Blondes- to dye or not to dye? & women's wear, women's safety etc

triliana

If going to India on business, always ask about the dress code. Better to look a little clueless than to come totally dressed up/down.

Also in first days of work wear Western clothes if you are not Indian, unless you've been instructed to wear saree/salwars exclusively. People especially in metros will not expect you to wear ethnic wear, and it might be a distraction. Even if people appreciate it, it will still be a distraction to the business at hand. Both times I returned here, I wore Western clothes for the first month or so, then eased back into the Indo-Western wardrobe most of my coworkers wear.

I will *really* miss being able to wear chappals to work when I go back to the US.

reneeautumn

Hi, all. I spent six weeks in India, traveling alone. I am a 30 year old white woman. Although I enjoyed India and don't regret going, I wasn't prepared for how wearing and stressful it would be to stand out and constantly be the object of attention for men. It was only threatening in Mysore (following me into a restaurant, into my hotel, etc), and for the most part was only annoying, but it was extreme to the point that I often found myself spending hours more a day in my hotel room simply so that I would not have to go out in public and face men again. I never was able to hook up with another woman traveler for more than a few hours or a day; if I had, that would have been a buffer and made traveling more pleasant.

I have traveled extensively in Europe alone, and I preferred it and really enjoyed it. I knew India would be different, but I was surprised at how much it wore me down to be constantly ignoring men, shaking my head no, pretending I knew what I was doing when I didn't, and sometimes changing direction and walking the opposite way or going into stores to shake them. I ended up flying home ten days early, primarily b/c the stress of dealing with men on the street was not worth traveling any more.

For women planning to travel alone, I would say I often spent several hours inside tourist places like the Red Fort, with lots of landscapes parks. There, everyone I met was respectful, and I really enjoyed meeting families, taking photos, talking to school groups, etc. I know that's only seeing a certain middle and upper class of India, but it was very relaxing to spend that time in the open and feel like I was seeing Indian society and didn't have to worry about fending off anyone. Train travel was the same.

I'd also like to point out the obvious, which is that I realize these men are only a small fraction of Indians and not representative of the whole; most of the people I talked to were extremely friendly, open, and kind. Also, I have no problem with men in general--but not a single woman in India was following me down the street trying to engage me in conversation or sell me something.

PeakXV

Sorry to hear that Renee. Hope you got some good things out of your journey and that you might try it again some day. Learning how to assert yourself and manage the numerous daily social encounters both verbally and with appropriate body language is a skill that is inherent in some and yet must be learned by trial & error by others(men & women). Some never do adapt or don't care to and just move on to a country with less 'street aggression'.It might also have to do with our significant past experiences, parental influences(or not) & overall social exposure to strangers. Hopefully you can learn by your recent experiences and be more prepared for these often, annoying & persistent little persuers on your next journey.

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Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

platys

I just got back from Bangalore, and I didn't have much of a problem at all. It probably helps that I was in Bangalore - while I didn't see many western women on the street, I doubt its a rare site. Also, honestly, I'm only 4'10, a bit overweight, and pretty much stayed covered head to toe.

Plus, I'm from Chicago, so I'm very used to ignoring people and walking in crowded conditions. I didn't even notice that I was attracting much attention until I stopped to take a picture, and noticed that all of the men immediately came to a halt in order to not cross my path.

Aishah

Well that was nice manners on the part of those men, platys. My trip to South India around '95 was really enjoyable - I travelled as a single woman most of the time and after my experience in the North I would have to say the hassle and harassment was nothing compared to what can occur in the North. But these things are personally judgemental - I'm sorry you had a difficult time renee, and I do hope it doesn't put you off travelling in India again. I'm sure the next time you come you will be even tougher with those coping skills.

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"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

platys

Oh, I had a great time in India! I think it was renee that had problems.

I do think that in this case, being a woman really helped, because people were very very respectful, and not sure how to treat me. But, once I got to talking and laughing, they loosened up, and we had a great time.

However, I was there for business, and didn't do anything touristy, since I didn't have time. The one day I went to commercial street for shopping was a little more difficult, but I had an indian woman with me, and she was great at giving me tips and fending folks off.

