Male visitors & the other gender (and Buses) in India?

beano

I've only just heard about this. What a tragic story.

Just out of interest, are there any particular 'rules' about foreigners talking to women in India?

(I'm not a lech or anything, honest - just the sort of the bloke who'll talk to anyone, especially if I'm lost!! )

Moderator note: Beano was initially responding to this thread, English Holiday maker found dead In India. As the ensuing discussion took a turn of its own and might otherwise lay buried forever within that thread while possibly being of use to others, it was decided to create this thread of its own for it.

machadinha

I'd say for a male visitor some tactical reservedness & general ability to feel out a situation very much come into play. If male family members or acquaintances or elders are around, you'd likely be expected to address them first and concentrate on them, and generally not get too chatty with the ladies. Conversely, she may demurely leave it up to them even if she would be interested in talking to you, or presumably consult them first unbeknown to you before making any further steps, even in the most innocent sense of friendship I mean.

All of this in the most general of senses of course, a lot would depend on area, circumstances, social class, and so on. But not getting too frisky would probably be wise generally. Luckily you'll be forgiven most transgressions as a foreigner, such as accidentally sitting down on the women's side of buses (where applicable at all), etc.

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Nick-H

We have to be hitting the huge generalisations here: given the size and diversity of the country.

I can only answer according to the place that I know, although it would probably stand me in good stead for the rest of the country.

If you just 'chat' with a woman, your motives will probably be at least questioned by her, and maybe misunderstood. That doesn't mean you can't be friendly with staff in hotels, shops, etc.

There is no reason why you should not, for instance, ask a woman in the street if you are lost and looking for an address. If both are around I'd probably play safe and ask the man --- although my main judgement will be to try and work out which person on the streets looks like they may speak English!

Although conservative, and different in standards and expectations, this is not some deeply fundamentalist country, you are not going to be lynched for smiling at a girl!

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beano

Ah, I was really more concerned about offending the locals, rather than getting myself lynched ('s no problem, I'm a fast runner )

I didn't know that women had their own side on the bus, though. I'm guessing that's to keep everything 'proper' as well?

BTW, my other half's killing herself laughing, here; she's just pointed out that I'm a "typical bloke - when have YOU ever stopped to ask for directions anyway??"

machadinha

Yes, as mentioned, this doesn't apply everywhere, it varies per area.

I'd like to think it's to keep them safe and unmolested, but maybe you're right and it's a "proper relations" kind of thing, never looked at it that way.

Dilliwala

(Maybe this is more true of North India, I haven't seen it happen to such an extent in other parts, but I haven't done much bus-travelling outside Delhi).

It's so that women can have half-a-chance in hell of getting a seat. Imagine this situation - one empty seat, one woman and one man vying for it. Nine times out of ten, the man will dive, lunge, push her out of the way, whatever it takes to get that seat.
And oh, women on buses can, and do, get molested even while sitting in the ladies' seats.

Nick-H

Mrs N would quickly agree you that it is definitely to avoid molestation (funny word, that, mole station! Ugly reality, though).

Have to admit that I stopped giving up my seat to women on London transport a long time ago; excepting the elderly, pregnant or unwell. But then, I'd give up my seat to an elderly, pregnant or unwell man too; I'm against discrimination.

Rama

Speaking of which, what parts of the bus are reserved for women in the different areas of India? From what I gather, it varies depending on where you are in India, which is why I ask.

pundabee

Dangerously off topic, but here is how it works in Kerala:

1. Women and men do not sit together unless they are related. If a woman sits alone in a double or triple seat only females, boy children and possible old men (i.e. males who are perceived to not pose a threat) are allowed to sit next to her.

2. In buses with only one door (red state buses), women's seats are at the back to the right (away from the door); typically the back seat and the last three rows. In buses with two doors, women's seats are at the front to the right; typically the first three rows. Sometimes the first three rows to the left are also reserved for women. The reason for allocating the seats nearest the door to women is to prevent them from having to fight their way through a packed bus (and potential abuse) to get to their seats.

3. Women are allowed to sit anywhere on the bus.

4. Women's seats have "ladies", or the equivalent Malayalam term, written above the seat.

We, as foreigners (one male and one female), who travel by bus all the time, try to follow these rules as well as we can. I (male) will sometimes sit with my partner in the women's section if this is where seating is available, but if the bus is filling up, I will give up my seat to a woman rather than her having to stand, and move to the male section of the bus. Most often though, we simply sit in different parts of the bus. If we occupy two seats on a three seater in the both-sexes-section, with me in the middle seat and her in the window seat, and a woman needs a seat, I will move to the window seat so that the woman doesn't have to sit next to me (she would remain standing if I didn't).

It is all very simple, and you quickly get used to these customs.

wonder wall

theres nothing fixed or standard over the country. the seats have a written indication, but in local languages mostly. its best to just ask or observe and follow.

pmvelu

It varies according to the state and sometimes city too.Based on my travel experiences in buses, i have observed the following
In Delhi, any male may sit next to unknown female
In Hyderabad City buses, 3 to 4 rows are reserved for ladies(Behind the driver seat) & 3 to 4 rows in the left side too and male is NOT supposed to sit next to unknown Female
In Andhra Pradesh, in general, Male should not sit next to unknown female and there is NO special reservation for ladies as such. Even You could see "Ladies" symbol or "Ladies" Written in telugu BUT you would not be asked to vacate the ladies seat if a lady boards the bus
In Karnataka :

Mangalore , Udupi (Basically Uttarakanada District) + Hassan District (Belur , Halebid) , Male may sit next to unknown female & there are NO special reservations for female as such BUT Mangalore City buses are an exception as there are few seats reserved for the female
In Mysore,Mandya,Chamaraj Nagara Districts, Male Should NOT sit next to unknown female (And there are NO specific reserved seats for the female)

In Tamilnadu:
Chennai, City buses, Entire LEFT row & LAST row is meant for ladies and it's strictly Followed. In entire Tamilnadu , Male is NOT supposed to sit next to unknown female.

In Kerala:
All through the state , Few seats are reserved for Ladies and this is very strictly followed . In Kerala,Male is NOT supposed to sit next to unknown female.

And If you are a couple with / without child , you may sit anywhere you want in the bus and 99% , no body will ask you to Vacate Or ask any questions. When we (Me,My wife & our kid)board the bus we will occupy free seat (Irrespective of the reservation -Except Senior citizen / Physically handicapped seats) and till now, No reservation rules came as a issue for us

Whatever "NOT" I mentioned is the custom / culture followed in the respective places ...

And Back to the OP's question, Leave out the foreigners asking questions to Indian ladies, In South india , generally Indian male would avoid asking "Driving Directions" Or any other doubt to unknown female and this is 100% true out of Metros, Tier-II cities ....

karuna

Moving away from buses....I'm pretty sure there are some times/places in the UK where you wouldn't want to speak to a woman for fear of being accused of "chatting up my bird", followed by a swift punch on the nose.

About midnight on a Friday, St Mary's Street, Cardiff, is one such.

PeakXV

They have tongues, they talk and for some reason an Indian Woman's spoken english, as a rule, might be the purest, most elegant form of the language to be heard anywhere on the planet. But common sense, manners, personal space, appropriate eye contact, and otherwise standard protocols exist in India ...... just as they do everywhere else.

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Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

edwardseco

Nobody mentioned Maharashtra STD seating in the best bus transport in the world (after some Cabernet)! Women' seats are up front and are marked with a stencil on the back..