Pose as married?

istonge · Jan 7th, 2008, 01:34

My partner and I will be traveling in Goa and Kerala in January and early February. He and I are not married, but should we say we are if asked? I borrowed a friend's old wedding ring (from a previous marriage) just in case, although I understand this custom does not translate to India and other symbols indicate marital status.

Thank you in advance for your help. This question may not be as significant as those on malaria drugs and such, but it's something I'd like to know.

iso

Nick-H · Jan 7th, 2008, 01:56

Whilst it never occurred to me to 'pose' as married when I travelled with a GF, we wouldn't disillusion those who assumed that we were.

This will be the assumption made by many.

A wedding ring is an option here, and will be recognised by many people. The absence of it will not necessarily flag you as not married.

Valini · Jan 7th, 2008, 02:08

Hi Iso,

I wouldn't suggest you "pose" and go the full hog, but as Nick said, if you are asked I would defo say that yes you are married. Depending on the person asking of course, but it can save you an awful lot of extra unwanted questions and hassle.
If you say no, you often get the "Oh, just friends!" nudge nudge wink wink and a seperate conversation will ensue between the person and the man of the couple (a generality but Ive been in this situation a few times and it really does make you feel like the hired extra).

Unless of course you want to enlighten goans and keralans (is that how you say it?) into how probably half or more of western couples live nowadays.... but that might be a bit too much to deal with when all you actually want to do is to enjoy your holiday!

istonge · Jan 7th, 2008, 02:34

Thank you, Nick and Victoria, for your speedy replies. If anyone else has experiences to share, I'd be glad to hear them.
iso

Nick-H · Jan 7th, 2008, 02:37

You will get more respect.

There is a chance that you may be positively disrespected if it is known that you are not married.

vireya · Jan 7th, 2008, 03:16

I refer to my partner as "My husband" when in India. And when travelling, my son, who is 22 and not actually travelling with us, becomes "our son" in conversations.

I think it is more polite and respectful in a way, to emphasise what we have in common with the people we meet, than to stress the differences in culture.

edwardseco · Jan 7th, 2008, 04:02

A couple of posts that I wish I was capable of. When my wife and I were first married in India we stayed with a friend who didn't know of our recent marriage. We were put in separate quarters. In the morning the women folk asked a few questions and a roar of laughter went up about the shy bride. It was certainly a more relaxed mood..

molain · Jan 7th, 2008, 13:11

India is a free country & you dont have any issues as you may be thinking.I am an Indian,lives in India & certainly know what you are looking. Please note that during your stay in any 3* or 5* hotel you can not pose in the way you r looking as they ask for the Passport & that shows every thing, however in small time resorts these details are not asked. Even if you dont pose in the Hotel, there is absolutely no problem in staying with your partner. Please be in mind that the Indian Cops donnot disturb any forigen national.

capt_mahajan · Jan 7th, 2008, 13:20

Quote:

Please be in mind that the Indian Cops donnot disturb any forigen national.

Oh yes they do.

Sometimes with insufficient cause, too.

Nick-H · Jan 7th, 2008, 23:04

The Capt has already made one valid point.

Please also know that not all country's passports carry marital status or name of spouse, so showing your passports does not necessarily reveal whether or not a couple are married --- just that they do or do not share a name.

All hotels and guesthouses are required to record details of non-resident visitors, not just posh ones. In my experience (I know some people have found places that do not bother) they have always done so.

(However, I have so far not been asked for proof of my now resident status)

dhans · Jan 8th, 2008, 00:21

Quote:

Originally Posted by istonge

This question may not be as significant as those on malaria drugs and such, but it's something I'd like to know.

Great! A question not about malaria or Paris Hilton. Welcome!!

Over the years if I happened to travel with a girl (even with my wife when she still was my fiancee) I found out it helps to be married, even when you're not.

Nobody in Asia ever asked for a marriage certificate and names in passports don't mean anything. Do be prepared for questions like:

When were you married
Where are your kids
Why don't you have kids
When will you start with kids, etc.

The obvious answer: be vague!

Hans

Nick-H · Jan 8th, 2008, 00:45

Vague statements about everything being in the hands of the god(s) probably settle most of those questions quite nicely, and will meet with approval all round

crvlvr · Jan 8th, 2008, 00:49

Just say you are married. hotels reserve the right to not allow unmarried couples rooms as they can be held accountable under India's prostitution laws.

machadinha · Jan 8th, 2008, 00:59

Quote:

Originally Posted by dhans

Great! A question not about malaria or Paris Hilton.

