Joke for the day!! (part deux)

A man was celebrating his 110th birthday. Reporters of the town gathered and asked him about the secret of such a long life. The man replied 'Look! I have never drunk in my life, neither came in contact with any woman. In a nutshell, I have led a very disciplined life.....'.

Suddenly, there was noise of someone shouting upstairs. The reporters, a little uncomfortable now, enquired about the noise. "Oh! That's my dad' the man replied 'He is a pain. He is 140 and still drinks every evening and creates a fuss to go out and meet his girl friend" !!

It is a good idea of long happy marriage.

a broken tooth under the pillow gets one a visit from the tooth fairy... so... ummm... never mind. I'll reserve my question.

I looked for a joke at internet because today is not a joke here. But I am not sure if you will like it. It is not a good joke.

Hey you, how are men and dogs similar?
You can train them easily by controlling their "animal instincts".

A public school teacher was arrested today at John F. Kennedy International airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator. At a morning press conference, Attorney General Eric Holder said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-Gebra movement. He did not identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

‘Al-Gebra is a problem for us’, the Attorney General said.. ‘They derive solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in search of absolute values .’ They use secret code names like ‘X’ and ‘Y’ and refer to themselves as ‘unknowns’, but we have determined that they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, ‘There are 3 sides to every triangle’.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Obama said, ‘If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, he would have given us more fingers and toes.’ White House aides told reporters they could not recall a more intelligent or profound statement by the President – It is believed that another Nobel Prize will follow.”

:brishti

This is a true story I read years ago in Reader's Digest (in the humour in Uniform coloumn):

A group of paratropers were doing their regular practice. It was starting to get dark, and by the time they jumped and finally landed it was completely dark. They were dressed in their usual attire...the paragliding suit and helmets with dafety lights fiied on them. They landed on a barren area and could see a solitary house at distance. The reached the hose and knocked the door and an elderly lady appeared.

"Which place is this?" enquired a paratrooper
The perplexed lady stammered and replied "Earth"!!

I read this one as well. At least i think i did. hmm... maybe... i'm not too sure.... nope don't remember, but it was funny

Sure it was.

A good looking man walked into an agent's office in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie star." Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you."

"So be it! I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.

Five years later ...... The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck, who would possibly send him $50,000?

He reads the letter enclosed...

Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed to change my name. Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Holly-wood with a name like Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I decided you were right. I had to change my name. I had too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent. I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice.

Sincerely,

Dick van Dyke

Why men shouldn't write advice columns.

An older man, not in the best physical condition, asked the trainer in the gym, "I want to impress that beautiful girl. Which machine should I use?"

The trainer replied...

"Use the ATM machine outside the gym!"

Have you heard the one about the bed?

Hmm... probably because its not been made yet?

Great post Capt, don't be surprised if I steal it and post it elsewhere.