The Great Adventure of a Cockroach From N.Y.

We often talk bout foreigners tripping down this brown country, hating it or loving it or whatever. Some find salvation in India, some salivation for Indian food (eventually they end up with the exact meaning of popular term "delhi belly").Number of them hunt on for some holy divinity, while touts hunts numerous of them.Finally, after the most testing time of their stay, they retun with an audio volume of their numerous adventures. While some bargain they luxury for this " know yourself" journey again, others still can't believe they had spent their currency in watching peoplepissing on the streets. But somewhere down the line, this brown country always happen to blow away their "comfort character" the either way.

The other day, I had this unusual thought as usual. Imagine how a cockroach from NY would feel on landing in India and meeting the swarming populationof native ones. Interesting insight to the world of critters, I'd say. Now this cockroach from NY has spent his life in the kitchen of a grand Hotel,richer than his relatives who live in some creepy motel in a desert landscape. The flight to India was luxurious. He happened to book the cosmetic box of her House Lady. The turbulence hardly detered his spirits while he rubbed some make up on himself, polised his wings in some flashing pink powder. By the time, the plane landed in the Delhi airport runaway, Mr Roach decided he looked stunning and the natives would be bowled out instantly.
The natives however had the other idea.

As her House Lady hopped out of the plane, Mr Cockroach surveyed the scene anxiously. Hot sun menanced his existence. Shit!! He forgot his hat again.
"Holy Christ!! Is this a country or a calamity??" he shrieked, cursing his House Lady for selecting this part of planet for vacation.An indian houseflybuzzed by staring at him.
"Huh." whispered Mr. Roach " Possibly never saw a foreigner." He wondered if he could dive back in the handbag and search for some sun screen.
It was dangerously hot outside. However he was quite aware of his House Lady's handbag. He often co-related it with some Cambodian warzone sprouted with landmines. Once he was caught in a flash flood of L'Oreal left uncapped. It took him ages to wriggle out of mountain of cream and he smelled disguting for days. He couldn't risk it in alien land. No way. Period.

Soon he was travelling in some wierd metal box under her House Lady's luggages. "Auto rickshaw" He heard her lady calling it. The ride was horrible, theluggage case almost crashed over him at times. Peekin out, he felt the gust of hot thick smokey air.
"Jesus Christ, its a f***cking oven out here", he felt
disgusted. He sneaked a look at his House Lady who sat trembling in a corner muttering some "God, save me verses". Apparently, it was her first Auto rickshawride, and so was his.
He stared at the driver. " Dude, you think you are 'Jason Statham' or what!!! I don't want to die in a road accident for worst" he screamed.

Finally the hell ride halted. Mr Roach jumped in the luggage before it was picked up. Inside the luggage, everything wad dark. He sniffed the compartment. Shit,he landed in the underwear section. Things were terribly wrong for him. He longed the smooth towel on his skin. The towel which smelled of Shampoo, a lillte damp, warm and heavenly. Outside, he could feel the swaying of the luggage case. Someone was carrying it somewhere.
"Guess, its time to hit the sack. Hope the hotel is
good." He whispered to himself, while swinging on something which felt like a pantyhose.

Zipp!! the luggage was zipped wide open. Mr Roach dashed for a hideout. He was a big Bruce Willis fan and jumping, skidding, flying across was in built in his genes.Bumping on a soft cotton, he gave a somersault before diving in for a hideout beneath the perfume box.
" Boy, I love action" he smiled. It was a long time since he smiled.
However the action continued. After parkouring through the compartment, eventually he flew out of the luggage case and crashed on the bed. Alert, he surveyed the scene.
His House Lady was getting ready for shower.
"Jeez!!" He turned his gaze. Respect your Owner- had always been his motto.

