Blondes- to dye or not to dye? & women's wear, women's safety etc

Sama

so true. I was born and raised in Chicago but where I live now -- white bread suburbia sans ethnic diversity -- some women my age are afraid to go into the "big city" even during the day.

here or anywhere, creeps are world-wide. once when I was in high school I took the bus downtown to do research in the main library. I sat in the back, heard some strange noises, and behind me and off to the side was a dude with his pants undone and...... I think you get the picture. I got off the bus at the next stop.

life in the big city.

as for being solo in india, I guess for me it's all about common sense, trusting your gut, and being a good judge of character.

I think how people (male OR female) handle different situations definitely depends on how they were raised. I see some parents instilling lots of fear into their kids at young ages ("stay here or someone will take you!"; "don't do that or X MIGHT happen"). and there are other parents who are protective but also let their kids learn their own lessons. just my 2 rupees.

as for me...my father taught me at a young age how to beat up boys!
I should say that he taught me how to protect myself....
we had a grocery store when I was growing up so he sent me after the candy-stealers...

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Nick-H

No, I don't think it does, I think it has to do with the fact that life and expectations are very different in the two cultures

I wonder why your mother thought that. Did he join a gym?

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lotus blossom

when i was last in india i spent some time with a young california couple. he was dreaded down to his waist and she had blonde hair, so you can imagine the way they stood out in india. people were just as fascinated, sometimes more so, with his hair. but, when just us girls went out on our own, her blond hair definitely got more attention than my brunette tresses, likely because dark hair is common to india, blonde is not.

i still get more unwanted attention than i'd like, but it goes with the territory. some of my hair is starting to silver, (some indians told me to henna it!), but it does not lessen the stares. i met a 40-something british traveler who told me that an indian friend of hers said older women turn some indian men on because they think they are traveling solo in india for some action, but what i've heard about that is a whole other issue... i also met two 50-something dutch women on one of my trips; one of them was beyond fed up with the attention they were getting (and yelling at men), so age, nor looks, nor hair color seems to be the issue.

personally, i try and be as non-flamboyant as possible (everywhere i go, i prefer plain and simple), and not be over friendly. that was a hard one for me, i'm a smiling, friendly person by nature, but it is sometimes too inviting in india, i think. to be honest though, this part of my nature nearly disappears after a few months of traveling and tiring of the attention.

with re to henna, it is possible to color ones hair dark with it if there is also indigo in the mixture. henna is the messiest stuff i've ever worked with; a pain in the butt, imo. but better than the chemical dyes that i see advertised ad-nauseum in india these days. in the u.s., there are more stringent controls on listing the ingredients of a product, but manufacturers are able to get around that by listing things such as: trade secrets, inert ingredients, and in food, natural flavors. the words natural and organic are catch keywords often used these days, even when there is nothing natural nor organic about the product.

green dye in peas...gee wilikers!

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the opoponax

Nick, I get that, of course -- half the reason India is such a fascinating place to visit is because the culture is so different.

But from the perspective of general middle class US culture, one thing that is radically different is that, on the ground in India, you are virtually guaranteed to spend most of your time in public places without the insulation of your own private vehicle. Suburbia presents virtually zero opportunity to mix with people you don't already know, let alone people who are in any way different from you. This creates a sense that anyone different is dangerous, and the best way to be safe is to insulate yourself from "strangers".

Which is what creates all this obsession about the "safety" of traveling unaccompanied as a woman in India.

lotus blossom

indeed, we live very sheltered lives here - basically home - car - school/work - car - supermarket/laundry/bank/etc - car - home, repeat ad infinitum., so being out and about in india, creates something quite different and challenging. there are days whilst in india that i prefer to stay in my room, sheltered from the attention that i get just for doing something as ordinary as going to get something to eat.

Nick-H

I have never been to America, my mother country is UK, and that is the experiecne from which I speak. I know there are differences I get fed up when Indians ask me to explain something that belongs to American culture!) so please correct me if necessary.

Perhaps one of the biggest differences between UK and USA is that I find it hard to understand how you guys can be guaranteed of spending so much of your time in vehicular isolation!

But let me try to make some comparrisons:

You reach the street/mall/store where you are going to spend a few hours shopping. You get out of your transport and join the crowd. You do not stand out! You are among a racially mixed group of people, most of whom are not even bothering to take any concious account of that. Nobody stares at you for being white; nobody stares at you for being black; nobody stares at you for being Asian. You are in an environment where it is normal to be different.

Now do the same thing in India: immediately you are different, immediately you stand out. Even if your skin colour matches, your body language and clothes probably do not. The extent to which you stand out, and the amount of attention you receive, will depend on where you are and your behaviour.

All that goes, whichever sex you are. Now lets have an idea about women. OK, I've done that, and will now get on with the post.

Seriously, though: That bunch of young guys eyeing you up. In your home town they are probably getting their ideas from their experience of sex. It probably won't even be a big deal to many of them that your skin is different in colour to theirs; they quite likely have the experience already.

