Blondes- to dye or not to dye? & women's wear, women's safety etc

Aishah

Not only female foreign tourists have problems with staring, harassment and 'Eve teasing' as it is called. The other day in newspaper a large article featuring all the women's colleges in Delhi and responses from students in regard to the harassment of girls as soon as they depart or enter - mostly done to them by young men who are totally objectionable. Why I ask myself? And the answers re young Indian men and their inappropriate ideas about women, sex and how they should behave would take this OT and lead to a long debate so will leave that unanswered!
Back to thread - Machadinha has a most useful comment. When you come to India, forget about yourself and your own concerns. So true.. behaviour here is not the same as what you are used to in your own country and the more you expect it to be, the more anxious you will become. I see young girls fromm other countries here in inappropriate dress, behaving openly in provocative manners which is entirely acceptable back 'home' but is interpreted as a 'come on' by the young men. Leading of course to unwanted attention to themselves, and continual complaining 'why do the men stare' etc.
Karuna - wearing salwar kameez etc. adopting Indian manners and dress,(which I do) are all an aid to 'blending in' but when it comes to the crunch one is always the 'foreigner'. These things do stop harassment however. I am still stared at, talked about by others standing near, thinking I don't understand (now have enough Hindi to give them an answer, and the shock on their faces immediately stops the 'gubshab'!)But, I don't care. I have a wonderful life here and these things are only petty, temporary irritations.
And Machadinha - keep on advising you can't do all of North India in 12 days - unless you leave out huge chunks and plane
hop in places - most people look at a map and think with reference to their own country, roads, and fast travelling systems!

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"Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards."

PeakXV

Wow - a western blonde(or any hair color for that matter)woman in a salwar kameez stands out far more to me in India .... than a blonde in normal western clothes. I've had this discussion with Indians(albeit westernized thinking & dressing) and their thoughts & general consensus to this is the same as mine.

I think it stems from the fact that Indians, on a whole, seem to have this uncanny knack for sensing the comfort/confidence level in others - undoubtedly a product of their keen watching & observing skills. Therefore newbies whose gait & other mannerisms displayed in public, if only slightly rendered uneasy by adorning Indian dress, could well draw extra and in some cases more unwanted attention than necessary.

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We shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started ...and know the place for the first time.
T.S. Eliot

Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

the opoponax

I like the Salwar Kameez idea not so much for blending in but because it's a stylish way to detract attention from the shape of my body. The style in the West for youngish women, even in professional attire, has been to highlight the body's shape. This means that even though I'm by no means the town tramp, most of my clothes are "tight" by Indian standards. I'd rather buy a Salwar Kameez in India than try to go hunting for frumpy Western-style clothes to bring.

Sama

absolutely. I have about 10 SKs now in my closet. but as for american clothes, I don't do the "frumpy" look. I always bring baggy cargo pants, or my cotton yoga pants that are baggy with drawstrings, together with tunic-style tops which look quasi-Indian anyway. I just dress like an old hippie chick, which I am anyway!

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My India, 2005-2008
BE THE REVOLUTION

the opoponax

Yeah, I've got a great pair of wide leg linen pants and some longish skirts. It's really tops I'm concerned about. And more because most of mine are vintage t-shirts which are falling apart and will make me look like the scuzziest of scuzzy backpackers (not to mention get torn to shreds by any dhobi wallah that so much as looks mean at them!).

So I'll bring whatever I have that's both baggy-ish and nicer, and supplement with some pretty kurtas or SK's or whatever strikes my fancy.

My main problem is that what I really love is men's traditional clothes in India, but I doubt that would be appropriate attire. I might pick up some "for my brother" and wear it back home, though.

Wow, we are soooo off topic now, aren't we?

Onecuponly

Damn right I will! Thankyou to everyone who has contributed to this thread. There's been some great insights and the more I read, the more confident and happy I feel about going.

My friend and I are both planning on purchasing SK when in India; and yes, it may look a bit silly with my blonde hair and pale skin. But the way I see it, I would rather look like I'm making an effort to be respectful to their standards of acceptable dress. On top of this, SK is going to be a far more practical way of keeping cool, covering up (I burn to a crisp) and being comfortable than any kind of western clothing.

I'm under no illusions that I will ever "blend in" in India, but I still see no harm in wearing local dress if only for the sake of convenience.

Plus they look so nice It's starting to sound like wearing Indian clothing (for women at least) is becoming an essential part of the India tourist experience!

dzibead

You won't look silly, and you'll be totally comfy, attractive, and always "appropriate"! You're going to have a great time!

Nick-H

Salwar Kameez looks good on anybody. No need to feel anything other than natural.

