To Move or Not To Move

MichiganMan

Hello gang. I'm currently in the midst of mind-boggling deliberations about whether to accept a 3-year ExPat position in India. And, unfortunately, there's no easy decision.

I've been offered a position with my company to help run some customer relations departments near Pune. And, while I see it as a wonderful opportunity to see new parts of the world, my fiance sees it as a step down. Way, way down.

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Here's a rundown of the largest obstacles I face:

My fiance's just earned a teaching degree and is anxious to put it to use. My employer won't pay for employment visas or job searches in India on her behalf. And - always the optimist - she doesn't think she'll be able to find work back in the States after three years of visiting another country.

We have a dog, Lucky. I'm not an expert on living in India, but it seems that it might be tough to keep Lucky safe and healthy during a 36-month stint. A short bout with a mosquito- or water-borne illness without prompt veterinary treatment would likely do her in. On the flipside, a three-year departure from her company is something we wouldn't want to make.

Cultural differences. I've done extensive traveling abroad and love new adventures and cultural differences. My companion, however, doesn't share the same mindset. When I first told her about India, she immediately shot it down, citing poor living conditions and unsafe streets. In fact, she still feels as if she would be looked down upon in India's caste system because she's a female. This is a battle I can never win.

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That being said, I still think this is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity. The pay's great and the perks are wonderful. It's an adventure that will never show itself to me again!

I'm nearly sold on the idea. Can any of you offer some advice (and some ammunition to sell my future bride on the idea)?

Thanks!

shashank.aggarwal

hmmm....I guess working in India as a teacher for 3 years would be good enough..she can start researching for good schools on the area you want to move in and contact them for the positions available...

getting a job in US after working in India is no big deal..Indians do it all the time ..I mean lot of Indians move to US after working in India...

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MichiganMan

I agree. But wouldn't she need special visas to gain employment at a school? If so, do you have any idea on how the process works and how much it costs?

The_Londoner

To be very honest, I feel you have far too may doubts about you moving to India. Personally I feel you may not want to take your pet with you for reason you have already stated, also I feel you and your partner may not enjoy India for for it is and may hamper career move.. It is said, when in doubt, stay without..

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Alohaguy

I presume you are pretty young. If you don't do it now when you are not married, you will never do it and will have regrets all your life. If you don't like it there, you can always quit. At least you took the opportunity to try. If I was your age (Under 35), I would do it in a heartbeat! And yes, I did leave my country to try unknown at the age of 30. Learned a lot from that experience and am a better person for it. Go for it!!

Ignite

I'd say do it, for the same reasons as aloha guy. You can try to convice your fiance to try to apply for some teaching positions at some international schools in India, this would really help her out when she comes back to apply for a job in USA.

The only remedy for her fears would be for her to actually visit India and see if it really is as bad as she thinks it is. Personally i'd feel a lot safer in India than i'd ever feel in Detroit,Michigan.

I really dont see how she thinks she will be looked down upon just because she is a female, when India was the first nation to have a woman prime minister in the world. Also, Indias current President is also a woman. Maybe you need to point this out to her.

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xiaojie

Well said ...!

puchoo

what are the chances of you being able to come down and check the place out with her once ? maybe that could help you in reaching a decision either way...

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Sidharth

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SSG

One point which should help: There is no shortage of good quality veterinary assistance in Pune, I know a LOT of people there who have imported and very expensive dogs (ranging in size from Maltese to Great Danes)and vets are available. If you wish to cross check you can talk to the Secretary of the Poona Kennel Club (check the contact details from the Kennel Club of India website which is thekci.org)

I also think that a look-see visit with your fiance makes a lot of sense. There are schools in Pune which offer the International Baccalaureate (I.B.) program and,provided she makes the grade in terms of her qualifications, jobs for your fiance should not be a problem.

Go for it! (after all, I am sure you will be getting a 'hardship allowance' too!

Nick-H

To be brutally honest, you cannot sell a product to someone who has no interest in buying it.

As suggested by others, a trial visit would seem to be the thing.

That gives her a chance. But if she won't even go for the trial, then I'm afraid you'd better either postpone the wedding by three years, or take a deep breath, remind yourself of your feelings for your partner, and forget India.

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capt_mahajan

Yes, give it a try. And keep an exit route planned.

I would say putting a dog through travel by air etc is the issue, (maybe twice in a short duration, since your stay seems uncertain given circumstances) not a vet in Pune. You will get decent vets there.

OcoeeG

India is not the type of place you should go if you are entering into the experience with preconcived negativites. More than likely, it is going to make the already hard transition from a western lifestyle even more difficult. If you force your fiance into this decision you could very easily regret it. If she does not find a job I can almost garuntee she will not enjoy the experience. Sitting at home all day while your mate works can get dull QUICK. Either try your very best to change her mindset to the positve side, put your relationship on hold, or forget it all togehter. There is no, ahhh lets just go try it. Moving to India (especially for 3 years) is a HUGE deal and should not be taken with a grain of salt. I am just finishing up a year of working in India (as a teacher actually), while it has been a great experience there have been as many ups as downs. Listen to Nick, he's been thru it, I am sure he will tell you it wasn't easy. And he wanted to be here

On a teaching side note. Teaching jobs for westerners are availible in India. However, if the position is not at a reputable international school be prepared for managerial and educational differences that might be hard to overlook.

