put fresh flowers in your hair in the morning

.....boil kettles of water and take a bath using a cup and bucket

sirensongs

...you begin to just expect people to ask idiotic questions.

Example:
me: I have a headache.
Indian friend: WHY? ? ?
(as though I had given myself a headache intentionally, or as though headaches come with a declared explicit purpose)

Indian friend: Why you are always drinking ice water?
Me: Because....I like it????????? Maybe???????

IF: Why you do not take the tomato chutney?
me: Because....I don't like it???? Maybe????????????????????

Me: Why you are always asking stupid questions?
IF: Why you are asking that?

..and so on.

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Feringhee: The India Diaries

nirola

THEN WHY U ASKED THT

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Nick-H

Had that conversation with my wife last week!

sirensongs

Another fave:
me: "My stomach is hurting"or rather, "My stomach is paining me."
IF: "WHY?"


and the perpetual
Me: "Can you tell me where XYZ Road is?"
IPerson (total stranger, always a man): "Where is it you are going exactly?"
me: (to self) None of your business, Can you just answer the freaking question and tell me where the road is? (aloud) Uh, I'm going to XYZ Road.
Iperson: WHERE on XYZ Road exactly? (like I want to tell a strange man where I am going so he can follow me - which has happened before)
Me: Forget it.

Nick-H

Auto driver, stopping by the side of me: "Where are you going"

I want to say, "None of your business"

...unless I want an auto, of course!

sirensongs

Oh and ANOTHER one...
IF: watching me put on essential Vetiver oil in the morning -- "Which oil is this?"
Me: It's Vetiver from Kerala.
IF: Yes, vatt ee verr, very cooling. Very nice.
Me: Yes, very nice.
Silence.
IF: Why you are putting this?
Me: What?
IF: Why you are putting this oil?
Me: (thinks - Uh......didn't we just establish that it smells nice? Dunno, guess I need a special reason for wearing something that smells nice??)
(what I really want to say: Because I don't want to smell like YOU!!!!????)
What I end up saying: "Because it is nice and cooling. Isn't It?"

IF: ( Looks at me as though I have somehow hurt him. )

TimMakins

Isn't It?

Uh-oh - sounds as if you are changing nationality
Been away from home a bit too long, perhaps ?

Tim in Ireland

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Quote:

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover. Mark Twain

nomad

me: I have a headache.
Indian friend: WHY? ? ?
me: i drink ice water even though i have bad cold.

Indian friend: Why you are always drinking ice water?
Me: Because....I like it????????? Maybe???????
or i want to get headache.

Me: Why you are always asking stupid questions?
IF: coz i think you won't be interested in intellectual conversation.

sorry. these alt answers came to my mind and...

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Rahul Verma
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