Pose as married?

edwardseco

Wow, that is more than a bit optimistic as I have encountered first hand. There is a kind of hip avant garde elite but that does not characterize most people. I'll lean more to:

I am not sure about the positive part .
Still, in many tourist track areas they expect that kind of behavior from forens and don't get too surprised..

vireya

Have a read of this article about the issues raised by the visit to India by the French president and his girlfriend:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/south_asia/7195788.stm

anarkali

Heh! Yes! I learnt a useful Hindi phrase on this matter from my Hindi textbook. (My Hindi teacher is British so understands the kind of vocabulary we ferengi need):

'Humare bacche nehin hain. Bhagwan ki marzi nehin hai.' (We don't have any children. It is not God's wish) Combined with a mournful look and/or philosophical shrug will definitely have the outcome Nick mentions :]

Sadly, I don't know the same phrase in any of the other major languages...

Sorry, forgot to contribute to the conversation in a meaningful sense. When my husband and I went to India (Feb 2006), we had been married less than a year. We're both 38 though so assumption would be that we would have been married a few years by now. The only person who asked directly whether we were 'married couple' was the Jain uncle in the Bhavnagar - Mumbai second class sleeper. We had an interesting conversation which I think would have gone quite differently had we said 'not married couple'. As it was, he had fairly strong advice to quit farting around and have a baby already because we were wasting our lives.

When I wasn't married to Ed and we went on our first holiday together (Bali), I still referred to him as my husband. I learned to do that simply because the people I talked to didn't understand the word partner or boyfriend. A bunch of friends of mine were very judgement about what they saw as my dishonesty, but quite frankly, I'm with Vireya, that not making a point of the cultural differences is respectful.

Ariell

Istonge: When I am in India, I refer to my boyfriend as my 'husband'. We're engaged and I do wear the ring he gave me on my ring finger and I also jokingly call him 'husband', so I feel it's not realy a lie. I find it helps deflect some but certainly not all of the leering and attention that western women can get in India.

The first time I went to India, I was naive, and truthfully told whoever asked that I didn't have a boyfriend. But then I learned to make up a fictitious 'husband' back home to help avoid some of the unwanted attention.

Yes, as Captain rightly points out, the cops do sometimes bother foreign nationals. I had this happen to me this December in Delhi. 3 cops came literally barging into my hotel room without explaining who they were or what they were doing there, asking me questions about my nationality, 'who is this guy staying with you?' etc. I was scared half to death because I didn't know who they were or what was wrong. (I understood they were some sort of officials but I didn't know they were cops. Don't they wear uniforms like other countries??)

They apparently make random checks to make sure everyone staying at the hotel has signed in with their full ID and I believe the hotel can be fined if you are staying there and have not signed THE BOOK. Also apparently a way for the cops to make some $$ with bribes.



Sorry, I agree with edwardseco, that is a bit overly optimistic! Did you somehow miss this story? http://news.monstersandcritics.com/s...ai__Roundu p_

Sorry, don't mean to worry you Istonge. I have always felt safe in India and I've never had anything bad happen. But I have had alot of staring, some leering, the occasional rude comment (which I thankfully didn't understand but I got the gist of it!) and have even been followed so I think whatever you can do to make yourself feel safer you should do.

ChocolatNY

Last year when I traveled alone, I invented a husband back home; but I often met with open disapproval because I had no business to be gallivanting about the country leaving my husband to fend for himself alone

as Nick pointed out, don't go out of your way to "pose" as a married couple, but if someone asks, be ready to reply in the affirmative. you figure it out: is it better for the conversation to center on why you don't have children yet (and expect to get a truckload of unsolicited advice), or would you rather discuss the issue of you two living in sin together! (didn't think this applies to firangs, but the other replies seem to indicate that)

i am indian; this year my fiance joined me for part of my trip where we stayed at retired couple's home.. the "aunty" asked me my age and then gave me a lot of advice about not waiting too long to have babies! however in another small town we experienced the don't ask don't tell policy.

__________________
We are Pilgrims; we shall go
Always a little further: it may be
Beyond that last blue mountain barred with snow
Across that angry or that glimmering sea...

