Pregnant in India..advice ?

Hi,

Apologies for putting my post under this category wasn't sure where to post it.
I've been in India last6months on tourist visa..i'm flying back to uk tommorow and i found out two days ago i'm pregnant ! I came over here to try living with my Indian boyfriend in his country. We then discussed marriage so I could convert my visa and or invite him to the UK at a later date. I decided I wanted to go back to UK for a while and talk it through with my family first with marriage being a big step. We have been really disorganised and dopey about the whole thing .. i know.
My plan is to go back to work next week and come back here on another tourist (5th) visa (after the two month waiting period..probably longer)then get married in india later this year. My boyfriend has a secure income and more than enough to support the three of us. I know I can make myself adjust over here (in Gurgaon- so its quite comfortable anyway) but want to know has anyone (foreigner) brought up a child in India ? I'd like to hear about your experience.
Thanks


Mod note: I have moved your thread to the Health and Well-Being forum

No, you're the first to ever do so

Big steps ahead of you, I guess. Consider your and your child-to-be's legal staying options there, or those of your husband-to-be back home, very carefully (and also going by your other thread so far),* and maybe drop the dopiness about it for a while if you can.

Besides this Visa sub-forum that you posted this question in (or so I thought? It's now in Health, maybe it was moved by the moderators or I saw wrong, anyway it doesn't matter), check out also the Expats forum at http://www.indiamike.com/india/india-expat-area-f84/, and its various sub-forums, listed on top of that page. You will find relevant previous stories there.

The India For Beginners forum at http://www.indiamike.com/india/india...eginners-f122/ may or may not also have some stories on being or living there with children and as a foreigner; or just generally search the site some for previous threads on it. The search box is at top right of most pages.

Remember pregnancy and travel and flying will need looking into, I think right now and in your earliest days of pregnancy flying home may not be much of an issue (someone correct me if I'm wrong, please, and I may well be), but certainly once home speak to a doc about safe and unsafe periods of your pregnancy to travel and fly in. Maybe do so with a doc in India now, anyway, just to be sure.

There are expat networks in Delhi, that you may want to tap into once you're back there. You could again search this site for it.

A member just brought up this group: http://www.internations.org/new-delhi-expats, and I think but can't be sure this gang gets brought up here a lot: http://www.delhinetwork.net/. Also, this bunch: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/Yuni-Net/.

* So just a month ago, you were indeed looking into you two settling in Britain, instead, and I guess minus a child. It's none of my business, but try and take a deep breath, indeed carefully consider your options, you don't have to throw yourself into a bunch of unwanted or rash decisions now. Maybe talk it over with friends and family first, indeed. Maybe some distance being home will allow you some perspective. (And so maybe going head over heels straight back to work and find distraction in that is maybe not the best thing to do. How's about doing that not next week, but the week after?) Obviously you can't leave a number of decisions pending forever in this situation, but you don't need to take them now, as in today, either.

Very best of luck with it.

Hopefully some others here may be in with more practical advice; but I'd try and wrap your head around where do you want to take your life from here, first. And allow yourself some time to do that.

I guess lot of foreigners have brought a child up in India - upto different ages.

Few famous children of the top of my head are
- Cliff Richard
- Douglas Jardine
- Jamie Alter (commentator for ESPNCricinfo - but his father is the more famous guy - Tom Alter)

Don't forget Freddie Mercury.

Back to normal people, its no big deal, bringing up a child here, you do not sound too sure about getting married, so think twice before you do.

What line of work are you in so that you can take six months off and walk back into a job next week.

Freddie Mercury was born in Zanzibar.

Freddie's parents were Parsis from Gujarat. Not sure if you can consider them foreigners. Most Parsis in India immigrated 5-10 centuries ago.

Let's not go into a tangent.

sky24:

It appears to me that you are not sure about your situation and want to discuss with your family. Good.

Please do that, discuss with BF and with a cool mind decide the course of action - there is a sequence of events that have to be accomplished.

Please don't try to jump to answering Q5 (bringing up baby in India) without getting satisfactory answers to Q's 1-4 (do I love him, how will it be living in India assuming without baby and many more)!

Cheers

Nattusbs

Plenty of foreigners have bought up children in India with much success and no (permanent :P) harm done! Some of these people are foreigners married to Indians, and some of them are foreigners married to someone from their own country who just happen to live in India for now and have chosen to raise there kids there. Some are raising kids with two cultural identities, some are raising truely "Indian" kids, and some are keeping a foreign identity as much as they can.

Real question, or actually questions, seem to be more of a personal nature. I'm assuming the baby is...unexpected shall we say? But it sounds like you guys were planning on getting serious (e.g. married) at some point. How do you feel about the baby, and how does he? How are both your families reacting? These are the things you need to talk about. Be honest with yourself and ask the same of your boyfriend.

If you need an example as "proof" it can be done, I personally can say that I know one American lady who is living in India (I won't say where as it is a small town and I don't want to air someone's private life too much online) and has had three kids with a local man. They are married and as happy as most couples, and the kids are healthy and doing well at school. She and her hubby have a semi-joint family set up with some other family members of the older generation living with them. Everyone in the families was accepting of the relationship and they get along well, though I won't say there are never fights! By the way both the American woman and her husband (plus the whole rest of their family) are Christian, so there are a couple less cultural issues than there could have been between them.

Another key thing is that she did not get pregnant until after they were married. It's something that you need to discuss with your boyfriend, but his family may have issues with you getting pregnant before marriage. Or they might not, it's really hard to tell as some families are very very strict about this sort of thing whereas others are much more liberal. I guess this is true all over the world

I'm assuming you are pretty smart and have realised this anyway, but I'll just remind you that you will face cultural differences living in India, and especially as the foreign wife of an Indian and mother of his kids. You will face various difficulties and struggles along the way. There may be times when you feel like you can never get things and right and that you will always be an outsider. There will be times when you feel that the people around you have different ideas and expectations of you as a mother and of your child than in the UK. But this shouldn't stop you if both of you are honest about your relationship and want to make it work. It is possible!

It sounds like you have a lot of talking and thinking to do within both of your families. It's understandable that you would ask something like this online, but the real conversation has to happen between you and yours!

if you can give some of the queries / clarifications / apprehensions that you have regarding the above -
it'd be easier to answer them for you, sky



stay safe - stay healthy
many congratulations

:brishti

'' but want to know has anyone (foreigner) brought up a child in India ? I'd like to hear about your experience.''


ooops sorry...I thought it was a blatantly obvious question... Was just interested to hear about peoples personal experiences on this forum...Have decided to have baby in UK and sort India out next year. Thanks anyway indiamikers.

Too blatant, too obvious, too big ... thus more detail required.
Good luck and stay with us: looking forward to your posts about taking your baby to India

Sky24, if you are not sure how you feel about living in India permanently, I would say that don't rush to live here and then raise a kid here as well. Having your own family (if they support you) would be a great resource and if you husband is willing to move then that may work better for you in the long run. I just say this based on the way you wrote your post. I have a one year old daughter. One thing to keep in mind, the Gurgaon/Delhi area is considered more violent and unfriendly to women so if you have a daughter that is one thing to keep in mind. Having a baby is a big adjustment and moving to India is a big adjustment. Combining the two might be a bit too much. Are you on FB? I can put you in contact with other Mums here in India, even one in Gurgaon. Send me a private message with your info if you are interested.
Congrats and wish you the best.