Relationship advice

It's not so much staying at home and being a housewife. Actually, I wouldn't mind that myself: I have never seen anything particularly wonderful in going out to an office or factory.

It's is not so much being a housewife, even in the old-fashioned sense of the word where she does everything including bringing her husband's pipe and slippers (if she was lucky a dog brought the slippers). It is not just adding the children to that. It is adding the older generation, which may well number more than two. It is being junior to any sisters-in-law, who are going to take out on you what happened to them. I'm not dreaming this up!

True true, i was only saying based on what i know of his family :-)
in any case there wont be place to take a decision on this... mostly because i still dont speak tamil. And well, it seems his family won the war

Is this thing still going on? Virgi, you got to cut this off and move on because longer you play these games of making your bf jealous (and I understand the temptations), more messed up you will get in your mind. As much fun as it may be currently, it will have an impact on your future relationship. Also, never go after this guy's friend because you are in reactive (revenge) mode and his friend is in reactive mode as well (sympathizing with your situation).

Even if you and your bf eventually marry, you have sowed enough seeds of future fights with the jealousy games that you have played already. Most men usually don't forget these things that easily (also your bf family will constantly remind him).

Take time off and move on. This situation is totally messed up now-- beyond any repair.

Who said i tried to make him jealeous? I didnt and never would, im in no way that kind of person and would never try to get him back in that way or through blackmail. Once again, the reason why i told him is a side reason that i wont explain here but that has nothing to do with my breakup.

If he stayed with me it should be for the right reasons, otherwise it woudnt be what we want. I dont want him no-matter-how, thats why we told his parents and decided we wouldnt do it without their approval. Even if in the end it was him who left me...sonner than i would have liked.

I have to say such assumptions really offend me. Ive tried to be clear enough about my good intentions over doing things right and any possibility. I just wanted to share a funny thing that happened inbetween the mess going on in my life with ppl that took time to give me a helping word, that's all.

And of course i wont take advantage of this guy... in the end i still love my bf right? He shouldnt be trying in the first place.

The reasons why we do things and the way we do them modify what we do. If the reasons are wrong, what we do is wrong aswell.

¿cómo Tsk Tsk Tsk.. Cada día te quiero más que ayer y menos que mañana. Parda nahin jab koi khuda se**

@virgi: You should rent "Mughal - E Azam", I am sure you can get a spanish version in Madrid !! ...or Spain. This is the quintessential distillation of your story - the greatest epic of Bollywood.

It is the intermission (just like the Bollywood movies.) Waiting for True Love !!!


[** Why be afraid of Loving....When there is no hiding from God...]
<If someone has a better translation... please jump in>

Take decisions! Never give reasons; for though your decisions may be right, your reasons will be wrong!
Oprah Out

Hi Virgi,

Continuing from my previous mail. Sincerely advice you to move on. It is literally impossible for you to change the attitudes of your future in laws.If the BF was from a cosmopolitan background, you still had a choice. Regarding his talk of looking for a shore job, highly unlikely as his skill sets are not suitable for most shore jobs. Most shippies who opt out from Sea faring jobs have an extremely tough time finding jobs.The only chance you have of succeeding in your marriage is to keep distance from your BF's family. Preferably a continent away.
Regards
Cavalier

Well yes, but it is the internet, and words are not always understood as it they are meant to be, not to mention the assumptions that all of us will be making about the bigger situation from what you have told us.

Even as we advise you, move on, it still has to be recognised that there is a post-relationship zone in which things are not quite ...post-relationship...
...like that, for instance. Emotions do not have an on/off switch. Many relationships do not end with an instantaneous cut-off. It takes time.

nycank: for sure I'll check it out maybe i can make a co-production out of my story.. :P And you're totally right. I have peace in loving him, even if that means i have to let him go... we'll see how this story end

Happyhippy: totally true... in these moments i'm getting to see how close-minded some people are... mostly when there is a cultural gap...

Cavalier: About the job, well.. i don't think he will have a big problem, maybe only in his same place, but he hasn't always been on cruise ships and it's not like he was doing something else and jumped to be a butler. Let's hope the best for him in any case. Well, up to now i don't have options anymore. If the situation changed and all, well, we will see then.

Nick-H: yes, any of us can make assumptions about everyone else, but this was a whole full story about my intentions. And i think it is always better to ask before scolding for what any of us have taken for granted. And moving on takes time, i have absolutely no interest in keep on suffering, if i was able to do it in a day i would, but i am not. I think having a post-relationship time doesnt always mean i'll be doing whatever i can, good or bad, to get him back, and i think i have already been clear about it.
And also, about loving him... well, i don't think in a breakup like this its unavoidable to stop loving him.. i think it is a matter of assuming the real situation and, lets say, "relocating" my feelings for him. But at times love means letting go.

You are amazingly clear, Virgi. Have you considered counselling as a profession? Maybe you should: you could help others a lot




.

Thank you very much. It means a lot, i'm trying to keep my mind as clear as possible.