Nick-H

India has the constitution of a free country; the reality is different, for many people at many different levels.

Oyar

I think this question arises more with Foreign Nationals, because they are required to show their passports.

I have stayed on 3-4 ocassions with my then girl friend, but fortunately never encountered any problems or questions. In fact last year when i stayed with friends (girls) in 3-4 star hotels, no questions were ever asked.

A suggestion - while completing the formalities at the reception. Only one person should be there, the presence of 2 people of the opposite sex immediately raises questions. Also limit conversation to what is absolutely necessary. Dont start talking about where you are from & how long you are in India as this only leads to more questions. Complete your formalities & thereafter avoid the reception area.

ChocolatNY

good point.

Nick-H

I can imagine it raising far more questions when the single person that registers comes back with a member of the opposite sex in tow!

In may make problems with the hotel charges too.

Further more, you are supposed to register all the names (although I found that my GF's details were frequently not bothered with after mine had been recorded).

I'd recommend not to try this: any sort of behaviour that looks as if you are doing something wrong or have something to hide will make people suspicious. Sorry, I think this is a very bad idea.

You are doing nothing wrong: think and act that way.

Oyar

There is a law in almost all states in India which states - two unmarried adults of opposite sex are not allowed to stay together. (unless immediately related)

This is the reason why hotels have the right to refuse you. So yes you ARE doing something which is wrong (technically)

I did not say - 'hide information.'
You are booking a double room, so its obvious that you have someone else staying with you.
In most places, when entering in the guest book, once you have entered your details properly, for the second person - if you just mention " +1 " it will suffice.

Its highly possible that when you are completing formalites, your friend is shopping ! so whats the big deal. All occupants of the room need not be paraded at the reception.

It should not be done in a manner that implies you are hidning something. Do it openly, but smartly.

Indians by nature are very inquisitve. If i hang around the reception for more than 2 mins - i get questions like - what do u do? how many times have you been before, etc, etc. Once those are answered - it breaks a sort of barrier & the receptionist thinks he is your friend & then proceeds to ask much more. So if your female friend is not around - reception is likely to ask less. They may not be asking from official POV ... but more out of curiosity ... this can be avoided.

Nick-H

So... back to square one.

Say you're married, or imply it, or simply let it be understood.

Yes... apart from Wales, I have found people here to be the most inquisitive.

Aishah

I agree with Nick, Dhans etc. who say, say you're married. But in most cases this will not arise i.e. the question - just go about your business as a couple and it will be assumed you are. From my experience, hotel and guesthouse workers all think any couple sharing the same room, is married. Put it out of your mind, don't think about it, forget about rings etc. - these things don't matter here. A ring on the left finger in most cases doesn't mean a wedding ring. As for different names, in many areas of India, the wife does not take her husband's surname so it is not unusual to find wife and husband with totally different names. As for those questions, vague is the key. Just fob them off..

__________________
"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

Daydream Believer

I agree with the above - I don't go out of my way to describe my boyfriend as my husband, but if asked where my husband is, it's a lot easier to point him out & say 'over there', than get into a huge debate. Fortunately I look a lot younger than my 33 years, so the 'any babies/where are your babies' question is easily brushed off.

Also, 'my husband is coming' is a useful way of deflecting unwanted attention (from westerners as well as Indians!).

brishti

being an indian national, i have never envisaged the variety of 'hiccups' a visitor may encounter... duh me.

i cannot thank IM enough, for helping me comprehend and view this land from a totally different perspective... stuff we take so much for granted, issues we dont have to contend with, the do's and dont's - positively smitten

thank you IM - and all ye IMers. muchly appreciated.

:brishti

heck, i didnt know where else to post this.

Bollywood Barbie

Wow! i really didnt realise this was as big an issue! illegal to share a hotel room if you aren't married?!

i will be travelling with my boyfriend who is of indian origin, so i'm expecting people to be intrigued about our relationship. i wasn't planning on saying we were married, but not sure how mixed race relationships are received? i wasn't expecting to be breaking the law by checking into a double hotel room!


we had no issues in Goa, but it is obviously very different to the rest of India... so you think we should pretend to be married? I'm not sure how much my boyf will like that idea!!