a suitable boy... (or a girl)

yes, i am the river!

see this thread

now you will have to explain your name in return (but on THAT thread).

you got me thinking... i started ranking different nations by their sex abilities... from own experience of course... surely after starting that kind of thread i'll be thrown out of indiamike in no time!

oh boy, after being silent for a few days i blew it off - all the good work - in just a few hours!

mpop,

some things are better left unsaid.

I'll send you a PM...

sorry, albaruni, i was joking. there was NO PM. i don't want to give impression that "western" girls are "easy". we are not

Mala,

I did clarify that I didn't say that USA is the **most** sexually active today. Sure I agree, france and italy's beaches are topless, and some places in these countries are promiscuous by US standards ...but I was only genralizing , just as we were all generalizing about india , and their marriage mores.

I don't say it like it were an accomplishment (whatever gave you that Idea!) more as an observation about the emperor's new clothes(or the elephant in the room).

Volga,

As an american that needs to "represent" the US in (places like ) India often, I do feel the need to clarify something like the above to people that fancy their chances with "western" girls more than with "nice Indian" ones. However, If you and I were to discuss this stuff without need for posturing, I would say: 1. People in the west (I can speak for north America more than anywhere elase) ...as opposed to India, DO have more sex(pre/ post marriage) than people (the Average people) in India. They do have more sex with more "free" partners than the average person in India. and that has to be out there when discussing marriage..arranged or othervice..

and Mala I'd never think you are atacking me, so post away.

was my reply to mpop, does that look like I'm calling the US the "most sexually active" or touting it as some kind of a badge/ accomplishment?

mpop,

I'll defer to any knowledge /experience you may have about these issues, my points were all made from experience/ anectodal evidence and from talking to a whole bunch of educatedand/or sophisticared indians/ americans/brits/others about these specific issues.

I/we/ you could be wrong.

This thread could have been such an interesting thread.....

albaruni, i was referring to another post which said exactly this (in the eyes of indian men) - i think it was in the "rab's corner" thread. i did not mean to put any more meaning into this.

it is.

I am just thinking about all the schools that use this site as a study aid and the grade school kids reading this. What kind of example are we setting here?

Mike

ps...oh it's true about the schools part since they always ask if they can use it in their curriculum.

maybe you shoud put up ratings next to threads. A thread about marriage without frank and adult discussions about sex feels...so... Indian....

I’m sorry for being the naughty boy in the classroom . My soap serial I’ll shift else where or I’ll post when a suitable thread comes up.

Volga.. sorry for ruining your nice topic thread. May be we can go back to the original topic "a suitable boy... (or a girl)". I'll try to post only relevant replies

Mala..yes. it’s a true story (may be with some masala added!). And very similar versions of it happen in almost all the Indian homes. (Actually that was my intention with this story, not to disorient the thread)

beach

actually, I never intended for this thread to be anything else than discussion of arranged marriages in India. i have no interest in learning about sex and marriage in the usa.

just for the record.

Has anyone seen Monsoon Wedding? An interesting look at a modern arranged marriage in a well-to-do Indian family. The couple decide to fall in love after all once the engagement was set even though the woman had been in love with a married man. The groom had come back from the USA to get married to the woman his family had picked out for him. Both seemed like modern, up-to-date sort of young people--but both let their families make this decision for them. But, somehow, you felt like that couple was going to make it after all. I'd like to see the sequel to this....ten years down the line and see if the couple actually made a go of it. The movie was so optimistic in the end you sort of felt they would.

OK. The question was “Arranged marriage... I wonder what do you think of that. Especially would love to hear from our Indian friends.”


I’m the AM’s advocate. Not that AM is all that great as compared to LM. There are certain ethoses in this society that go well with AM than LM.

The paradox is that India had been a land boasted for its love for love. The folklores have been abundant with love themes. So were its epics. The land of kamasutra .

So had been its obsession with arranged marriages. Its epics tell many such stories. Kings invited prospective princes to marry their daughters. They were paraded and the princess was free to choose. And there were stories about testing the prince’s ability to qualify to marry their daughters. Was that literally the ancient form of arranged marriage?

Coming back to 11 May 2004 AD, the fundamental difference is in the family/community support. You need to be a bit rebellious to get an ‘unacceptable’ LM through. But then people would say, “It’s your decision. Don’t come to us when there is a problem”. And you need courage to break that. Courage to break a hundred links. And the courage to face the fear of unknown. It’s a bit emotionally challenging task.

People perceive AM as a family safety net. There are any number of people on both sides the should a crack develop. The funny thing is that such a mechanism itself prevents the creation of a crack. They believe that a divorce is not a solution but a problem.

Indian community is by and large superstitious in comparison to the west. And there is a high level of emotional content in then blood. They are caste conscious. They are jealous. They believe in social status and worried about the standing the society. They are bothered about what others would say about them. The concept of “losing face” is very prominent.

All there complexities of the Indian society hit a single point. The arranged marriage. All the above said character of the Indian psyche forms part of the alliance equation. It’s like the ship caught in multiple storms. The possible divorce happens even before the marriage is over! That is good news. Or is it really?

They say there is much to learn from the experience of the elders. That arranged marriage is the place for parents to pour their experience into.

Mom is right “all these years I knew what food you like, what school was better for you, which aunty you didn’t like! So I have an idea of which girl you will like and which you wont ”.

Does she know really? Time will tell!

There is this chap sitting next to me. His mom sends him at least 10 photos of girls every week for his opinion.

He has only one complaint (to me). All the girls look like his mom!

She definitely didn’t know what this fellows likes were.


I know any number of people who were in love, got married and living happily. No, they haven’t married the ones they loved! It was an arranged marriage.

I know any number of people who were in love, got married and living happily.

I know any number of people who were in love, before falling in love they asked for each other’s caste and star. And had a fake arranged marriage


I think now I’m back on track