Finding Buttons

palerider · Jan 7th, 2007, 02:06

It occured to me that the longer i stayed in India, the more I realised that I wasn't the person I thought I was.
I thought I was patient, kind, even tempered, Maleable, etc. I found out I am none of these things. India found all the buttons to push, and some new ones I didn't know existed. I'd love to hear other experiences of button pushing....was there anything you found out about yourself which surprised you.
Compare and discuss, snork.

camelgirl · Jan 7th, 2007, 02:40

Just noticed this other thread which may be consoling....or not...but shows how common this problem is for most of us from developed countries, East or West.

anyone else finding it really tough?

Yes, I didn't even know I had some of those buttons! The fact is, you are still the person you thought you were but to survive in India as a traveler you have to suspend the good parts....or you will really be undone. It's the hardest part to get used to, this inner "mean person" that has to come out to just survive a walk down the street. I would NEVER yell at a kid or adult who annoyed me, especially in public, but in India I'm alternating between cursing, ignoring and shutting down and being really nasty ("stop touching me" "go away" "f*** off") I don't recognize myself when I'm out and about, once the crowds close in and the pinching & poking & begging starts.

But, since I keep returning to India, guess there is more that I like than I hate!!

Quick story: many years ago some friends were going to India for the first time. Very well traveled in developing countries. I said India would be much harder. They thought I was lying. First postcard they sent from India, the husband said he picked up some guy by his collar and was about to throttle him, he was so angry---said he finally knew what I meant

They spent months there but never went back.

PeakXV · Jan 7th, 2007, 03:00

Never thought of it as "button pushing" (not a bad term actually) but I could say that if any of your buttons are a little sticky or rusty before a trip to India ... they might be well oiled upon return ... or ones that had become inactivate may suddenly be operating like clockwork again.

The Western world can be so so monotonously regemented at times with people working in jobs that they need rather than those that utilize their true calling. This humdrum living ultimately dulls the senses and it may take the ultimate bombardment of those senses (Re: Trip to India) to awaken the giant within.

India does change people but I think it is more of an awakening of inherent qualities rather than wholesale alterations.

hawaiiyogagrl · Jan 7th, 2007, 04:07

It's funny, India, and my experiences there push my buttons so hard and so often that eventually those buttons just stop working and in the end, I am glad to be rid of them.
I think that is what I love about India, I have to use skills that I didn't know that I possesed to overcome stuff that I never imagined I would have in my path.
The most amazing thing that I discovered is that I don't actually need most of the material things that I have. What I do need is already inside of me and I just have to figure out how to use it. Like camel girl mentioned this inner thing comes out- but I suspect it's not really mean...I try (really) to not take it personally and not respond personally, even if I am yelling at someone. That's really difficult, and when I can't do it and I'm totally flustered I learn something...and for some reason that's point of meltdown/brilliance is kind of a rush, or a buzz for me.

Seriously, I used to be a rock-climber, and the rush from physically doing something I didn't think I could do on the rocks is the same as the rush I get from say... naviagating Indian airlines

, or getting my puking self onto a night train, or whatever.

camelgirl · Jan 7th, 2007, 20:44

I think Hawaiigirl is on to something! Dealing with India might just be one of those "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger" kind of things.

Most of us really do have soft & kushy (& less smelly & dirty) lives back home compared to what we are faced with in India. Having to face yourself outside of your "comfort zone" can have a real upside when you make it through the gauntlet!

And

I suspect it's why so many independent travelers think that people on tours aren't getting the "real" India because they are protected from so many hassles. A common topic on IM other threads. Let's not talk about that here PLEASE. I just saw a link, so I mentioned it.

cyberhippie · Jan 7th, 2007, 22:15

Hmm I'm just me, when I'm in India, I smile a bit more and find that kindness is more readliy returned than in Europe.

India doesn't "push my buttons" I guess that's why I love her so much!!

Good topic though!!

Nick-H · Jan 7th, 2007, 22:47

Just been reminded in another thread about being assertive.

Trouble is, I'm assertive in the wrong way for India and just end up knocking my head against a brick wall! It is necessary to be clever here; not direct!

One day I'll learn to rewire that button

robotvoice · Jan 8th, 2007, 02:33

i agree, cyberhippie. in india the people seem warmer, more sharing, more open. if anyone pushed my buttons on the trip it was the girl i was travelling with!

camelgirl · Jan 8th, 2007, 08:16

guess I left my "mellow" gene somewhere else--like Hawaii

or maybe it was Kathmandu in 1975

Or maybe guys don't get grabbed & pinched by beggars constantly, in between all the nice, pleasant friendly exchanges

I Suppose I sound a bit sarcastic but no matter how happy and relaxed I am, I can't ever get used to the physical harassment. It's sometimes frightening to be surrounded by 1 to 8 kids grabbing at your arms.