Many of the same bunch of young guys in India, are getting their ideas from porn and the weird displays of bollywood. Even the married among them probably have little or no experience of anyone but their wife, and it is highly unlikely that that they have ever been with any one who does not have the same colour skin. You are a mystery to them: throw in a few cultural stereotypes in their heads, and it becomes a powerful mystery.

You're going to be stared at. Not by everyone, not all the time, but it'll certainly happen. Best just not to be bothered with it.

karuna

Great post Nick.

You're right. It's just not always easy. I'm getting better at it but I went through a whole load of stupid anger and worry and exasperation first. The long way round to the obvious conclusion.

kristinm

It is a great bonder with women isn't it - kids and bad hair days... always common ground somewhere. Maybe someone will come up with a magic thickening formula for my hair!

70s-80s overlander

I think there is a larger issue here than "blonde" or "not blonde". The issue is, do you wish to try to "stand out" or "blend in". No matter where you are in the world, if you wish NOT to stand out it helps to
dress somewhat like the locals,
have a haircut somewhat like the locals,
carry a bag that is somewhat like that carried by the locals, and, in general,
look somewhat like you know where you are going.

There's no way around it, I'm a white guy, but I make it my business to "look like a local". I'm always pleasantly amused when friends comment that I look like somebody's brother in photos of me hanging out with people I've met in a foreign country. In front of me right now on the wall are travel photos of me looking like a Turkish brother, of me looking like an Iranian brother, of me looking like a Burmese brother, of me looking like a Pakistani brother, and of me looking like a British brother. Here in the US, I conduct myself one way in New York City and one way in rural Florida. Even here in the Chicago area, I take off my tie or put my tie back on according to which kind of people I'm going to be with in the next hour or so. I am who I am, but it doesn't hurt to look like you are honoring local norms.

From brochures and from the web you can get some idea of favored local clothes colors & styles, favored hair styles, and favored bags/cases/luggage. No matter what the city, I've always considered it somewhat foolish
to stand in the middle of the road consulting a map,
to walk with a very obviously visible camera,
to take more than 30-seconds to snap a photo, etc, etc.

The safest demeanor is most cities is to look like you know what you are doing [and peferably this is the case].

People who conduct themselves as if they are "clueless" or are "lost souls"
are more likely to attract the wrong kind of attention.

If you WANT people to notice you, in most parts of the world GREEN hair will do it --
although there are certain locales where that would just make you blend in.

Sama

one word: geography.

the reason Americans in certain parts of the US are tied to their cars is because of #1, distance, and #2, no public transportation.

I live about 45 miles outside of Chicago. If there was no commuter train, the only other option would be to drive. If I lived IN the city, most likely I would not have a car because I could either walk, bike, or take public transportation. That is, depending on what area of the city I lived in. AND...public transportation is dependent on government funding (in my area.) less funding, more cuts of public transportation, maybe elimination in some areas. so how do people get to work when they live on one end of the city and their job is on the other end? cars.

People in rural america must drive because there is no public transportation. come here and take a cross-country trip in a car, Nick, and you'll see signs, "next rest stop 60 miles".

depends. you are talking about the environment in a big city like New York or Chicago. not white bread suburbia where I live. if a black man walks down the street where I live, he is most definitely stared at, or at least noticed, the same way he would be stared at in a small isolated Southern town. unfortunately, that's reality. for all of its diversity, the US is still very insular in many areas.

that's the BEST advice!

exactly!

exactly again! and that's good advice for anywhere in the world.

Nick-H

Ah, yes, geography... coming from a small country, I tend to forget the scale involved. There is no way a Brit would say that lived "in" a city that was 45 miles away!

And there are always exceptions to my general comments: there are parts of London where a white person will feel out of place, and parts of rural UK where a black person will stand out --- but, basically, India is just not cosmopolitan. It has Indians ---and visitors. Someone can pop up and quote some street in Mubai, maybe, where this is not true, or maybe some part of Goa, I'm sure there will be exceptions, but I'd guess that the resident non-Indian population is so tiny as to be homeopathic!

capt_mahajan

In India, my definition of cosmopolitan is an area (not a city) where people from different States live.

An area, not a city. In too many cities, there are enclaves of out of State residents, which does not make the city any more 'cosmopolitan'.

Same for foreigners. Besides tourists, you may see more in some areas of Delhi (eg Vasant Vihar, Chanakyapuri) but that is hardly representative.

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Nick-H

And there speaks a man whose profession has involved a great deal of world travel!

I think the real definition of cosmopolitan is---

that it is a Western women's magazine about clothes, cosmetics and sex!

capt_mahajan

With 'western women', 'clothes' and 'sex' in the same sentence, it sounds like a thread on this site on single women travelling.

But wait. We have to have 'the stereotypical Indian male' in that sentence too, for that

Aishah

And this magazine is not only for Western women! Readily available here at most newsagents and booksellers.

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