Indian mentality and customs

Sepp

Hello forum,
I've been in India for about a month now and I am going to spend another couple of months here and might round the whole thing up working for the last month in a hotel. For that reason I am trying to learn some of the languages (I studying some Hindi and have learn the complicated alphabet) and foremost the thinking of the people of the country. I have experience problems learning the language since not many seem interested in speaking english with me. Compared to other Asian countries the Indians strike me on a general basis as being rather reserved and withdrawn. Most conversations are strictly monosyllabic, and does not amount to much more than that.

Anyone got a clue how to get in contact with the people? I have also been looking for books, but most are way too abstract (even the usually very handy "Culture shock"'s Indian edition goes no further than mention some cultural and religeous traits and some "do's and don'ts". And what does that boobing and wiggling of the head mean? My European nod and shake of the head does also not go through in many cases, a bit confusing to say the least.

cheers
Sepp

navinkurian2002

I dont know who you were talking to where the conversation was monosyllabic. The scenario which comes to mind is trying to strike up a conversation with a shopkeeper, barber, porter on the road.

People who are in it for the business usually answer questing in the monosyllable.If its the porters, sweepers or other common men on the street. Some of them are intimidated talking to a foreigner and as they are uneducated it becomes even more strained. I remember getting lost which trekking in matheran and coming to a bungalow with some carpenters working there they looked like they were from UP and when i asked them where was a certain point ( just 500 meters from them) they were silent till the foreman of the place directed me on the right route . So in some places they are not in a position to speak and have an unwritten rule not to speak and let the boss do all the talking.

Now there are just some examples which may not pertain to your scenario.

maybe you can get in touch with the locals in your area who can explain stuff as it happens

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akt

Hi Sepp, Although I am sure your experience is a real one, your post is still most surprising to me. It may help us understand the situation if you could kindly summarize the environment in which you tried to approach Indians, if you approached men or women, what you said, and what their response was. A few concrete examples would help greatly.

If the head moves up and down, it basically means agreement: "Yes", "You are right" "I understand".

If the head moves sideways, it basically means disagreement: "No", "I don't see it" "I don't agree", etc.

The latter can also indicate surprise or puzzlemet which is a tacit form of disagreement in the spirit of "Oh No!" "Wow, I wouldn't have expected this" and "I don't understand how anybody can say/do that?!?!"

Nick-H

To answer one generalisation with another

In my experience (granted, that is not large ) Indians are the most communicative, most inquisative people I've met!

You can meet a stranger on the street and, within minutes, be comparing the history of five generations of your families!

My experience includes one or two old orthodox brahmins who give me impression that if they could still have me killed and swept away for defiling them with my shadow they would do! But this is not typical of my experience even of their community.

I'm shy anyway. And I have imbibed thirty years of the Londoner's habit of not making eye contact except when absolutely necessary. To me, if I give it a chance, India is overwhelmingly friendly and communicative.

As for the head shakes and wobbles....

You get taught that only after you have been initiated into the Third Order of the Inner Circle.




...Or alternatively you could just search this site!

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Nick-H

Not here! A slight, or half shake of the head means YES!!!!!

PRIYA

I think the 'head wobble' thread may give Sepp an idea of what it means
Anyone have the link?

And Sepp, a smile works wonders in India.......try it!

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Noodle

I know! It was my ex hubby! He babbles like he gets paid for it with his kind of people but put him next to a foreigner and he's so tongue tied you might think he's mute.

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SteamBuff

I had trouble stopping them talking, when I wanted to get away. (and I am a quiet person)

Sepp

Thanks for the wiggling explanation, I have already started to train in front of the mirror. Half a wiggle seem to mean yes as well, but I am not sure yet.
The situations and places I have tried out so far has been on the street, in shops, restaurants and some obscure bars. Mainly men so far, and I have managed to make some friends in some places. But for the most part they do not take the conversation further than ask about where you are from and what you are up to, with some exceptions. I just meet 2 lawyers and their client down at the juice bar, and they explain to me that they tried to get their client acquitted, appearantly he had sold a house that was not legally his. And the client bought me sarsaparilla soda and I wished him good luck in the trial. But this is an exception, here in the internet joint where there is mainly students, all questions are answered only by nodding and they seem not willing to take the conversation any further...

And smiles do do some good, you always get a smile back. I would not mind some longer conversations and some language training though.

cheers
Sepp

navinkurian2002

What you been up to? Umm I personally find that question had to answer lol. I wouldnt know how other would answer that.


Probably the wrong place then to make a conversation. Most internet users are there for a purpose and also may not want to make a long drawn out conversation like the on you had in a restaurant where those people had a bit more time to chat about their lives.

Noodle

Well, for any kind of longer conversation - anywhere in the world - you need a mutual topic of interest. Do you like Cricket, for example? Start a convo by asking their opinion about the team that is due to go to Bangladesh or whether Rahul Dravid should remian captain etc.

Or ask women on advice how to cook a proper dhal ... they will be happy to tell, if a bit surprised that a man wants to know about cooking ...

Ask them about their children, most Indians love to talk about their children.

If they don't take the conversation further, you do it!

Sepp

Why, it goes without saying I am not starting a chat with someone engaged with something else, I have only approached people who is just idling about. It is usually they who start the conversation, the problem is rather that it is not going anywhere. I have got the impression that they are a bit narrowed when it comes to subjects and interests.

Funny thing Noodles, I have been discussing cricket more than anything else. India's disaster, the murder of the pakistani coach, wicket men, bowling and what-not's. Never been keen on the game before, but some interest is catching up. Other subjects have been fishing, cars & engines (the common trick-shaw is a mere 400 cc, figure that!), different washing soaps, food specialities, languages and culture differences between states (very popular subject, there is a lot of animousity as well as hatred between different states) and so on.

Weird thing is that men hold hands, I feel not only a bit awkward about that. Funny people.

cheers
Sepp

Noodle

Soooo many subject! Why do you find them narrow? Which subjects would you like to discuss? Why don't you start discussing the subjects you have in mind, or have you? If so what was the reaction?

Yes, Indian men hold hands Get over it!

Or try it?

batistuta

Sepp, Indian team just got knocked outof the world cup, public is yet to get over it, Fishing is not a common hobby here, Different washing soaps? Mate, I hope you put that in for fun , Regional differences is a good topic and you will find many takers for that subject(as you have mentioned)It would help if you mention where you are Put up right now. An IM meetup might be around the corner in that place.

If men Hold hands, Better you don't mix with that crowd.