I definitely don't take it personally, but it's impossible to ignore.

robotvoice · Jan 8th, 2007, 08:27

i would absolutely agree that it is more challenging for women in india. when we travelled together it was no big deal, but when she was travelling on her own she had some harassment issues. nothing serious but there were a couple of times that she was made to feel pretty uncomfortable. beggars do try to grope men as well, but that is probably easier to shrug off then the sexual kind of attention that women get.

hawaiiyogagrl · Jan 8th, 2007, 09:33

There is a definate change in the way I deal with men in India versus the states, and definately in say Delhi my experience is different than in rural India. I agree with Camelgirl that it is hard to stay collected when some group of guys is sexually hasseling you, or the guy sitting next to you on the plane seriously thinks you'll consider marrying him so he can leave India, or that sometimes dressing appropriately is so hot and uncomfortable in comparison with what guys wear.... yeah, these are buttons of mine.
And, the process of re-wiring/de-fusing those buttons is so worth the rush. Then it's all smiles, like cyberhippie said.

Nick-H · Jan 8th, 2007, 11:14

There are some things that are just plain unacceptable.

There is no way a woman should have to put up with being harassed --- as any Indian woman would agree!

capt_mahajan · Jan 8th, 2007, 11:20

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nick-H

There are some things that are just plain unacceptable.

There is no way a woman should have to put up with being harassed --- as any Indian woman would agree!

yes.

many Indian men would agree, too.

robotvoice · Jan 8th, 2007, 11:52

and american men

cyberhippie · Jan 8th, 2007, 11:59

Getting grabbed by beggers is a regular occurence for me as it is for anyone else. Does it bother me NO and I guess thats what it's all about. India will push your envelope if you let it. A little human interaction really doesn't phase me. All part of the ride!! I just act like a loon, they laugh and leave me alone!!

Gender doesn't explain my demeaonour I know loads of women even more relaxed than me in India, my wife for instance, it's down to personality!!

Jan 7th, 2007, 02:06	#1
palerider adam singh Join Date: Jul 2006 Location: Udayapura, Bangalore soon Posts: 196	Finding Buttons It occured to me that the longer i stayed in India, the more I realised that I wasn't the person I thought I was. I thought I was patient, kind, even tempered, Maleable, etc. I found out I am none of these things. India found all the buttons to push, and some new ones I didn't know existed. I'd love to hear other experiences of button pushing....was there anything you found out about yourself which surprised you. Compare and discuss, snork. __________________ I finally realised, in the nic of time, that Life was for Living. Last edited by machadinha : Jan 7th, 2007 at 02:32. Reason: moved to "only in india" forum

Jan 7th, 2007, 03:00	#3
PeakXV Naan.tering Nabob Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Abode of Glooscap Posts: 4,194	Never thought of it as "button pushing" (not a bad term actually) but I could say that if any of your buttons are a little sticky or rusty before a trip to India ... they might be well oiled upon return ... or ones that had become inactivate may suddenly be operating like clockwork again. The Western world can be so so monotonously regemented at times with people working in jobs that they need rather than those that utilize their true calling. This humdrum living ultimately dulls the senses and it may take the ultimate bombardment of those senses (Re: Trip to India) to awaken the giant within. India does change people but I think it is more of an awakening of inherent qualities rather than wholesale alterations. __________________ We shall not cease from exploration and at the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we started ...and know the place for the first time. T.S. Eliot Don't go to India ~ Pre-trip Warnings & Misconceptions?

Jan 7th, 2007, 22:47	#7
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 26,822	Just been reminded in another thread about being assertive. Trouble is, I'm assertive in the wrong way for India and just end up knocking my head against a brick wall! It is necessary to be clever here; not direct! One day I'll learn to rewire that button __________________ . Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Switch to Hybrid Mode Switch to Threaded Mode

Similar Threads
Thread	Thread Starter	Forum	Replies	Last Post
anyone else finding it really tough?	girlone	India Expat Area	159	Aug 13th, 2007 02:49
hey need some help in finding some stuff	NVdisDESI	Chai and Chat	6	Mar 8th, 2006 00:25
help finding Robert	OtherBeaumont	Himachal Pradesh	1	Oct 7th, 2005 04:26
Finding a maid	Biilmann	India Expat Area	2	Aug 27th, 2005 04:01
finding out ????	ashwika	Indian Visa and Passport Questions	0	Feb 15th, 2005 14:21

Jan 7th, 2007, 02:40	#2
camelgirl 10 year Visa okee dokee Join Date: May 2005 Location: Swannanoa NC usa Posts: 1,019	Just noticed this other thread which may be consoling....or not...but shows how common this problem is for most of us from developed countries, East or West. anyone else finding it really tough? Yes, I didn't even know I had some of those buttons! The fact is, you are still the person you thought you were but to survive in India as a traveler you have to suspend the good parts....or you will really be undone. It's the hardest part to get used to, this inner "mean person" that has to come out to just survive a walk down the street. I would NEVER yell at a kid or adult who annoyed me, especially in public, but in India I'm alternating between cursing, ignoring and shutting down and being really nasty ("stop touching me" "go away" "f*** off") I don't recognize myself when I'm out and about, once the crowds close in and the pinching & poking & begging starts. But, since I keep returning to India, guess there is more that I like than I hate!! Quick story: many years ago some friends were going to India for the first time. Very well traveled in developing countries. I said India would be much harder. They thought I was lying. First postcard they sent from India, the husband said he picked up some guy by his collar and was about to throttle him, he was so angry---said he finally knew what I meant They spent months there but never went back.

