Eve Teasing

Sama

exactly.

ditto.

I asked why women expect this "just because" it's India, because would the same question be asked if they were traveling to New York, Chicago, the US in general, or any other country? OK, other than Italy because I think someone already mentioned being hassled there....

before I went to India the first time I was told about the "dress requirements" for western women. then I was told about "eve teasing" and that I should wear my backpack in front of me to always protect myself from all the groping men I was sure to encounter. then I found IM and asked about whether I REALLY had to have my ankles and shoulders covered up 24/7. I figured that at my fabulously delicious age there was nothing I'd find in India that I had not already experienced (i.e., as far as male attention) and there was nothing I could not handle.

when I got to tamil nadu the reality was different and I decided that if anything did occur I would deal with it just as I would if the same thing happened to me back home -- loudly and with force if need be. why would I deal with it any differently? jerks are jerks and they deserve the same treatment in India as they would get from me on the streets of Chicago or anywhere else.

__________________
My India, 2005-2008
BE THE REVOLUTION

cyhiraeth

Just to be clear, I didn't start the thread with this kind of mind set. I expect this shit to happen because I am young woman alone in a strange place. Chennai or NYC, I'm not condemning one place any more than any other at this point. Since it is India, I expect people to respond differently and that's what I'm trying to negotiate.

Thanks for the tip Opoponax; I always try to be nice to waitstaff, but I'll tone down the smiles. : )

Brighid

So true! And I am looking forward to enjoying that advantage

capt_mahajan

Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry are not invisible.

Radjesh

Good one Captain...

*jyoti*

Sometimes, this "assumption" is not from mis-information or paranoia. Sometimes it comes as a result of experience.

I have traveled, now, through Thailand, Laos, India, Nepal, Mexico, and Haiti. Everywhere I have gotten extra attention for being white. I have traveled extensively through the US, driving across the country several times by myself. I was cautious staying by myself, and heeded warnings about remote rest stops and sleazy hotels, but never did I feel harassed or threatened.

I have felt both in India. Yes, part of it is because of having to rely on public transportation or being on the road, walking, a lot. That is an extra risk in any place, and I am careful traveling in other countries, too. But nowhere else, ever, have I gotten the same kind of treatment as in India. And I know that part of it is because I am American and there are certain assumptions that come with that. Part of it is being 31 and unmarried, traveling along through town. That makes me weird, and if I am not a normal woman who is married by that age, there must be a reason... and part of it is I am not very aggressive and don't respond quickly enough, loudly enough, or fiercely enough. India is teaching me that.

I have met a lot of great guys, men who would stand up for me in a heartbeat if they knew I were in trouble, men who would never ever disrespect a woman that way--Indian men. And I thank God for them or otherwise I might have thought all Indian men are "like that only"...

It may not be a big deal or life threatening to have a guy brush up against you or try to grab you, but it sure as heck feels like a big deal at the time. Heck, the auto wallahs making comments, the stares, the men cat-calling from the side of the road may not be a true danger, but they are threatening and nerve wracking, and not knowing how to deal with it even more so.

Don't get me wrong. I love India. I love being here. The moments of feeling unsafe are few and far between. I am not saying to be paranoid, but be careful. If you're used to handling these things, fine. But, be on guard--just as you would be extra aware of where your bags are and your wallet is in a crowded place known to be full of pick pocketers. Ask questions about what's ok and what's not. You are a foreigner, and that makes you an outsider and a target--which is true wherever you are an outsider. But here, being an outsider without protection is especially vulnerable, more so (in my experience) than in other places. And if it doesn't happen to you, and all that watchfulness seems like a wasted effort, be thankful.

So, again, don't be paranoid. Don't assume every sideways glance is someone targeting you. But be careful, and be aware of what's going on around you. That's all.

Brighid

True.. but they wouldn't be safe anywhere

Sama

there are advantages and disadvantages to everything.....

Nick-H

40+ does not make you invisible.

Quite the opposite, to us 50-plus-year-olds!

__________________
.


Just one member of the IndiaMike Mod Team

Radjesh

Talking from experience... I guess

dhans

Yep, borders shift.

Hans

__________________

Tips for trips to India with (young) children: India with kids
Stories about our travels in India: Journal

Nick-H

O course!

saradeitrick

I will have to say that I had no problem when I was over there. And I am only 5'1" and blonde and attractive. I had a guy follow me in bombay for awhile but he didn't say anything to me. Mainly just the constant stares. I think only once did a guy actually brush up on me and I wasn't sure if it was an accident or on purpose but it didn't bother me too much as it was pretty unnoticeable.
If I did have a problem I am not sure I would be hitting anyone...but I would definitely make my presence known.
:-)

grikoo

My advice is more or less the same as everyone elses:

Like you would anywhere else- let your response be proportionate to the offense.

The casual, walk by 'bump' isn't even something to be bothered with, but if someone gets in your face or is actually harrassing or molesting you- hurt them and make a scene. Apart from doing that, there's no reason for them not to go and treat someone else in a similar fashion. You'll be doing all your fellow sisters a favor.

Of course this does not apply to situations where you're isolated and outnumbered. In those instances, get to a public place quickly. If they make the mistake of following you, hurt them and make a scene.

Also, there's alot to be said for the way you carry yourself. If you feel like any sort of uncomfortable situation could develop, a stern look that says, 'don't f--k with me or I'll kick the s--t out of you' usually works wonders. Developing the ability to wield this look at will is an invaluable skill for travellers of both sexes in any part of the world. I'm convinced it's saved me from getting robbed on a number of occasions.

And additionally- One should keep in mind that overt friendliness between women and men is highly unusual (particularly on the woman's part), so be aware that treating men in the same way you'd treat your average male friends back home may result in some fairly weird behavior. Often it turns out with the man becoming honestly enamoured, but it depends on the person. Either way, it can become at least an annoyance if you're not careful. I'm not at all saying not to be friendly, but bear in mind that this sort of interaction is highly unusual. Try to think as if you were a man, and had never had a close female friend as an adult. Your openness may often be construed as intimacy.

Sama

works extremely well with noisy touts and pushy rickshaw drivers too.....