Customer trying to set me up

Indjun

So I was shocked to receive an email from someone at the company I will be managing telling me that he heard I was hoping to find my life partner in India and that they head had found one they’d like to introduce me to.

I do not want to mix my personal and professional life, furthermore, I am not of the arrangement mindset. I really need to get to know someone before making a lifelong commitment. This means getting to see how that person deals with the good times as well as the bad, and that only happens after the honeymoon is over.

I am quite flattered and surprised they took the time to look out for me. I can also imagine this is a very sensitive area – after all, they’ve taken the time to chose someone for me and rejecting them could be quite personal. How do I tell him I am not interested? Keep in mind I have to maintain a professional relationship with these folks.

Do I have to create some sort of personal relationship to be successful in business in India? I know it helps in practically all cultures, but I am just wondering if it’s critical in India.

Don’t get me wrong, I would love to meet new folk, but this would come with way too many strings attached and I don’t want my customer knowing how I broke some poor girl’s heart, God forbid.

capt_mahajan

First reaction, sure its not a joke?

Because if they are serious, it's not much of a business outfit.

While office romances are hardly unknown in India, this kind of thing is very unusual.

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Indjun

It's not a joke... and its also one of the largest conglomerates in India.

I've been working with these folks for a year now so I've built some rapport, and for them, I am way too old to not be married. This is the mentality I am trying to understand - how do I tactfully refuse, but not hurt feelings and still maintain good business relationship.

capt_mahajan

Thanks but no thanks?

If it is one of the largest conglomorates, it is a) surprising that they started off with this and b) will take the hint and c) will not let it impact business

Nick-H

Hmmm... interesting story.

I found no shortage of people who were willing to help in my search for a partner, although only one of them came up with anything concrete, which was a genuine proposal of a girl from within their family. Although I still have a couple of genuine and close friends within that family, some of them have never forgiven me for turning down the opportunity, or more specifically for not bringing my modest capital into their fold.

Just what is going on, on the scale of genuinely wishing to help/interfering busybody/palming off of difficult to marry girl/etc etc is something you may never discover.

If it was me, I would neither accept the situation as selfless well-wishing nor write it off as dodgy, but would, if I proceeded, keep my eyes wide open.

It may indeed be wiser to say, many thanks, but you would rather maintain a business-only relationship.

Captain: among the social rounds of business associates, entertaining colleagues at home, etc, is it so unusual for arranged marriages to occur? Question asked because I have no idea.

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capt_mahajan

No it isn't.
But for an organisation to do it, that too a big one, and with its COO and HR department involved, and (if I understand the OPs situation correctly) a company "I will be managing" (so it is in the future?)... is unusual.

Indjun

Let me clarify that I am not managing the company - just the relationship with them and my company.

Anyway, I thought it strange, and reading some of the posts, particulary 'The India Cinfusion' peice where they state that 'no' is not part of the Indian language, I thought I should tread lightly.

capt_mahajan

If you want to be circumspect, you could tell them you are seeing somebody...

Nick-H

Thanks Capt.

Yes... a very appropriate white lie, although previous conversation may have revealed your single status.

The guy's action may have arisen from some throw-away comment that he took seriously.

capt_mahajan

It looks like somebody in the organisation is trying to matchmake for somebody they know- maybe even somebody working there.

Yes, a previous conversation may have divulged his single status... but he could have recently met somebody on a flight from Miami to Bangalore (flight of fancy, literally, since location given is that)

Aishah

What an unusual thread! And fascinating! I thought at first a joke..Agree with all your thoughts Nick and Captain - another thought I had is it thought more appropriate for OP to be married and not of single status in the particular postition he is in? I think this is the strangest thing,Indjun, but I think a few white lies in this situation, politely delivered i.e. effuse thanks for their troubles etc!! (whilst you probably want to throttle them!!)but in the meantime you have a partner already in sight and am taking time to get to know each other, blah, blah, blah... On the other hand if you are intrigued, you could say all this and also agree to take a look at the girl. This is pretty customary - chaperoned glances and chat. You don't say at the time how you feel, through a 3rd party deliver the news, good, possible, absolutely frightful etc.! Normally it's parents who do this kind of arranging - I've never heard of company or workplace doing it unless through a contact with the parents.

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capt_mahajan

I would avoid seeing the girl, else when you refuse, it will be more embarrassing for all, and may complicate a business relationship.

Unless of course, it is love (or even lust) at first sight.

MangoKulfi

I don't know if saying he's involved with someone else is a good thing here. If they are that nosy or see themselves as that 'helpful' they may enquire in the future about his 'girlfriend' and how she is, bring her over for dinner etc, depending on his relationship with the company and its COO.

I think a 'sorry I don't mix business and pleasure' would be better in this case.

crvlvr

Capt is providing sound advice here. I would take it.

Nick-H

He isn't talking about pleasure --- he's talking about marriage!


As a one-time bore of a boss of mine would doubtless have responded!