The bathroom slammed shut and Mr Roach realized that he was the sole owner of the entire room and its accessories. Next few moment, he spend bungee jumping around to get his leg joints back in action. The room was aweful, and smelled of rotten wood. Mr Roach was proud to be the cleanest cockroach in his neighbourhood.
"Hi jumping Joe" someone exclaimed. Mr. Roach was caught unaware and stunned. He had a intruder. Turning around, he found this tiny creature from the jurrassic ages. Itwas a native bed bug.
"You.. Is there a thing called privacy??" he gave a sarcastic nod.
"You look like a cockroach, a wierd one. Are you??" the bug replied timidly.
"Hell I am. I'm from NY by the way."
"I'm from the second last pillow from your left. They call me Chotu. Are you a tourist??
"Chotu?? What kind of name is that, huh. I'm Mr Roach."
"Nice to meet you Mr. Roach. Do you mind getting off the bed. Its the village's property and our people aren't welcome to strangers."
"Look tiny Chotu, my House Lady has booked this entire apartment. Do you understand that. WE HAVE BOOKED YOUR VILLAGE right now"
"Our people don't mind sharing the bed with your House Lady Sir, but foreigner critters are prohibited here."
" Call me Mr, Roach. We aren't in good terms, are we, lil bro. Anyways, this bed isn;t too comfortable for me either. No camouflage around"
"You can always use Kitchen. Cockroaches loves that, isn't."
"Depends, do they have A.C there?"
"Never travelled that far, Mr Roach. Give it a try. By the way, whats A.C??"
"Huh, forget it. Now listen, my House Lady will walk out of bathroom door right now. Respect her. Close your eye, until she is fully dressed"
"That doesn't excite us anyways."
"Good for you. So we have a deal."
"Is she juicy??"
"Shut up blood sucker. She isn't used to bed bugs. Try her and she's gonna smash you."
"We have some experienced workers. Alert, active and spontaneous."
"I'd imagine so. My House Lady is a heavy drinker. I'm afraid you all gonna die. Her blood is poisonous."
"I understand you concern Mr. Roach. Do not worry, we are hard working natives. We'll suck blood only for our vital needs. We aren't greedy."
"Poisonous blood is a risk. Your entire population will be wiped out."
"Blood of a drunkard gives us awesome 'Kick'. We love that."

The door creaked open and the House lady walked out in towel. Mr. Roach dived between the crack on the bedside.
Chotu smiled at the Lady." its juicy, guys" he chuckled and disappeared beneath the pillows.
"Bastard!!" fumed Mr. Roach. "Didn't close his eyes"

It was afternoon and after a light nap at the dish cupbaord, Mr Roach decided a stroll in the kitchen. Cracking his knuckles, he surveyed the scene. Water dripped off the broken
sink, the windows had a mess of spider webs. He wasn't very frinedly with spiders. The huge gas cylinder in the corner looked perfect playground for night. He could slide on the concave surface,swing on the plug threads and a steep climbing would be fun. It was hot and terrible humid around. Mr. Roach decided to have his sleep as Refridgrator later.
"Gotcha boy" someone exclaimed. Mr Roach almost fell out of the cup board.
"For Christ sake, who are you" he exclaimed.
"I'm local. You are a foreigner, aren't you?" a dirty looking cockroach smiled it him.
" Yes, I'm. Dude ,you stink like hell."
"Oh, just has a walk in the toilet sink for a while."
"Disgusting. I'm Mr. Roach."
"Whatever, how long you gonna stay."
"Who knows. My House Lady doen't consult me for vacations."
"I bet she doesn't. You look fo frail, had food??"
"I'm on a diet, my Girl Friend want me to stay fit."
"Poor you. I'm Chatta. They call cockroaches Tel-Chatta here."
"I can't even pronounce it I'm afraid"
"Call me whatever you want, man. Glad you came around."
"Thanks. Are you alone."
"Alone, are you kidding me. We have an entire tribe here. My grandfather lives with family at shoe rack, brother's at sink, ahave few friend's at Chimney too."
"Are you Serious!! I always thought cockroaches were on verge on extinction. I hardly see them around in NY nowadays."
"Welcome to India hehe."
"Is your tribe friendly??"
"Depends on your attitude. They want respect."
"Well I've some of those."
"That's what the last foreigner cockroach tod us. That f***er flirted with one of our girls."
"Gosh! That terrible."
"Yeah we tied him to the Baygon Spray Nozzle. They blew the hell out of him."
"F**k. Thats crazy."
"Anyways, we have a party tonight at Dining Table. Its a whole gathering there. Do you have any idea when your Lady leaves at night??
"She doesn't consult that either."
"Hehe... don't mind dropping by. You're always welcome."
"Cool."

