Joke for the day!! (part deux)

Found this interesting post on FB.

A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper.

He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!!

Glasgow cop says, "Licence and registration, please."
London Lawyer says, "What for?"
Glasgow cop says, "Ye didnae come to a complete stop at the stop sign."
London Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."
Glasgow cop says, "Ye still didnae come to a complete stop. Licence and registration, please"
London Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"
Glasgow cop says, "The difference is, ye huvte come to complete stop, that's

the law, Licence and registration, please!"
London Lawyer says, "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop,

I'll give you my licence and registration and you give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and
don't give me the ticket."
Glasgow cop says, "Sounds fair. Exit your vehicle, sir."
The London Lawyer exits his vehicle.
The Glasgow cop takes out his baton and starts beating the living sh*t out of the lawyer and

says, "Dae ye want me to stop, or just slow doon?"

Another one from FB.

Someday a child asks his father "How was I born?"

His DAD was a software engineer. He replied in his style.

He says, "Someday I met your mom on a chat room of Rediff, for the first time. Then, we fix a date via email and we met at a cyber cafe. We sneaked in a secluded room where your mom becomes ready to download a file from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we find that no one of us had used firewall. It was too late to hit "delete" button."

"Six weeks later, your mom send me an instant message saying that her operating system showing a message an unauthorized program is accessed on her BIOS."

Nine months later, a little pop-up appeared and showed, "You’ve got MALE".

Mod Note
The last joke was merged into this pre-existing Joke thread!

@ soulandyoga

good one.

FB one!

Ahem!!

Conversely:

I posted that one in its pre FB form eons ago... i feel old now

Naaaah, please don't feel that way! It's your jokes along with those posted sometime back by ebby, sagarneel, aarosh and a few others too, makes my FB homepage more interesting to my friends !!

People with great sense of humor never grow old !

A little old lady entered the sex shop and asked in a quivering voice, "Yy-young man, dd-do y-you sell-dildos h-here?"

The salesman, somewhat taken aback by the little old lady's appearance in his shop, answered

"Uh, yes, ma'am. We do."

The little old lady, holding her quivering hands about 10 inches apart asked, "D-do y-you ha-aave any ab-bb-bout th-this l-long?"

"Well, yes ma'am, we do. We have several that size."

Forming a 5" circle with her fingers, she then asked, "A-are an-nny ofth-them about thi-is b-big ar-round-d?"

"Well... Yes, a few of them are about that big."

"D-do aa-ny of th-them ha-ave a vv-ii-bra-a-ator?"

"Yes, Ma'am, one of them does."

"W -Wel-ll, h-how d-do y-you t-turn it off?"

see video in foot ball match horror
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/arti...yers-hand.html

On their way to get married, a young Catholic couple were involved in a fatal
car accident. The couple found themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates
waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven.
When St. Peter arrived they asked him if they could get married in Heaven.
St. Peter said, "I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked. Let me
go find out," and he left.
The couple sat and waited for an answer - for a couple of months.
While they waited, they discussed the pros and cons. If they were allowed
to get married in Heaven, should they get married, what with the eternal aspect
of it all? "What if it doesn't work? Are we stuck in Heaven together forever?"
Another month passed. St. Peter finally returned, looking somewhat
bedraggled. “Yes," he informed the couple, "You can get married in Heaven."
"Great!" said the couple. "But we were just wondering; what if things don't
work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?"

St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slammed his clipboard on the ground.
"What's wrong?" asked the frightened couple.

"OH, COME ON!!!" St. Peter shouted. "It took me 3 months to find a priest
up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it'll take to find a lawyer???"