Jan 7th, 2007, 04:07	#4
hawaiiyogagrl Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Hawaii Posts: 234	It's funny, India, and my experiences there push my buttons so hard and so often that eventually those buttons just stop working and in the end, I am glad to be rid of them. I think that is what I love about India, I have to use skills that I didn't know that I possesed to overcome stuff that I never imagined I would have in my path. The most amazing thing that I discovered is that I don't actually need most of the material things that I have. What I do need is already inside of me and I just have to figure out how to use it. Like camel girl mentioned this inner thing comes out- but I suspect it's not really mean...I try (really) to not take it personally and not respond personally, even if I am yelling at someone. That's really difficult, and when I can't do it and I'm totally flustered I learn something...and for some reason that's point of meltdown/brilliance is kind of a rush, or a buzz for me. Seriously, I used to be a rock-climber, and the rush from physically doing something I didn't think I could do on the rocks is the same as the rush I get from say... naviagating Indian airlines , or getting my puking self onto a night train, or whatever.

Jan 7th, 2007, 20:44	#5
camelgirl 10 year Visa okee dokee Join Date: May 2005 Location: Swannanoa NC usa Posts: 1,019	I think Hawaiigirl is on to something! Dealing with India might just be one of those "if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger" kind of things. Most of us really do have soft & kushy (& less smelly & dirty) lives back home compared to what we are faced with in India. Having to face yourself outside of your "comfort zone" can have a real upside when you make it through the gauntlet! And I suspect it's why so many independent travelers think that people on tours aren't getting the "real" India because they are protected from so many hassles. A common topic on IM other threads. Let's not talk about that here PLEASE. I just saw a link, so I mentioned it.

Jan 7th, 2007, 22:15	#6
cyberhippie Account Closed by User's Request Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 6,012	Hmm I'm just me, when I'm in India, I smile a bit more and find that kindness is more readliy returned than in Europe. India doesn't "push my buttons" I guess that's why I love her so much!! Good topic though!!

Jan 8th, 2007, 02:33	#8
robotvoice mikeaholic Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california Posts: 1,163	i agree, cyberhippie. in india the people seem warmer, more sharing, more open. if anyone pushed my buttons on the trip it was the girl i was travelling with!

Jan 8th, 2007, 08:16	#9
camelgirl 10 year Visa okee dokee Join Date: May 2005 Location: Swannanoa NC usa Posts: 1,019	guess I left my "mellow" gene somewhere else--like Hawaii or maybe it was Kathmandu in 1975 Or maybe guys don't get grabbed & pinched by beggars constantly, in between all the nice, pleasant friendly exchanges I Suppose I sound a bit sarcastic but no matter how happy and relaxed I am, I can't ever get used to the physical harassment. It's sometimes frightening to be surrounded by 1 to 8 kids grabbing at your arms. I definitely don't take it personally, but it's impossible to ignore.

Jan 8th, 2007, 08:27	#10
robotvoice mikeaholic Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california Posts: 1,163	i would absolutely agree that it is more challenging for women in india. when we travelled together it was no big deal, but when she was travelling on her own she had some harassment issues. nothing serious but there were a couple of times that she was made to feel pretty uncomfortable. beggars do try to grope men as well, but that is probably easier to shrug off then the sexual kind of attention that women get.

Jan 8th, 2007, 09:33	#11
hawaiiyogagrl Senior Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: Hawaii Posts: 234	There is a definate change in the way I deal with men in India versus the states, and definately in say Delhi my experience is different than in rural India. I agree with Camelgirl that it is hard to stay collected when some group of guys is sexually hasseling you, or the guy sitting next to you on the plane seriously thinks you'll consider marrying him so he can leave India, or that sometimes dressing appropriately is so hot and uncomfortable in comparison with what guys wear.... yeah, these are buttons of mine. And, the process of re-wiring/de-fusing those buttons is so worth the rush. Then it's all smiles, like cyberhippie said.

Jan 8th, 2007, 11:14	#12
Nick-H Loud-mouthed, Noisy Bird Join Date: Oct 2004 Location: Chennai, India Posts: 26,822	There are some things that are just plain unacceptable. There is no way a woman should have to put up with being harassed --- as any Indian woman would agree!

Jan 8th, 2007, 11:52	#14
robotvoice mikeaholic Join Date: Aug 2005 Location: california Posts: 1,163	and american men

User Name		Remember Me?
Password

Jan 8th, 2007, 11:59	#15
cyberhippie Account Closed by User's Request Join Date: Jul 2002 Location: the Netherlands Posts: 6,012	Getting grabbed by beggers is a regular occurence for me as it is for anyone else. Does it bother me NO and I guess thats what it's all about. India will push your envelope if you let it. A little human interaction really doesn't phase me. All part of the ride!! I just act like a loon, they laugh and leave me alone!! Gender doesn't explain my demeaonour I know loads of women even more relaxed than me in India, my wife for instance, it's down to personality!!