Chatta walked merrily back to some crevices on wall, while Mr. Roach blew out an air. The Great Indian Adventure had started.
to be continued.................

I would take an experince like this over the travesty that was flying into India in an Indian airlines.....

unruly passengers...rude hosts and hostesses....and all this coupled with a flight that arrived several hours late and the cherry on top they lost one of our baggage and when we called customer service about it they courteously gave us the middle finger via indifference....it has been 8 months now with no hide or tail of our lost baggage...

oh India....it is all fluff isn't it....

I was once asked to open one of my bags for inspection when flying out of Chennai airport. I'm glad I was: a cockroach jumped out! It would have hated the London climate



But, actually, USA is probably more used to bed bugs than India is!

Started flying with little sparrow, then roamed with ghosts and now crawling with NY cockroach !!!

Oh!!! abhishekizy you are genius!!!

Enjoyed it.
Awaiting how the party goes

Thanks guys.

Duronto, yup I guess Cockroach from N.Y would be funny idea. Is it?
Well, new traveller I'm just getting for the party recipe... wait and watch bro

Mr. Roach scurried over the spoon at the table left over. Honey dripping all over was one of the most inviting leftovers he ever dreamt of. "Nothing, tastes better" he whispered, giving himself to tummy pleasue. Hardly did he notice, the honey can tripped on the side. It expired last year..... Hell no, nothing expires in India.
His lady sat on the couch watching "kyunki SaaS bhi kabhi bahu thi", something which she neever understood. However she would mercy a sudden token of laugh when she would find something hilarious in the most melodramatic show of India. Mr. Roach slipped through the cracks on the sofa, just besides his lady. He wondered if some really colourful ladies with dazzling gold necklaces and huge bindis on their forehead would ever intrigue him. He decided it didn't, though he had this growing affections for Indian chicks in him. The only problem was that they wear too much. A full blown Saree could put the egyptian mummies to shame.
"Hi Adam, Jesus, I thought u would never ring me, honey" whispered his lady on phone.
Mr Roach had this huge dilike for Adam, his lady's fifth boyfriend. Fourth one was better, at least he wouldn't wipe up refrigerator every morning in one gulp without any leftovers. Adam was foodie, a punk and smelled like a rotten egg. Sadly, his lady was content with a boyfriend with so un delighting features.
"India is incredible, hon. You'll miss it. You should have been here, romancing me in front of Taj Mahal, instead of f***king around with your never ending projects".
"liar" muttered Mr. Roach as he climbed over the tv remote. She hadn't even stepped out of her room. Incredible India... Wad a lie!!
He tried jumping over number seven button on remote wondering if some miracle happen and the screen pops up with maroon5 playing the latest billboard sensation. He was a huge Adam Levine fan.... He hated the other Adam tHough.
"hope ou aren't screwing your Secretary over there" his lady giggled.
"I Bet he is...." Mr Roach gave a disgused look.

It was eight in evening with Indian winter seeking in. The room heater never existed . Mr Roach yawned and sneeked over her Lady. Ahh, finally she was dressing up for somewhere. Maybe a party tonight.
"ahem...." Mr. Roach turned around. It was Chotu, the bug and the bugger.
"hell... Don't you sneak at me" Mr. Roach muttered.
"hello Mr. Roach. Your lady looks gorgeous in her red inners. Hats off", Chotu smiled.
"Shut up and stop watching. She is changing, you voyeuristic bug"
"You were watching her too, dude"
"Was I?"
"without missing out a blink. At least I closed my eyes when she wasn't in her inners"
"forget it. Where were u all this evening??"
"On the battlefield, sir"
"What the hell you are talking about. There ain't no battlefield here".
"THere wasn't. I was on my guard at my post on sofa when things turned dark and battlesome"
"What crap u talking about?"
"Your lady's ass, sir. It landed right over me. Grace to my military skills, I survived the darkest hour"
" Ha Ha... Crazy. She sat over you"
"Not so funny. You American eats a lot, don't you? She weighs a freaking ton. My first encounter with an American ass wasn't too friendly"
"serves you good...hehe"
"I must say it was soft though"
"shut up. Do you happen to see Chatta. He invited me to party tonight"
"I don't deal with cockroaches. Anyways, I guess I'm going for a fat party too"
"really.... A bug party?"
" An American party. Now let me hurry before your lady gets her tops on"
"Wa...wait a minute. Are you gonna plunge in her dress"
" Wasn't much of a guess. The whole tribe is on board".
"What! Don't you dare"
"Watch me". In an instant, Chotu dissapeared in the thick mess of velvet gown. Mr. Roach watched in disbelief. There wasn't something called private space in India.

