Joke for the day!! (part deux)

you missed the joke.

A devar (brother-in-law) comes home and slaps his bhabhi (sister-in-law). The bhabhi complains to the husband. The husband confronts his brother and asks why did he slap his wife. The brother replied while coming back from work I asked 4 different people whom where they speaking on the phone. They replied your bhabhi.

Got caught up in the riots in LONDON. Manage to get out their way by jumping into the JobCentre. Knew they would never go in there!

I was so depressed last night thinking about the economy, wars, jobs, my savings, retirement funds etc. that I called up the suicide hotline.

I got a call center in Pakistan. When I told them I was suicidal they got all excited, and asked if I could drive a truck.

A good one captain

1 Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


2 Law of Gravity- Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


3 Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


4 Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


5 Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


6 Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).


7 Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


8 Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


9 Law of the Result- When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


10 Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.


11 Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


12 The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


13 Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.


14 Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jam or honey sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


15 Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.


16 Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.


17 Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.


18 Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


19 Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick.

Why do numbers 15 and 17 remind me of statements coming out of the USA at present?

the subject of children and the wierd questions that they ask came up during a conversation today. reminded me of this joke i read years ago...

Chick: Am I A people?

Hen: No, you are a chicken!

Chick: Do chickens come from people?

Hen: No, chickens come from eggs.

Chick: Are eggs born?

Hen: No, Eggs are laid!

Chick: Are all people laid?

Hen: No, some people are chicken!

Very precisely put!

A businessman met a beautiful girl and agreed to spend
the night with her for $500. They did their thing,
and, before he left, he told her that he did
not have any cash with him, but he would have his
secretary write a cheque and mail it to her, calling
the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office, he regretted what he had
done, realising that the whole event had not been
worth the price. So he had his secretary send a cheque for $250 and enclose the following typed note:

'Dear Madam:
Enclosed find a cheque for $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon,
because when I rented the place, I was under the
impression that:
#1 - it had never been occupied;
#2 - there was plenty of heat; and
#3 - it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that:
#1 - it had been previously occupied,
#2 - there wasn't any heat, and
#3 - it was entirely too large.'
Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately
returned the check for $250 with the following note:

'Dear Sir:
#1 - I cannot understand how you could expect a
beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely.
#2 - As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you
know how to turn it on.
#3 - Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of
regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture
to fill it, please do not blame the management.
So, Please send the rent in full or we will be forced
to contact your present landlady

A hindi sms I received...not a joke as such but did bring a smile on to my lips! So, wanted to share it..

Aadat aur Ada mein kya Farq hai?

Road ke nal se garib paani piye toh 'Aadat',
Aur Rahul Gandhi piye toh 'Ada'!

Ab sms ko hi lelo...Hum bheje toh, 'Aadat',
Aur aap padh ke muskuraaye toh.....'Ada'!!

mohtarma aisa gazab na kijiye Rahul gandhi ki is ada par sainkdo log apni naukri kho denge. Some one in delhi will fire people involved in organising the rally because a scion of the gandhi family did not have clean water to drink and had to resort to a lowly nal. adat se jo majbur thaire....

Ji Janab, sochne par majboor kardiya aapne

A guy calls a weight loss company and orders their 5-day, 10 lb. weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her neck.

She introduces herself as a representative of the weight loss company. The sign reads, 'If you can catch me, you can have me.'

Without a second thought, he takes off after her. A few miles later huffing and puffing, he finally gives up.

The same girl shows up for the next four days and the same thing happens. On the fifth day, he weighs himself and is delighted to find he has lost 10 lbs. as promised.

He calls the company and orders their 5-day/20 pound program. The next day there's a knock at the door and there stands the most stunning, beautiful, sexy woman he has ever seen in his life. She is wearing nothing but Reebok running shoes and a sign around her neck that reads, 'If you catch me you can have me'.

Well, he's out the door after her like a shot. This girl is in excellent shape and he does his best, but no such luck. So for the next four days,
the same routine happens with him gradually getting in better and better shape.

Much to his delight on the fifth day when he weighs himself, he discovers that he has lost another 20 lbs. as promised. He decides to go for broke and calls the company to order the 7-day/50 pound program

'Are you sure?' asks the representative on the phone. 'This is our most rigorous program.'

'Absolutely,' he replies, 'I haven't felt this good in years.'

The next day there's a knock at the door; and when he opens it he finds a huge muscular guy standing there wearing nothing but pink running shoes and a sign around his neck that reads, 'If I catch you, you're mine.'

He lost 63 pounds that week.

Paddy's badly burned body is wheeled into the morgue one day. The body is a mess but he has a big smile on his face.

"What happened to him?" says the first morgue attendant

"He was out playing golf and got struck by lightning" says his mate.

"Well that explains the burns" says the first guy "but why is he smiling?"

"He thought he was having his photo taken" says his mate.

He lost 63 pounds that week