Joke for the day!! (part deux)

ItalianTomatoGarden:

An old Italian lived alone in New Jersey. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison.. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent,
I am feeling pretty sad, because it looks like I won't be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over.. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.
Love, Papa
A few days later he received a letter from his son..
Dear Pop,
Don't dig up that garden. That's where the bodies are buried.
Love,
Vinnie
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left.
That same day the old man received another letter from his son.
Dear Pop,
Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love you,Vinnie

Goodone Jaws!

40 yrs of marriage
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table.

She said, ' For being such an exemplary married couple and for being
loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish.'

The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling
husband.'
The fairy waved her magic wand and - poof! - two tickets for the Queen
Mary II appeared in her hands.

The husband thought for a moment: 'Well, this is all very romantic, but an
opportunity like this will never come again.
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than
me.'
The wife, and the fairy, were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.

So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the husband became 92 years
old.

The moral of this story: Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember
fairies are female....

SEND THIS TO A WOMAN WHO NEEDS A GOOD LAUGH .... AND TO ANY MAN WHO CAN
HANDLE IT

A Mother gave her first grade son some animal pictures to look at, and when he saw the first one he said "It's a frickin' elephant."

She said "What did you say?"

He repeated "It's a frickin' elephant."

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"It says so right here. A - F - R - I - C - A - N . . . . ."

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
Where have you been? his wife demanded.
I cant lie to you, he replied,
Im having an affair with my secretary.
We had sex all afternoon.
She looked down at his shoes and said: You lying bastard! You’ve been playing golf!

A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
Certainly, Sir, that'll be one cent. One Cent? the man exclaimed.
He glanced at the menu and asked: How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?
A nickel, the barman replied. A nickel? exclaimed the man.
Wheres the guy who owns this place?
The bartender replied: Upstairs, with my wife.
The man asked: Whats he doing upstairs with your wife?
The bartender replied: The same thing Im doing to his business down here.

Good one ebby ,Jay & Jaws !

1. We keep our last name.
2. The garage is all ours.
3. Wedding plans take care of themselves.
4. Chocolate is just another snack.
5. We can be president.
6. We can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
7. Car mechanics tell us the truth.
8. The world is our urinal.
9. We never have to drive to another gas station because this one's just too icky.
10. Same work, more pay.
11. Wrinkles add character.
12. Wedding dress - $5000; tux rental - $100.
13. People never stare at our chest when we're talking to them.
14. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected.
15. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle our feet.
16. One mood, ALL the time.
17. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
18. We know stuff about tanks.
19. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
20. We can open all our own jars.
21. We get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
22. If someone forgets to invite us, he or she can still be our friend.
23. Our underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
24. Everything on our face stays its original color.
25. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
26. We don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
27. We almost never have strap problems in public
28. We are unable to see wrinkles in our clothes.
29. The same hair style lasts for years, maybe decades.
30. We don't have to shave below our neck.
31. Our belly usually hides our big hips.
32. One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
33. We can "do" our nails with a pocket-knife.
34. We have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
35. We can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives, on December 24, in 45 minutes.

I disagree

Smt. Pratibha Devisingh Patil assumed office as the 12th President of India on July 25, 2007. She became the first woman to have been elected as President of India.

1.It's a joke
2.A President's position in India is practically ceremonial, they have no real power..

The above joke is centered around US.

I understand .. and its not something which I am annoyed at...

I think the joke can be modified a little

A man goes to a Dental surgeon to have a tooth pulled.

The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give the man a shot.
'No way! No needles! I hate needles,' the patient said.

The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man objects. 'I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me!'


The Dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill.
'No objection at all,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The Dentist then returns and says, 'Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
'It doesn't', said the Dentist, 'but it will give you something to hold onto when I pull your tooth.'

A married couple met with a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The Doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks.

The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honour their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter.

After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty!! She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty!

One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice.

She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you!"

"My darling," he replied, "think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."