It was almost an hour since his Lady left and Mr. Roach was going drowsy. Everyone went for party stranding him alone. He felt sad and homesick.
"hello Mr. Roached" Chatta whistled as he fluttered from somewhere. He did some admirable air borne stunts before crash landing right on floor.
" Watch out mate. Out wings aren't really meant for flying". Mr. Roach scurried over.
"next time, tell me before I go airborne.... Ouch my head"
"Is it still on. The party?"
"oh yeah... Pretty much. Just came to pick you over. I hope you remember the rules Mr. Roach"
" Do not flirt with girls. Right"
"good memory huh. Lets walk over.

Mr. Roach was stuck at the party premises. The spot glittered of tiny L.E.Ds. Music was loud and exhilarating and the crowd was thumping. The party was inside a broken music box which wasn't turned off. The junk still played on.
"Wow...exceeds my expectations"
"watch the crowd.... All young teenagers. Welcome to the most happening of the town"

The duo rushed in.
numerous bootylicious girls swayed on the mix stance of marijuana and gin. The music. Never heard of, was heavenly.
" Christ. Its a hippy's paradise. How do you arrange these weed stuffs dude" Mr. Roach screamed over the loud music, trying to gyrate with the comparatively young crowd.
" We just chewed off some stuffs from your Lady's bag. She is one hell of a doper, I must say" Chatta laughed out, pulling a girl out of crowd.
" Babe, how bout a tango" he gave a sly smile.
" Thats a theft.... But yeah a nice one" smiled Mr. Roach, reaching out for some drinks.
The waitress was hot.
" Hey Babu, never saw you before" she smiled seductively.
" yeah... Yeah. I'm from America. First time" stammered Mr. Roach thinking bout the rules. No flirting.
" Ohhh... So do u like it", she fluttered her wings, giving her chest a thrust... A killer thrust. " I mean the party" she smiled again.
" Its awsome... Its relishing"
" Then relish, before it turns cold..... The party".
" Hey...ar...are u single? I mean are u busy"
" I'm single and yeah I am too busy with you."
The rules... The rules, wondered Mr. Roach.
"hey, listen handsome. I'm at the Barbie's house on shelf. Would like to meet you there. Come soon"
"Of course.... I'll be there." The waitress walked over seductively. Mr. Roach looked over. He could see the Barbie house barely a walk away.

" Oh f**k. I'm sorry" one of a drunk one almost crashed on Mr. Roach, spilling his drink all over.
" Its alright. Don't worry" Mr. Roach smiled.
The drunk turned back. " Oh my god! You are a white. Never expected one"
" Nice to meet you. I'm Mr. Roach".
"Where is your Mrs." the drunk staggered.
" Sorry I'm single"
" What? I thought I could dance with a white chick tonight. How can you be single"
" Unfortunate for you, iam. Now will you excuse me..."
"Hey mate... Wanna have some weeds. I have some"
" Oh no.... I ain't much into it."
" Come on... Don't be an uncle. Here, chew this one. Don't you want to look cool in front of these hot ladies". He pullled out a handful of marijuana.
The offer was lusty. Mr. Roach accepted it instantly. He had never doped before.
A Couple of chews and a gulp and it was all in. The drunk had disappeared somewhere.

" Look here... Someone is on high" laughed Chatta as he bumped on Mr. Roach. He still held two girls on his either side.
Mr. Roach was already seeing stars. He strained his sight. He could see CHatta dancing his heart out. His vision was blurring. Out of no where, tom & jerry ran everywhere... His legs felt soft... His whiskers flying... Angels all around him, teasing and pullling him over.

To be continued

Could have potential as a sequel to "Joe's Apartment"..

