of maids and madams

Hi

the madam reference is to me and ofcourse this sits a little uncomfortable with me.

But hey, first I should say thanks for all the help I got from India Mikers as we muddled our way through the move to New Delhi. And here we are and I should edit my settings to read location: Delhi, not Portland Oregon.

So heres the advice I need now. My husband and I knew we would be employing a full time maid in Delhi and a friend of ours here had located through an agency and had in place a young woman for us before we landed. We had given some thought to how we could best avoid some of the exploitativeness (is there such a word?) inherent in the relationship. A friend of ours in US who had employed a maid in S Africa to care for her child while she worked said she addressed this with not just the usual prescription of fair pay, fair hours etc but also by building in a career ladder of sorts. Her maid took CPR courses, attended seminars that tuaght her skills that made her more employable and at a higher wage.

We like our maid who appears to be bright and sociable although prone to some low level depression. When we asked her for ideas on what she would like to do in future she was pretty resolute she wanted to finish school which she had left in Std 5. She is now 21. I've looked at something called open school. Just on the net. Any ideas from anyone on how we can pursue an education in Delhi for a 21 yr old? Any ideas on how to go about a fair relationship when the economic and power disparity is so great?

Mridu

This is something that in a shift hopefully sooner rather than later we shall experience also.

The thoughts that I have go along this lines; in many ways treating the person not only as a maid but a companion, to teach you what you need to know in order to function well in your new home and also the language, cultural and cooking aspects of life. So in return my wife and I would teach her as much as we could about up skilling and functioning in a expanding society, also look at as many courses that were appropriate to her that can be undertaken at training centres. So home schooling and external training that does not impose unduly on what ever expectations one has for the work relationship. I have looked at it as there are many available to be maids and if I have the opportunity to assist someone realising a greater potential should they wish it then let it be so, kind of like a short term adoption programme.

a trade school might be better option. high school graduates do not necessarily get better opportunities in India as even college graduates often go unemployed. .

Hi

I spoke with the folks at my nearby beauty paelor and they got training on the job. This is not a super high end job. If all goes well the young woman who works for us should be with us for 2 years that we are here. This could be a good long stint in which to take a leap forward. So when I think trade school, I want to make it possible for her to really learn something worthwhile and while a beauty salon is of interest to her I believe she wont make much more than she does now as a maid unless she is actually enrolled in a real program that provides her with some sort of certificate of learning which in turn will place her in a high end salon. Where is there such a program?

I also think any real trade requires minimal math etc. At present she has only a limited grasp of multiplication/division and concepts like place value etc were never taught. Her English is pretty decent but still limited. She fakes her way in a lot of situations

Thanks for suggestion. I was thinking some schooling coupled with a trade/vocational training.

Mridu

OP:
- Whoever you employ, see if they are registered with the police.
(Called chowki in Delhi.)
- Having a part time, 'kaam wali' (if thats even an option for you.) is said to be safer option than a full time, maid.

The safest option though is to not use any maids... but this means having to do the housework by yourself.

indojingai offers insightful advice. We don't know the history you have with this maid. Was she referred to you? If so, how well does the referrer know her etc. most of the domestic crime in india involves servants. I know of may who are completely thankless even after their clients have been overly benevolent.

okay, i suspect anyone that suggests doing all the housework yourself is either a man or does not work... hmmmm....

look there's no reason to spread paranoia and suggest drastic actions like firing someone when you have few if any details. Llet's give Mriduus the benefit of doubt that she's not a total idiot and see if anyone can actually provide some useful advice regarding her specific questions.

anyone?

good luck Mriduus, your efforts sound admirable to me!

I did not want a ft maid and would have prefered a pt. I do a good bit of my own housework and am reasonable about not needing the house to be spotless at all times. So definitely a pt maid was enough for my needs.I did want a younger rather than older maid because I have had the experience of being bullied into submission by older maids - mind you this was as an adult. In the end a friend here arranged for the maid before our arrival and since the house came with a seperate maids quarters I agreed to the friend's insistence that our family of 2 adults and 3 kids did need a ft maid and in return this friend arranged that the maid was young.


I grew up some years in Delhi and am familiar with the fact that maids have to fake a whole lot to get by. In my first post I was actually referring to her pretnding to understand English. But yes, she does borderline lie about other things as well. But this is the stuff of survival and I believe everyone (indians) is tolerant of it as this does not always equate to criminal behavior. If one were to dismiss a maid for things like perpetually faking headaches then it would be impossible to retain anyone. i just ignore the headaches.

