Inter-cultural marriage, any stories to share?

mirjamd

Thanks for all your useful information and encouragement (or slight disencouragement ) In a way Im happy that some of the problems flyraven has mentioned will not apply with my boyfriends' family. They are very relaxed apparently about Brahmin rules and they hardly twitched an eye when my boyfriend told about his white Christian Dutch girlfriend. My boyfriend said his mother will start complaining when I havent taken bath for a week (but i guess she wont be the only one then, especially with Chennai heat Havent met his extended family though....I guess we will stumble upon other things during the relationship that cant be foreseen. So thanks for the good advice on communication and thick skin...

icetea

Oh my, Chennai!! I honestly hope you'll like the place...(you can tell I don't).

And I'd say no mater how open-minded the in-laws might seem, avoid living under the same roof (or at least with the same kitchen..).

shashank.aggarwal

How come you have'nt met his in-laws ??

Ahh..you meant your in-laws...

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mirjamd

yes, i meant his extended family.... and i have already lived in Chennai for about 8 months (and that too in the godforsaken area called Mogappair...) and I somehow like the city.

I have many friends there, so that makes it a lot easier..

and noooo way we're going to live with his parents, I think they don't even like that idea

Nick-H

Is that near Ambattur?

I guess it could be pretty bleak in that district.

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mirjamd

It is near Ambattur, yes. Beyond Anna Nagar. It just very far from everything and the roads are HORRIBLE.. Am happy I do not have to live there again...

brownboy66

honestly - if you are both happy, nothing will touch you. At the end of the day the only person who matters is the person you want to send time with - everyone else is a spectator. oh...and don't forget to have fun...

Nick-H

My dear wife doesn't care how often, or when, I bath --- but she tells me when I smell.

Pretty good balance, I'd say!

Musk

No offence to anyone but make sure you and your husband live seperately!!! and you must still be prepared on a lot of compromise with your freedom... in all its forms!

lotus blossom

more and more couples are realizing that having enough of their own personal space is the only way that their relationship can work. true for feisty independent types, anyway. unity and independence seems to be the best mix for a healthy partnership. oh, and of course, equality.

most relationships tend to fluctuate between two extremes: or . it's probably when they reach a middle ground that they start maturing.

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amyl

... from the lady's in-laws . Joking!

All the Best!!

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edwardseco

You left out the the all before the word marriages and should delete "in India"..

Amyth

Yes absolutely! Married to a self professed MC from an orthodox Telugu Brahmin family, where what is good for the goose is not considered good for the gander, I soon found myself jousting whilst still cantering on the marriage-mare. He a seemingly broadminded Brahmin, I, a seemingly conservative north Indian, came together only to spawn lots of chaos, chemistry, and conflicts – language, festivals, dressing, food and values- and two lovely boys in the bargain!!

Homonyms added a lot of comic and frustrating moments to our life, like, “Pakto” in Hindi (language I speak) means- “THROW IT” and in Telugu it means- “HOLD IT”...can you imagine my plight, my mom-in-law handing over a little baby in my hands and ordering- PATKO!!

On the dinner table, my little boy says “CHALU” (enough in Telugu) to my mom on being asked for more food, and my mom immediately leaves the table grumbling , blaming me for having taught no manners to the little fella, as in Hindi, “CHALU” means a clever, guileful person!! Phew...

But we have reached a middle ground, I have learnt to speak in Telugu (so that nobody can abuse me and get away with it) and the rule in the house is while in Rome do as the Romans do. The mother language is spoken with the mother’s extended family and father language with father’s embedded family ...errr but do fathers get a chance to speak?! Thought for the day!!

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Nick-H

Amyth... your warmth and humour would, I'm sure, get you through anything

Amyth

Thanks Nick, but I wasn't complaining, if I by mistake gave that impression. Now, I enjoy Dosas with Chole and Sambar with Roti...infact I was aware of the "fission and fusion" even before I fell into the sambar ...oops Soup!