Thanks Ed.... Will watch the movie some day. Didn't hear it before unless its the one where the cockroaches dances in unison, in a rest room... Is it??

"Remember... Remember the 1st of Nov" whispered Mr. Roach. He could see V engaged in a sword fight... And he ripped off the shirt from Catherine Zeta Jones bosom. Wait a minute.... V shouldn't be fighting Zorro's wife, that not the part of his vendetta stuffs. MR. Roach tried to rewind his vision. Horrified, he landed 'behind enemy line'.
" Thats a tripwire... Don't...." he squealed. And the explosion went off. Mr. Roach found himself crashing through a thick foliage. Injured and adamant, he resurfaced out of the bushes and alas, he was in jurrassic land. Few raptors were flirting with the female ones....one of them even had his feet manicured. Devastated, Mr. Roach rushed for a Harley davison but the ghost rider couldn't stop swinging his burning chain. He was panicking over a lil rat playing with his shoe laces.
" Christ, its the ice age. Manny, save me" Mr. Roach dashed ahead blindly.

The Waitress watched the entire phenomena with wide eyes. She hadn't doped before so she apparently had no clue about the happenings in Mr. Roach's tiny Brian. All she could do was watch with some iconic 'oh my gawd' expressions.
"Mr. Roach. Are u nuts? Stop running around and dashing on me trees. Its trespassing and you gonna blow yourself to bits."
Mr. Roach gave a cold smile. Manny left with his 'queen latifa' voice over girlfriend and someone just crushed Sid with a glacier. It was the acorn obssessed squirrel. So huh, finally he turns a villian in this franchise.
"Mr. Roach, are u okay. You are freaking me out. Are you drunk?"
"Nah... Na na no my princess, I'm good. Do I look like a green ogre?"
"Green what????"
"Jesus!! Your b**bs looks so 3D".
" 3D?? Ah... The cup size u mean..eh"
"Will you kiss me princess. I'm a prince cursed to be a frog. Kiss me and I'll be prince again"
"You ain't a frog duffer... You are a cockroach, a white one"
" A cockroach??? Eww... Thats not what the fairytale says"
"bullshit. You needs a psychologist. Indian climate has ruined the chemicals of your brain"
" India?? I thought the name was 'incredible India'. Will you romance me infront of Taj Mahal?"

The waitress gave a dismayed look. She had never seen a mentally challenged cockroache before. Mr. Roach was already launching to sleep. He could barely keep his eyes open, still complaining bout stingy ghostrider. She dragged him inside the doors of her Barbie house and the darkness followed.

Mr. Roach blinked his eyes open. A streak of sunlight blinded his immediate vision. He felt warm and naked. Naked!!! He sprang back to his senses. The waitress slept beside him, completely naked.
"Honey," she moaned in sleep.
"Holy f**k!!" Mr. Roach exclaimed. " Where am I?? Why are we naked"
"Oh well, next time, we'll do it with dress on. I didn't knew you are so shy"
" What!!! Did we do it!!!! Oh m God"
" You were animal, baby. See these bites" waitress smiled.
" Unbelievable"
"But I guess age is giving up on you. You should start using some energy pills"
"Stop it plz, I've no idea how everything happened". Chatta's warning rang in his mind. DON'T FLIRT WITH HIS GIRLS!!! He didn't, he just slept with one.
Jumping off his bed, hiding his assets with his tiny hands, he peeped through the window

A huge notice hung in a nearby shelf.
WANTED: A white American named "Mr. Roach. Dead or Alice.
Mr. Roach froze in fright.

Not the same I believe so there is another film I need to hunt down, harder since Netflix was gutted..

Thank God! Some movement took place...

had thought, Mr. Roach was lost somewhere. Hope, frozen state would be released s o o o o o o n...

Nice story Your main character really IS a character. I'll try to remember that roaches have feelings too when I get to India. The end part was very trippy...I hope Mr. Roach makes it out okay!

Thanks Voiletfriday, Prakaant. I'll make sure our roaches doesn't disappear agn.
@ Ed: then guess I didnt see joe's apartment. Wil try....

Guys, forgive the typo errors....just read my own post and there are lotsof them. The keypad of my phone doesn't like my fingers much...