But get them to show you what to do with the duppata (shawl) --- this will vary according to region somewhat, and according to how, ...errr, 'modest' you wish to be!

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Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

pontesnm

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Yes, and they have probably been telling stories of that firangi ladki (foreign young lady) who hogged (grabbed?) the entire dish!

In Indian restaurants invariably the ordered dishes are placed in the center of the table and everyone gets plates and serves from these dishes. So even if you order a dish it is not considered to be exclusively yours. (Unless you order a thali in which case the dishes are served on the thali before it is brought to the table). The practice of an entree (main course) with a side dish served to each guest will only be found perhaps at the very high end retaurants which cater to many foreign tourists.

the opoponax

Ummmm, no.

I don't mean I hogged the whole dish that was meant to be family style (I'm not completely clueless, thanks).

I mean there were various "family style" dishes to choose from, and I took a plate from the stack of plates meant for this purpose, and served myself from the various options. And then my fellow crewmembers (who were all friends, but still...) descended on my plate rather than serving themselves. When I tried to stop them from gobbling up all my dinner, they accused me of being a selfish gora! With their mouths full!

The gist of it, as far as I understand, is that amongst Indians it's OK for friends to eat off each others' plates. There's less obsession with "mine" and "yours". Which is cool. It just paints a very clear picture about concepts like privacy and boundaries in Indian culture.

--

Also, to clarify, this was not in a restaurant in India. It was at the catering table on a film set in the USA. Another thing I learned working on Bollywood films in the US: Indian visitors to the US are often just as bad as Western visitors to India when it comes to the issue of "when in Rome..."

PeakXV

The gist, from what I could gather, of the OP was "will I be more conspicuous as a blonde in India". The answer, if a survey was ever possible of calculating total number of eyes laid upon a traveller solely based on hair color(blonde vs black), would most likely be yes - more conspicuous.

However whether those initial random "wandering eyes" lead to further pursuence/contact depends on a multitude of other physical characteristics & social cues that the traveller may or may not exhibit and how they handle possible verbal solicitations when/if they happen.

I would expect the same with Salwar Kameez'. Do they look nice?, are they comfortable for the climate?, are they practical for budget travel? Yes, definitely. However, again, keeping with the original gist of the OP, will these garments attract more or less visual attention towards the western traveller in India?

I would have to say more.

Nick-H

It's not ok to eat off each others' plates in this part of India, nor is it ok to touch something that someone else is going to eat (err.... outside the kitchen, of course!).

dzibead

Actually, the gist of the OP was more specific than simply whether she'd be more conspicuous as a blond (and the answer to that question is more or less self-evidently "yes'). But the real point of the OP was whether she'd be so conspicuous that she should dye her hair a darker color. And the consensus is (less self-evidently), "no".

Whether to wear a salwar kameez is a different matter entirely. It's much less personally intrusive to change your clothing temporarily than it is to dye your hair, and particularly in light of the other pluses offered by the SK, it's a good choice, although certainly not necessary by any means! Wearing one isn't going make anyone mistake you for an Indian, but I would have to say that based on my own personal experience, I don't agree with Peak: I'm obviously a firangi, but I don't think I usually attract more attention when I wear salwar kameez (which I don't necessarily do all the time in India); I think usually I attract about the same or slightly less. The only time I can think of when I know I attracted slightly more was when a group of college-age girls, who asked me to take their picture at Fatehpur Sikri, complimented me on my outfit (and they weren't being sarcastic). Since that was favorable attention, I certainly didn't mind! I also think that in shops and when just walking along the street, particularly when I'm by myself, I attract less of the particular kind of attention that's directed at obvious tourists. Taxi drivers don't constantly pull up next to me, calling "Madam, madam, taxi?" and touts don't hound me to death. It certainly isn't because I suddenly look Indian just because I'm wearing an SK outfit, but I suspect it's just easier to be mistaken for a resident foreigner (and think this is particularly true when I'm by myself, because most tourists don't travel solo) when you're wearing salwar kameez.

Aishah

Well I wear salwar kameez all the time - I just don't have any western clothes any longer. I also wear them back in Oz or NZ often with a shirt over the top for extra warmth and without the dupatta. Nobody even looks or stares. I don't want to buy a set of western clothes just for a short period, and I think I look smart enough in what I'm wearing.They are a fairly universal sort of dress anywhere actually, particularly in NZ and oz where a lot of Indians are living and wearing their salwar kameezes as well! I don't think you are going to draw any extra attention to yourself by wearing these clothes here and being blonde. As I said before quite a few of us are blonde and wearing sk's and we are all feeling comfortable here!

dzibead

I am in favor of making the SK the "national dress" of the U.S.!