Sorry to paint a rather negative picture of this but I have learned that honesty is the best policy. All of this aside, I promise you it will be an amazing adventure, that will change you forever. Best of luck!!
Chris

suzi

MichiganMan,

My husband and I are also from the US (the MidWest even) and we moved to India one and one-half years ago and have one year and three months left on our India tenure (and yes, we are counting down). We are glad that we took the opportunity to come here and we have mostly enjoyed living in India, but I am not going to lie, it is a tough life here and some days we wish we were back in the USA and my husband would probably say that 99% of the time he wishes we were back home (he must be the same type of "optimist" as your fiance).

In the case of your fiance, if she were to find work here she would have to then leave India and apply for a work visa outside of the country once she had the paperwork from the Indian school. I have obtained a work visa for India from the Indian Consulates in both the US and Thailand without too much trouble. So she would likely be able to find work in India and get the appropriate visa, but it would require that she leave the country before beginning her work. Not impossible but also not the easiest thing in the world. I agree with the others who suggest that she would not have a problem getting a job once she has returned to the US, I think that point is in reality a non-issue.

As for Lucky, he should be fine as long as you keep him indoors. We have two cats and they are fit as fiddles but if we let them run outdoors I don't think they would last very long. Vet care is easily available and it is dirt cheap compared to American vet prices. Our girls receive all the standard vaccinations that any cat in the US would. Dogs are pretty well accepted as pets so you would have no problems finding food and toys and treats for him also (though these are more expensive than in the US). Just be aware if you want him on the plane with you (not in the cabin of course unless he is a tiny little thing) you will probably have to fly Air France of Lufthansa since no American airlines accept pets on international flights (unless the rules have changed in the past few months). British Airways is also out because you can't bring pets through the UK without a 6 month quarantine.

Your fiance's concerns about the culture differences are not trivial. I of course acknowledge that India has indeed placed a number of women in very high political positions but on a day to day basis the culture accepts the man as the decision maker and head of the household. But on the other hand this only affects you as much as you let it. Within the confines of our house, my husband knows who the boss is, even if everyone outside doesn't. In terms of safety, I have never really felt unsafe, but all of my Indian friends insist that I not walk alone after dark which really does cramp my lifestyle. Not that I would walk alone after dark in Detroit or Chicago, but I wouldn't usually have to because I would have my car which isn't an option here. Another problem that I have come across as a foreign woman here is having my friendliness misinterpreted by the opposite sex as "interest" if you know what I mean. This has caused more than a couple of minor fiascos where my husband has had to finally intervene and tell the fellow that I am married and not interested (they don't seem to believe me when I tell them).

My main concern with your situation is that even from the outset your fiance doesn't want to come here. Both my husband and I wanted to move to India and even so we still find it hard every day and we look forward to our return home. I am afraid that she has already made up her mind and India is just not the place for a person who isn't an "optimist" or adventurous. India requires patience, a sense of humor and anyone who isn't up to keeping a VERY open mind might have a tough time.

All of that said, my husband and I are thrilled that we made the decision to come to India and to stay for nearly 3 years, but it isn't for everyone. I agree that coming for a couple of weeks on vacation if the two of you can manage it would be a great idea to give it a try. I feel for you because it is clear that you really want to come but don't try to "sell" this to your wife-to-be. If she is convinced to move here based on false promises and half-truths I can guarantee that it will be a long three years. Or on the other hand maybe she will just decide to leave you and move back to the US in which case your problem is solved!

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I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uhmmm, some people out there in our nation don’t have maps

sb_amd_us

Michiganman,
Infact, working in India would only help your fiance's carrier a lot! She'll standout from rest of the teachers in US and finding a job in US, specially for teachers, after coming back from India should not be a problem as there is a shortage of teachers at least in NJ(not sure about Michigan). She'll have bilingual(may learn a bit of Hindi)experience on her resume and Michigans have lots of Indians living there. Nothing to loose in my opinion...as life will be much better with driver/maid/servant etc...which is just a dream to have in US. My wife is a Speech Pathologist and have worked in School systems in US where bilingual experience has helped her a lot.

Vicki

mmmmmmm, what a delemar. I fully understand.

Working in India whilst your other half is still at home and still deciding if he wants to come and live or not.

As a previous post said, India is not the place to come if you are coming with negative thoughts, and for some the whole package that is India, that awaits for those of us who are lucky enough to have been given the opportunity to live here, is full on and not for the faint hearted.

I think maybe the best compromise is your fiance should come for a trial, see how she likes it and gives you the opportunity to start your new job. Who knows, you may hate it and she may full in love with the place ( it definately is easy to do)