Let me report on the headway i have made. I hope this is useful info to others. The govt has a scheme of heavily subsidized education for adults. It is called Open based school and in conjunction there are programs for vocational schools as well. I visited on Tue by myself and on wed with the maid one such school in South Ex near the Jain Mandir called Nehru Bal Samiti. BTW they also serve little children if anyone you know has a kid of 2+.

This was a wonderful set up and my maid whio finished 5th standard and is 21 now is going to attempt over the next two years to get her 10th std certificate. She will have classes from 9 to 2 every Sunday and once a month on second sat. It includes for an extra Rs 50 word processing and the fees including books for the year is Rs 550. A bit higher for men, lower for handicapped. I will pay a little more for private tuition for her on Sats that she is not in school. I am trying to stick to a 8 to 10 hr per day, 5 days per week work week with her. This is kind by Indian standards.

The folks I met at Bal Samiti are dedicated, have politics and vision to boot. i would recommend this p[rogram to anyone. They also have micro loan schemes for women etc. As to whether our maid succeeds there I believe that depends a lot on her willingness to overcome her own sense of inferiority, lack of confidence etc. She will also have to believe this can actually make some material difference in her life.

India is one of those places in the world where one can on a modest scale make a dramatic difference in the lives of those one comes in immediate contact with. Anyway that was my thinking going into this

Mridu

Mridu:

Good for you and the young lady working for you too. Your posts are a great reminder to keep finding small ways to make a difference whenever possible. Will you keep this forum posted on progress?

GM

It is wonderful to note that u are taking such an initiative for betterment of this young girl working for u. U have found a soultion already but do have a look at National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS) website at http://www.nos.org/ . May be that would help u find more (or better) options.

Hi

Thnks for the encourgement. This school in South Ex is part of the Nationl Open School Initiative which you list the website for. I hope things work well but yesterdy was a very discouraging day. One cannot ever simply offer someone money or even time as a help. There has to be the emotional involvemen/mentoring etc. My maid has really struggled over the last 1 week to land her affidavit of birth date. She is essentially orphaned, has no birth cert, no ration card, voting card or any piece of paper that identifies her. Probably very commom here. So this pst week as she tried to get hers from the Sub-District Mgistrate in Mehrauli there was a lot of hrassment that she had to face including being propositioned etc. She wants me to hold her hands theough everything. I refused because one I dont have the resources and two she needs to learn to do much of this on her own becuse being on her own is as far as I can see her basic reality.

Anywy she got this affidavit essential to her obtaining admission and now she is sulking becuse on enrolling at the school there were more disappointments and illtreatment in store for her. She is shrinking from the belief that she will be abused there in the future becuse of her lack of education. I counselled her that life is unfair and she will just have to buck up and bear up to get head.

Not sure what will happen next. But I do have some confidence that she will make it.

Mridu

Hi

Sorry to hear that your help and u have gone through some trouble. In delhi govt offices, there is always a way to get the things done through agents but it costs some bit of money. I think if ur help is motivated enough to uplift her own life, she can study on her own at a slower pace, one subject at a time. That is i suppose the beauty of NOS. U can only show her the way and make opportunity available to her, grabbing? she has to do it.

All the best.

Mridu, I want to pass on my admiration for what you are doing for your maid. It's sad that she must endure so much harassment and needless bureaucracy, but I'm sure she is so thankful to have you and your husband supporting and encouraging her. There so many young women just like her in India, and while she faces a huge uphill battle, please keep encouraging her to stick with it. There are lots of us here on the forum rooting for her.

crvlvr wrote: I know of may who are completely thankless even after their clients have been overly benevolent.

slightly unrelated, yet a reflection on this (thoughts to ponder): is it not a higher form of giving to give to someone who is thankless? when you can simply give without expecting someone to stroke your ego back, is that not a higher form of benevolence?

i ask this because i am so generous to those who appreciate it and who show warmth and good-heartedness. yet the moment they cheat, lie, or steal (and my gardner is on my mind in this moment), i defensively clam up and hold back generousity. today his wife had a baby, he asked me for an advance to cover the hospital bills (500Rs) and i said "no" as he tries to cheat me and extract money from me left and right. it felt wrong to say "no," yet my guard is sky high with him.

feedback? (i've had similar issues with maids)

Another instance of instant Karma?