Unhappy in Mumbai

Pobl

Dear All,

I moved to Mumbai in May and I now think I have made a mistake. I have worked abroad before and enjoyed it, but I am feeling very lonely and isolated here. Plus my job isn't what I expected it to be. Am I making up my mind too soon? I am due to go on holiday soon and will take some time to think about it, but inside is the growing belief that I should go home. Have other expats experienced this?

New-South-Welshman

Well, when I was in India in 2004, I spent a month in Delhi and Lucknow. For the first two weeks I was depressed as hell, not seeing friends, not knowing my way around. But, when I actually did stuff, took up photography and met new people, it was one of the best times in my life. So what you can try doing is picking up a hobby which makes you travel a bit, like photography, and/or find some ex-pats or new friends in the city. Plus I don't think mid-year is the best time in Bombay.

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katieb1981

I don't live in India, but I do know what it is like to be alone. You just moved there in May that is hardly enough time to get to know the place and really make friends. India Mike is a great place to get to know people and maybe start a thread asking how many people live in Mumbai? I'm sure some will reply and maybe you could meet them in person and make some friends. Give yourself a year or so. If things haven't gotten any better by then, maybe you should consider moving somewhere else.

New-South-Welshman

I get 'used' to places very quickly, so I'm a bit lucky. Once you meet a good friend, it will get more bearable.

Tapestry

Pobl,

It doesn't sound unusual at all. I find that it makes a huge difference to have even one expat friend for a periodic culture-check. It may also be that there are some unsurprising cultural differences that you're experiencing working in India. When people ask me for advice in regards to moving to India, my main recommendation now is just try to have an expat friend even so that once in a while you can ask the "I feel this...is it normal?" question to someone who understands.

Do you want to give us a little more information? How long have you been here? Which industry are you in?

Tapestry

Tapestry

I see you said you moved here in May - that's not necessarily that long for the adjustment. I say if you see a light at the end of the tunnel still, try to make a small social circle and give India a shot.

ladyvetphd

Dear Ponl

Quite normal to move to a new city and feel lonely. have experienced that myself when I was alone in the US. As suggested by others make friends (relatively easy to do that in India and talk about the issues you are facing. Also go out and have fun with a bunch of people. If you get into the habit of just going back to your apt. after work, you will continue to feel lonely. Plus this is the rainy season, so the sun is also not around to cheer you up. So give it a little bit longer and see how you feel. You can PM me and I will give you my mobile number in case you want to chat.


cheers
Shobha

Pobl

Dear All,

Thanks for all your advice.

I'm in an industry where working long hours is the norm. I'm in the office at 8.30 and seldom leave before 7.30. As you can imagine, I come home in the dark and as I am so tired, all I want to do is get something to eat, listen to the radio or read for about an hour or so and then get ready for bed. I sometimes work on Saturday mornings. Working these hours it is difficult to find the time or the energy to meet up with anyone.
Often it is raining during the weekends, so even on Sundays I can't go out, even for a walk.

I am the only expat in my office so have no-one else who really understands. I have to say that although I have only been here for such a short time, I know that my hours of work really cannot change so I can't see my situation improving.

cdrake

Pobl,

Living in mumbai can turn out to be quite the miserable experience, although things can turn on a dime.(and often do).

which general locality in mumbai do you live? and which industry do you work in (if this is not confidential information).

maybe one or two of our intrepid mumbai IMers can help you stay cheerful and safe...there's one or two that do restaurant hopping...

Also a caution to you...july is the monsoons and feeling miserable in mumbai is the norm then.(I almost died from malaria one july long ago...my first...)..so I suggest you wait for august/sep. ganapathi/garba will cheer you. make friends you can go out with during these times...would be sensible advice.

aadil

Why don't you join us for the IM meet up on this Saturday, 29th July at the Bagel Shop at Bandra (West) and see how it goes. I am sure you will find a few others from lands afar as well as some of the local people. Being in Mumbai in a job that takes up most of your time is very natural (most good jobs require that so that they pay you well!!!) but you will have to wait for the monsoon to end before you decide on what is best for you as it is a season that can bring down anyone's high spirits too!!! Damp gloomy weather all the three to four months is no joke when it compounds with dangerous diseases, illnesses and flooding due to the heavy rains.

Hope to see you at the meet up on the 29th!!!

Cheers,
Aadil.

__________________
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Your aim, the stars!!!

capt_mahajan

seems to me there are two questions here. the job, and mumbai, and your dissatisfaction with both.

suggest you give whatever time you need to give to the job and decide about that first. coz if you decide no job, then there is probably no mumbai either, isnt it?

mumbai... meet some people (the indiamike meetup may be a good start) but keep your safety in mind, pursue some other interests on sunday, volunteer.... meanwhile, see how the job is going.

having lived in mumbai/bombay for seventeen years, can tell you that city can wear you down.

oh, and spend some time on indiamike!

Nick-H

Hello Pobl, really sorry to hear that things don't seem to be working out just now.

I agree with Capt.: it sounds like the core thing is job-dissatisfaction, rather than India-dissatisfaction. Certainly I would just hate to work hours like that ---anywhere. In fact they make it pretty irrelevant where you are.

Getting along to that IM meet sounds like a good start. Having such a tiring job means that getting out and meeting people is going to be tough: what I prescribe is having a friend or three for regular phone chats, or popping round for a coffee. Someone who doesn't mind that you just want to sit with your feet up, watching them steam!

Being in touch with long-term IMers like Ladyvetphd and aadil could be a very good start. Even if you are in different districts the phone is still there.

You probably know from my posts that I am pretty permanently and hapily settled here. Still, when I came back here 2 months ago with a long-term visa, renewable in India, and no compulsion to return to UK I went through a couple of weeks of sometimes waking up in a panic!

But whatever, IndiaMike is always here: company is but an internet connection away

Hope things improve...

__________________
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Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Tapestry

Also you're probably still wrestling with the contradiction between what you thought would be your job/your experience and their actual reality. You will do yourself a favor to look only at what is without regards to your prior expectations, and consider what your time could be like if you no longer felt isolated. Trust me, a single kindred spirit to chat and laugh and complain with can change your whole outlook.

Actually, I don't know any expats who have other foreigners in their office - it's common to be the only one. But a mate or two to meet up with on Sat nights or Sundays can really brighten your spirits.

cdrake

may to july 26? I think it's the weather ALONE guys. She may have a miserable(or not ) job, but that's not the reason she probably chose to be in bombay.

I think she should wait for the city to dry up, then there's ganpati/garba/diwali/ christmas, and by january she'll be negotiating a contract extension.

anu_k

Pobl

I was in Mumbai for work just last week. I can totally see how such a city can become quite overwhelming and lonely.
You seem quite unhappy with your situation but only you can change that.
My advice to you is to strike a better balance between your work and social life. If you are working hard, play hard too. Make every effort to get out and meet people. Why don't you go to the IM meetup as Aadil suggested?
And don't worry it can't rain forever.