Four Yorkshiremen visit India

bloodypeasant

Four Yorkshiremen visit India with due acknowledgment to Monty Python and of course due apologies to anyone from Yorkshire.

Should be read out loud with a Yorkshire accent


1st Yorkshireman - " Aye, only 2 days ago me and 't wife made a 16 hour journey on Sleeper Class Train from Delhi to Varanasi. There was nowhere to put our luggage and the carriage was crowded with Indians all with their entire house belongings, train stopped every half hour and 't train was invaded by a whole army of hawkers all intent on selling just to me and 't wife. At night we got only a few moments sleep - because of all the snoring, people trying to snuggle up on our beds and families trying to force-feed us on all manner of curries. And we had to pay 460 rupees."

2nd Yorkshireman "SLEEP! SLEEP! LUXURY! Thou were lucky to be horizontal. We dreamed of being horizontal. 22 hours we spent on a Bus from McLeod Ganj to Udaipur. Sitting on a 2 person seat that held 4 people - our luggage on the roof and at least 45 people standing on't bus. Mind you I use the word bus reluctantly - sheet-metal can in an oven would be a better description and we baked and baked unable to open the windows because we would let half the road in. Our water ran out after only 3 hours and we had to survive on bottles of Limca and Thumbs Up so by the end of the journey we both had developed acute diabetes. The bus only stopped 4 times and then only long enough to just WONDER if you had time to get off and have a pee. And there was no question of sleeping."

3rd YorkshiremanLUXURY - "I dreamed of Sitting Upright. We spent 32 hours on a Super De-Luxe Luxury Sleeper Coach. The sleeper bit was a 5 foot by 4 foot by 3 foot high tin box above the seats, mattress was so dusty you could 'ave hosted a motocross on it and u could have fed the 5,000 from the crumbs. Aye - we could lie down - if thats what you call it - lying like a foetus in a sardine can and then put in't microwave. Driver drove at 100 kmh all the way and only ever turned wheel when bus was halfway over precipitous drop and sped up when he approached any bump or hole meaning every hundred yards or so me and wife took off, more often than not crashing into ceiling and then landing on top of each other causing all kinds of bodily injuries. When driver stopped for break it took us 5 minutes to come to our senses and then another 5 minutes to climb down bloody ladder in which time bloody driver had started off again meaning we had to ascend the ladder in to out coffin whilst bus was speeding headlong across country. 3 times I fell off ladder ending up with at least 2 hairline fractures and 1 major laceration. When journey finished we had to spend 2 weeks in Accident and Emergency Department - And what's more we had to pay twice the going rate for privilege of travelling AND pay bloody conductor for putting our luggage in to boot."

4th.Yorkshireman - "You had LUGGAGE - you had it bloody easy lad. MARDY! Back in 1969 we had to sell all our clothes and belongings to travel on't Magic Bus and all we had to eat was a box of stale out of date corn flakes that we'd found in a bin and a few magic mushrooms we'd found on the roadside. When we started I weighed 8 1/2 stone and by time we'd finished I'd lost 11 stone. Journey took 41 weeks longer than planned and bus broke down for longer than 't was on road. There were 47 people crammed in to a space made for 12 along with 2 herds of goats 13 Llamas and a 14 foot stone Buddah. As for keeping things on't roof - by the time we were half way through Europe we dreamed of having a roof - in fact we dreamed of having wheels. We were attacked 17 times by Afghan tribesmen and to this date everyone of us suffers from acute shell shock if not shrapnel wounds and then we had to pay Afghan tribesmen for 't privilege of travelling through their lands. When we arrived at Indian Border we had to bribe border police with equivalent of 6 years salary meaning we 'ad only 2 rupees left to travel the subcontinent - we stayed for 4 years."

Other 3 Yorkshiremen - "Aye and you tell that to the kids of tday and they don't believe a word."

TimMakins

But what have the Indians done for us ?

Tim in England, Yorkshireman

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Quote:

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cyberhippie

Zero.................I always knew they were good for nothing!!

kullukid

Hal knock thi block off if tha cums up ere lad! KK

Abi

Hahaha

skinnylatte

Fantastic!!

I wonder how the Indian version of Wink Wink Nudge Nudge, say no more" would be like!

Jock and Di

Loved it. Even feel like I have a yorkshire accent now !? Why is that?

steven_ber

Excelent.

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mal ishus

thal gera smack in gob wia black puddin if tha keeps that up nowt rong wi us yorkys

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Every one should love animals they are so tasty

CliveG

That wur reet gradley!

davey

therl be truble at mill if ar sees thee

davey

ps. I/m a yorkshireman living in oz, doncaster lad

travelswithmyghds

I 'ad to post, I've bin living in India now for 10 weeks and I've seen/heard narry so much as a whisper of the wonderful place that is yorkshire. Have however bin enjoying inflicting me accent on't unsuspecting people at work - summat to fill the afternoons anyway.

mal ishus

i there davey i'm a donny lad myself wot did you do wrong to get deported
(a little pit village stainforth)

New-South-Welshman

I guess me being a young New South Welshman, I have no idea what's going on!

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