Same Sex Couple Moving to Hyderabad?

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#1 Apr 11th, 2009, 02:11
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  • dltucker88 is offline
#1
Hi,

We are a female couple who have the chance for a rotational project in Hyderabad (up to 6 months). My partner will be working for her company in this city and I would be coming along for the term as well as our baby.

Is this a good idea? Will we be welcomed? Or should I just stay home?

We...how do I say....very much look like ladies and throughout all of our travels most people assume we are sisters.
She works with a number of Indian nationals who treat her with the utmost respect, but they don't know about 'us'.

I am just wondering if this is a project we should take on or say 'pass'.

I hope I can get some good answers on here, thanks.
#2 Apr 11th, 2009, 03:04
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#2
Without baby it would be easy to pass as friends. The baby issue brings up all those challenging questions. Depends on the circle you run in but Hyderabad is more conservative than you are used to..
#3 Apr 11th, 2009, 04:23
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#3
I think, generally, this concept of same sex couple(female couple specially) is so unheard of in cities like Hyderabad that passing off as friends/sisters/roommates won't be difficult. Even with the baby. All you need is to do is that not tell this to anybody and should be all fine.
#4 Apr 11th, 2009, 04:39
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The first question is where is the father.?
#5 Apr 11th, 2009, 06:49
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I think you should go, but remember that Indian people are a curious lot and will not hesitate to ask questions that might be deemed a bit personal. You should concoct a pat set of answers while recognizing (as Edward mentioned) that Hyderabad is a conservative city and some might hold your arrangement against you. Overall, I think the opportunity to experience 6 months in India should outweigh any possible negatives and it would be much better for the baby to have both partners in the picture.
#6 Apr 11th, 2009, 06:52
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#6
Quote:
Originally Posted by edwardseco View Post The first question is where is the father.?
My mum, who grew up in a society with similar mores, was a great believer in little 'white' lies to preserve the social niceties. A convincing yarn could easily amuse the teller and deflect the prurient ... provided one observes appropriate norms.

Despite having an acute insight into folk, like most straight people, she believed the cover of the gays in her village, even our rather 'thespian' (her word) vicar until he was entrapped by a personable man in the vice squad in the public toilets on Morecambe promenade ... and then after his conviction she, like most of his parishioner became a more tolerant and imho better person.

If my younger daughter, wee 'skunky' as I called her, could survive in Hyderabad for a year you, judging by your public profile, should have few if any problems. The cliche 'take it easy and play it cool' should be appropriate.
#7 Apr 11th, 2009, 07:11
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#7
There is at least one funny American in Hyderabad, who could help you settle in the city of Biryani.
#8 Apr 11th, 2009, 09:11
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#8
These answers are all honest and brilliant, thanks! Uncle_Martin, you really made me laugh!

We've basically come up with 2 options to nosey questions:

(1) When asked where's the father: He's dead. Nothing stops a conversation faster than stating that someone died.
(2) Being honest. This is fine in this country, but even here there are some really conservative regions where it's just easier to blend in. I just don't know how much hassle I want to go through in India just to be honest.

I'd rather people like me for who I am and not who I sleep with, so I'll probably go with option #1.
Also, we have the same last name....so it would be super easy for my partner to say her 'sister' came along to take care of 'her' baby.
Seems pretty fool-proof and hassle-free to me.
#9 Apr 11th, 2009, 09:29
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This is a country where people have lived happily for years murdering women and children and stuffing them into sewers. Indians will tolerate anything if you don't rub their noses in it. What we have here is an old-fashioned troll.
New home for my photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/abracax/
#10 Apr 11th, 2009, 09:39
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#10
Quote:
Originally Posted by dltucker88 View Post (1) When asked where's the father: He's dead. Nothing stops a conversation faster than stating that someone died.
(2) Being honest. This is fine in this country, but even here there are some really conservative regions where it's just easier to blend in. I just don't know how much hassle I want to go through in India just to be honest.

I'd rather people like me for who I am and not who I sleep with, so I'll probably go with option #1.
I wouldn't exactly call the demise of your beloved husband a "white lie". A lie should be as low impact as possible, i.e. not have a negative impact on the recipient or you. The easy lie, taking into consideration that you are only there for a few months anyway, is that your husband stayed behind because he has an important job that doesn't allow him time off. This is completely plausible for an Indian. Also, you don't risk unwanted attention from Indian men wanting to marry a foreign widow.
#11 Apr 11th, 2009, 10:13
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#11
Quote:
Originally Posted by abracax View Post This is a country where people have lived happily for years murdering women and children and stuffing them into sewers.
Right on !!
#12 Apr 11th, 2009, 10:52
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#12
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Originally Posted by edwardseco View Post Hyderabad is more conservative than you are used to..
Actually, No. Na.

There are secrets..........unrevealed to pharangs.

Including:
Biryani Virgin Bow wow(e)ls
Honest Dead fathe..

Oh, heck.. Why is every one finding this such a strange idea? No one has ever heard of Hijdas?
#13 Apr 11th, 2009, 11:00
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Many widowed older women are actually divorced..
#14 Apr 11th, 2009, 11:48
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#14
True.
#15 Apr 11th, 2009, 12:38
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#15
Simple ans
1. You must come
2. You must make up a good story and have it well rehearsed.
3. Ensure that the sis act passes in public, if you know what i mean. You domestic help / driver etc will all watch observe and talk so keep that in mind.
4. Ensure that you put up in the most cosmo/ modern part of town . It will be less conservative/ See if you can find where most of the IT/BPO crowd stays. They are mostly in their 20s and "everything goes" there and usually no one will bother you.

Overall , whilst i agree with Indian "curiosity" as long as you can keep up pretenses no one will really bother you.

Cheers
Sam
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