most people hate India

But what is after all what foreigners most love about India?

It's usually the family life, the manner in which religion still imbibes every aspect of everyday life, the well preserved ancient customs that are still in use even in large metros, the unspoiled landscapes, all in all the complex yet simple life that people lead here.

But all these are after all things that once existed but faded in the western world, that is, US and western europe, especially in large metros. Some people feel nostalgic about them, and for some the artificial, sterile, aloof environment created by modern civilisation makes them feel like their life as being slightly empty and devoided of meaning. For this species, India is the complete opposite, and offers the whole array of things-long-gone in the western world.

The well-adapted westerner will probably hate india. It's rather the "missfits" that love it. The ones who find that something essential is missing from their world. The hippy, the restless, the curious, the excentric, the nostalgic, etc. The one's that are in search of something to fill in the gaps with.

But then there are so many other places in this world, apart from US and western europe, where tradition hasn't faded all that much yet, where families still keep close contact, where customs and religion still have a role to play in their life and where nature is still mostly unspoiled. For these people, the closely-knit Indian family, religion, customs, etc. is not so much of an eye opener as for alienated western metro-dwellers. I myself am not at all in awe about these things, I simply find them to be slightly extreme and I believe that the close Indian family life is in fact much less charming in real life than it looks from an outsider's point of view and creates lots of problems. Only, unlike us, they don't show them. The duty of preserving decency in apparences prevails.

What mostly bothers me in India (besides, of course, the filth in the streets and the dirty [yet not "impure", lol!] habits of people, like spitting, free nose-blowing, shitting/pissing, burping, farting in most public places, etc) is that I think most behaviours come from a sense of religious/societal/familial duty, rather than genuine care. I believe Indians are largely unbothered at heart by most of the things they jump for. What sets them in motion, whether it's about helping someone, giving alms, cleaning something, performing some custom, striving for something, is many times just DUTY. Duty towards God or towards family, ancestors, etc. (In this respect, I find Indian society to be far more artificial than its western counterpart. At least there they dont even pretend to care. They just walk by.)

Indians have a tendency to bow their head very easily in front of any possible form of authority, be it a god or even a clerk, a movie star, a white-skin, a superior nation, an elder family member, a wealthy or otherwise important member of the community. Since these have something that they consider to be superiour to them, they must have deserved it by birth, for good deeds in a previous life, and thus, they must be superiour beings, quite worthy of being worshiped. Maybe by bowing their head in front of them they will also save a few "good marks" for their next reincarnation, who knows.

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All in all, as someone above said, in India, it is not about hating it or accepting things, it's about learning to tolerate them. In fact, this is the attitude of many Indians also. You'd be under the impression that they are perfectly ok with others shitting in the street, since they walk by unperturbed. Yet, if you ask, you might find out that they are rather equidistant: they don't blame (and thus, they dont try to change it either), and they dont aprove either. Maybe it's this attitude that makes changes to take place so slowly in indian civilisation. Luckily for us, since it's precisely the ancientness of everything, starting with customs, that we love here, mixing so strangely with modernity.

P.S. I totally agree with the post above.

Honestly, I love the smoky haze of India. Sure I don't have asthma nor am I compelled to live there, but I love the pollution. I love the noise and crowds and bustle too. Again I do not have to live there so its OK for me to find it romantic. But I would live in India if I could.

I noticed another questionable use of the word "civilised" in another thread where the poster was talking about drinking tea (ie. associating civilization with Englishness)...

Well, I am surprised that you are bothered about someone doing their duty If all of us did ours, the world would be a better place. Some are ethical duties ( like the ones you mentioned above) and some are financial( like your work etc). Just as it is the duty of the people to work as per their company's guidelines to earn a salary, so do many Indians feel that it is their duty as part of a family to help one other out. And duty without care will be horrible as everyone knows. There are people in India who are just as unbothered as the westerners( that you claim). People who really care about their family/relegion think of it as a duty about what they do and it is not duty without care Anyway, this might be totally out of topic

You are perfectly right, but we all tend to do that, to put our own norms at the center of what we call "civilised". It's obviously relative. Indians would say that washing ur mouth and spitting in the sink after having food, even if it's the kitchen sink, is a civilised thing to do, while I wouldn't quite agree...

Well, a totally negative beginning has led to the exchange of so many interesting observations and ideas ---an IM phenomena.

It occurs to me that for most of the 35 years I lived in London I would have said that I hated the place. Further enquiry would have revealed that I really liked the area that I lived in, and yes, there were many good things about the city...

I do wonder, if Feliz's reaction to India was so strongly negative, why she has not just forgotten all about it. Why is she still here on IM? (I'm not saying she shouldn't be, or is unwelcome, or shouldn't post about negative issues..).

Good points, IceTea. I could go even further and say that it is often not even duty: it is tradition and, even, superstition. One of my best friends is telling me she can't come to my wedding because her husband has to be away and she won't go out in the evening without him (it is only two streets away) --- what kind of bullshit is that?

Again, there are two sides to this: sometimes I love this tradition, it makes me feel warm and comfortable. Other times I get fed up with being told not to buy things in a Tuesday, don't do this or that after 6.00pm, etc etc etc.

The thing about India being scary I just do not understand. And yet, only eight years ago I found India scary!

Yes, India is dirty, I guess: but Indian people, excepting the poorest, are not dirty. The Indian way of keeping oneself and ones clothes clean, but allowing the buildings to fall down around you is, kind of, just what I always did living in UK (ask my neighbours!)

Yogagal: This year negative; next year accepting; maybe the following year curious? I bet that husband comes with you one day!

i am learning about this issue of superstition with indians. i think that it may have some very negative ramifications for them.

nick - i cannot come to your wedding because i am a few continents away, but sure would like to be there. cheers!

Some superstitions may seem silly and perhaps redundant ...

But some are not ... perhaps a new thread on this?

How about not buying Iron/steel on Saturdays, another strange supestition huh!!

That might be strange but is very strong superstition.
Saturday is called "Shani-vaar" in Hindi ("shani" as in "money")
Shani is a god of destruction and is said to reside in Iron. So on that day we donate iron so that all the bad luck goes away with it. Also you will see a lot of boxes lying around in the cities with a black iron statue sticking out of it. If you look closely, that box will be filled with mustard oil and coins. All this to make the god "Shani" happy

Thanks a lot for that phantom now I understand!! Great explanation I wonder if my mate is aware of all this (many superstitions are followed with understanding their background)

What about different colours for different days of the week, any clues on that????

Those colors are the colors of the gods.
i dont know all of them..but a few are.
Black -- Shani-Vaar (Saturday)
Saffron -- Mangal-Var (Tuesday)
Yellow -- Brihaspati-Var (Thursday)

Thanks again, my education is again furthened, just another lifetime or three and Ill understand this great country of yours!!

India would be better than my suburb at the moment. I live in Cronulla where there is riots going on.

It would be way safer to be India right now. Funny about that really because next time I go overseas and somebody worries about me going I will mention the Cronulla riots.

Also just step out of Delhi and visit some other places, I found Delhi very overwhelming as a first time visitor to India.