You just had to bring her up, right

Quote:

Do be prepared for questions like:

Where are your kids
Why don't you have kids

Yes; some heart-felt commiseration at your impotence or infertility should all your answers to these be negative is also to be expected.

princessSeda · Jan 20th, 2008, 06:01

Quote:

Originally Posted by crvlvr

Just say you are married. hotels reserve the right to not allow unmarried couples rooms as they can be held accountable under India's prostitution laws.

Seriously??

I'm travelling with a male friend and we had joked about how we might have to pretend we are married [we are both single] since we would probably get asked the question a lot. But if we do say we are just friends then they have the right to refuse us a double room together?

Jan 7th, 2008, 01:34	#1
istonge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA Posts: 10	Pose as married? My partner and I will be traveling in Goa and Kerala in January and early February. He and I are not married, but should we say we are if asked? I borrowed a friend's old wedding ring (from a previous marriage) just in case, although I understand this custom does not translate to India and other symbols indicate marital status. Thank you in advance for your help. This question may not be as significant as those on malaria drugs and such, but it's something I'd like to know. iso

Jan 7th, 2008, 01:56	#2
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 35,898	Whilst it never occurred to me to 'pose' as married when I travelled with a GF, we wouldn't disillusion those who assumed that we were. This will be the assumption made by many. A wedding ring is an option here, and will be recognised by many people. The absence of it will not necessarily flag you as not married. __________________ ... Can't connect to local MySQL server through socket '/var/lib/mysql/mysql.sock' (2)

Jan 7th, 2008, 13:11	#8
molain Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Bangalore Posts: 1	This is not a big issue India is a free country & you dont have any issues as you may be thinking.I am an Indian,lives in India & certainly know what you are looking. Please note that during your stay in any 3* or 5* hotel you can not pose in the way you r looking as they ask for the Passport & that shows every thing, however in small time resorts these details are not asked. Even if you dont pose in the Hotel, there is absolutely no problem in staying with your partner. Please be in mind that the Indian Cops donnot disturb any forigen national.

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Jan 7th, 2008, 02:08	#3
Valini Senior Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: Bdx,FR--Kanpur Posts: 390	Hi Iso, I wouldn't suggest you "pose" and go the full hog, but as Nick said, if you are asked I would defo say that yes you are married. Depending on the person asking of course, but it can save you an awful lot of extra unwanted questions and hassle. If you say no, you often get the "Oh, just friends!" nudge nudge wink wink and a seperate conversation will ensue between the person and the man of the couple (a generality but Ive been in this situation a few times and it really does make you feel like the hired extra). Unless of course you want to enlighten goans and keralans (is that how you say it?) into how probably half or more of western couples live nowadays.... but that might be a bit too much to deal with when all you actually want to do is to enjoy your holiday!

Jan 7th, 2008, 02:34	#4
istonge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Location: Minneapolis, MN, USA Posts: 10	Thank you, Nick and Victoria, for your speedy replies. If anyone else has experiences to share, I'd be glad to hear them. iso

Jan 7th, 2008, 02:37	#5
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 35,898	You will get more respect. There is a chance that you may be positively disrespected if it is known that you are not married.

Jan 7th, 2008, 03:16	#6
vireya Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: Melbourne, Australia Posts: 424	I refer to my partner as "My husband" when in India. And when travelling, my son, who is 22 and not actually travelling with us, becomes "our son" in conversations. I think it is more polite and respectful in a way, to emphasise what we have in common with the people we meet, than to stress the differences in culture.

Jan 7th, 2008, 04:02	#7
edwardseco Maha Guru Member Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: Land that shakes and bakes. Posts: 5,771	A couple of posts that I wish I was capable of. When my wife and I were first married in India we stayed with a friend who didn't know of our recent marriage. We were put in separate quarters. In the morning the women folk asked a few questions and a roar of laughter went up about the shy bride. It was certainly a more relaxed mood..

Jan 7th, 2008, 23:04	#10
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 35,898	The Capt has already made one valid point. Please also know that not all country's passports carry marital status or name of spouse, so showing your passports does not necessarily reveal whether or not a couple are married --- just that they do or do not share a name. All hotels and guesthouses are required to record details of non-resident visitors, not just posh ones. In my experience (I know some people have found places that do not bother) they have always done so. (However, I have so far not been asked for proof of my now resident status)

Jan 8th, 2008, 00:45	#12
Nick-H This is just a cameo appearance Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 35,898	Vague statements about everything being in the hands of the god(s) probably settle most of those questions quite nicely, and will meet with approval all round

Jan 8th, 2008, 00:49	#13
crvlvr Guru Join Date: Sep 2004 Location: Hollywood Posts: 4,648	Just say you are married. hotels reserve the right to not allow unmarried couples rooms as they can be held accountable under India's prostitution laws.