Doppelwhipper

What do people on here make of that? I can't say my girlfriend is too thrilled at the prospect of wearing heavy, long sleeved garments during our time in India. Is the above quote a bit extreme or is this actually the way things are? Would she get less hassle being with me than she would were she on her own?

Thanks!

platys

She doesn't necessarily have to wear long sleeves, but I would absolutely wear long pants. Also, light weight, baggy shirts are actually pretty comfortable in the heat. If you GF is a smaller size, she'll have no problem finding nice indian shirts (I'm a 1X in US sizes, mostly thanks to my chest - I found that indian shirts were very roomy in the waist/hips, but tight in the chest for me.).

For work, I wore a loose button down shirts, untucked, with light pants, and it was perfectly comfortable. This was in Bangalore though, so the weather was milder.

Short sleeves should be fine, but I'd stay loose - she'll probably feel uncomfy in anything too clingy or revealing, just because everyone else will be pretty covered up.

Edit: by "clingy or revealing", I mean even a fairly standard fitting t-shirt may be a bit much. You really don't want to show off your figure. I'm back in the US, and wearing a v-neck t-shirt from target, and when I put it on this morning, I thought about how inappropriate it would have been in India.

vireya

It doesn't sound extreme to me.

Yes, if she is alone she is probably more likely to be hassled. And if you are male, she is much less likely to be hassled while you are around than if you are female.

machadinha

Well, that's not a very nice thing to say, especially not after many of us tried to see Renee through plenty a considered pre-departure query.

I'm sorry about your experiences Renee, and it made me wonder again if sometimes we don't put on the rose-colored glasses a little too much for prospective visitors. It's difficult too: If people seem overly pessimistic, one wants to encourage them; if they seem too careless, one wants to caution them a bit. Etc.

Anyway, yes, I hope you'll find it in you to return some day, and be that much more prepared. On the other hand, there's absolutely no reason why you must of course; there are plenty more places to discover or re-visit.

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Reading tips, all picked up at IndiaMike : INDAX's A Comprehensive Guide To India / Dinoj Surendran's Desi Humor / ITHVC on Culture Shock & Travel Health / JetLag Travel Guides For the Undiscerning Traveller / India Travel Links

wonderwomanusa

I always wear sleeves that go to my elbow, and pretty loose (even when I have salwar kameeze tailored, I ask for loose sleeves) and lightweight fabrics, so I'm pretty comfortable, adn so will be your girlfriend.

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Aishah

And so do I WWUSA! But observing the Delhi and Punjabi crowds in Mussoorie Mall, I'm noticing the young girls are wearing skimpy short sleeves or sometimes sleeveless kurta tops. they are not skintight, nor too lowcut in the necks. So yes, Doppel. if your gf fits the bill of young, leanish, she can certainly wear sleeveless tops. If she feels uncomfortable then I've seen many young girls who drape a very lightweight, filmy scarf around the upper regions!

kalbarri

just covering the shoulder is enough, i think.it really depends on the place and the people. some places nobody gives a second look at tourists and some places they are very inquisitive. in the 70s i had men in the seat in front of me, on a bus, turn and stare at me for hours. same, if i was sitting on my own somewhere. indian men have this amazing way of looking, as though they are looking right into you. (that is how it seemed to me)
luckily i am now the older woman and have no hassles in that realm any more. not in kerala, anyway!
in sri lanka the men all stare and giggle.

platys

I didn't mean anything bad by it - I mean that Renee was the poster who had some issues, not I. I had to admit to being confused by your reaction to my post.

In any case, while I agree with another poster that I did see indian teenagers wearing fairly skimpy clothing, I'd caution that I certainly didn't see older women (18+) wearing tank tops or tight jeans. I'm assuming just like here in the US, teenagers get a bit more latitude and protection when it comes to dressing and trying out their sexuality, at least when it comes to clothes. A bare shoulder on an 16 to 18 year old doesn't necessarily say the same thing as a bare shoulder on a foreign woman, especially to an Indian man.

capt_mahajan

I would tend to agree; I would have agreed more if the last three words there were 'many Indian men'

(A bare cold shoulder is what I get, though )